Paradise Alley (1978)

It's a movie as timely as it is provocative and amazingly, for much of its running time, it is weirdly funny.

Blistering performances.

All of these films share one commonality, that being a kind of emotional center that humanizes a cast of monsters.

Blistering performances.

In a review of 1984's Rhinestone I claimed that it was roughly the point where Sylvester Stallone's career started to become derailed. Yet having watched Paradise Alley, I realise I was wrong.It's astonishing just how rapidly the actorly ego and lack of people to tell him "no" emerged. Stallone's first two post-Rocky movies featured him in America's past. F.I.S.T (7/10) had him play a 1930s union man, backed by the superlative Rod Steiger and directed by the man behind In The Heat of the Night. Spending nearly two hours watching Stallone as a union rep is an odd choice right on the back of the commercial hit Rocky - kind of like following up Raging Bull with a pseudo-biopic of Arthur Scargill - but it's a decent film, generally well made. Yet somehow that same year someone had convinced Stallone that not only could he direct, but he could also sing as well. Groaning the forgettable title tune, he delivers a childlike depiction of 1940s slum life in Paradise Alley, an overearnest tale that produces laughs only when none are intended. Both his 1978 films feature an arm wrestling match, nine years before he'd make an entire film around the sport in guilty pleasure Over The Top. But just take a look at the depictions of said arm wrestling matches in both '78 vehicles... Norman Jewison's is the one that's not making you cry with unintentional laughter.Stallone isn't an awful director, but there's no reason why he should have discarded the original Rocky director for four of the sequels. (In fairness, when John G. Avildsen was brought back, then Rocky V was a famous misfire). But in just one month he moved from shooting a film under the watchful eye of the man behind The Thomas Crown Affair to shooting a movie under the watchful eye of the man behind Staying Alive and The Expendables. The difference is hugely pronounced, as F.I.S.T has a relatively controlled and purposeful performance from Stallone, while Paradise Alley has him wholly believing he's being charming and likable (a la Balboa), instead of just obnoxious and tiresome. The character he plays in Paradise Alley is as likable a character as Stallone is good at singing. Ultimately the entire movie comes off as a vanity project, and far from a good one: the difference between the two films could not be more marked.

Not everyone gets the just of this movie but for those that do it is a laugh riot!! Stallone is hysterical as the animated Cosmos Carboni who is incessantly trying to make an easy buck with random scams. Armand Assante plays Lenny, Cosmos' older brother and voice of reason for the Carboni Boys. Finally, there is the younger brother Vick who can haul 300lbs of ice up 15 flights of stairs without blowing his breakfast but has the IQ of a gnat. So many scenes are gut busters in this movie and I don't want to give them away but a few of my favorites include: Stallone waking up hungover to discover a plate full of roaches on his previous night's dinner. He proceeds to take aim on the plate with his Louisville Slugger and shatters it along with the roaches with his brother and pet bird looking on. The same day he is out in the streets freezing with a stolen concierge outfit on, holding a monkey chained to a table and chanting "see the dancing monkey!" This is his latest money making scheme after Vick won the monkey in a previous night's arm wrestling match. Anyway, it's crude and low brow humor, but that is what makes this film a great Friday night viewing among good buddies.

I watched this movie and contemplated suicide. Yeah, it was that bad. After the first hour, I only continued with the film with the thought there had to be something appealing. And there wasn't. I am rather shocked it was distributed in DVD format.I can't think of a worse movie now, this is the very bottom. The story was really shallow, the characters acted poorly. The type of characters were like that of a bad comic book. Timing was so slow that the story literally stops in spots. And the music was lousy. I think Sly actually sang the opening and closing song! 2 hours of my life totally wasted!This movie stole 2 hours of my life! Nighly not recommended.

This film has got to be the best thing next to Rocky 1 that Sly has done. Though I had yet to be born in 1946, I know some of those people, that is the main reason that it is one of my fav's of all time. Every one of them was a freak and the whole film was a freak show. I lived a long time in south Baltimore and Bunchi, Victor, Len, Frankie, and even Cosmo I have known in real life. The time and place were perfect, it was well shot and easy to follow as it should have been for this type of film. The roof race, the Christmas cheer truck ride, the ice block on the stairs, Bunchi's Christmas presents scene, this is great stuff. Am I biased cause it's a city movie, yea I am but I gave it a 10 for a lot of reasons other than that.