Diamond Cartel (2017)

Bad Acting and worse Bad Screenplay

Ok... Let's be honest. It cannot be the best movie but is quite enjoyable. The movie has the potential to develop a great plot for future movies

One of the worst ways to make a cult movie is to set out to make a cult movie.

A terrific literary drama and character piece that shows how the process of creating art can be seen differently by those doing it and those looking at it from the outside.

Before watching this movie, I had never seen a movie made by Kazakhstani filmmakers before. After watching it, I have no desire to see another effort, at least any time in the near future. This movie goes wrong in just about every area you can think of. The only positive things I can about it is that it's decently shot, has (mostly) decent production values for what clearly wasn't a mega budget, and it has a one in a lifetime cast (though most of these well known actors are wasted in very small roles.) However, the movie is for the most part such a mess, it's hard to get any enjoyment out of those positive features. The story is extremely confusing, as if something went terribly wrong when it was translated into English. None of the characters are particularly sympathetic or interesting, with the only interest being how badly a lot of them are dubbed into English. Also, the movie doesn't know what it wants to be. Sometimes it's an action flick, other times it's a suspense thriller, and other times it plays like a very black comedy. With no constant tone, it's hard to keep your mind focused on what's happening, so much so that you'll start to forget the few coherent story details minutes after they unfold.... and you'll forget the entire movie minutes after the end credits start to unfold. I usually love B movies, but this particular one is really bad, even for my low standards.

With a talented cast (Peter O'Toole was my main reason for seeing this and it was interesting how his final film and role would fare) and with such a good idea for the story, there was an at least decent film somewhere in 'Diamond Cartel'.An at least decent film that never comes out. 'Diamond Cartel' could have been far better. No, scratch that, it should have been far better. It could have been a diamond in the rough, it would not have mattered so much if it was not quite a gem considering the budget, but it fails to even be that and it completely fails to sparkle. Lets start with the few good things, being a fair (or try to be) reviewer who tries to see the good things in bad films. The photography and production design are not bad at all, looking generally colourful and slick. Armand Assante also attacks his role with enthusiasm, he is the actor who tries the hardest, is the least poorly used of the actors and is definitely the actor who comes off best.Regarding Assante though, it is clear that doing something with what he was given was not easy for him in having to work with such limp and unnatural sounding writing, too many far-fetched and on the wrong side of odd moments and an insipidly written character. In his favour, as said, he was clearly giving it a go and he was not completely wasted.That cannot be said for everybody else, with the rest of the cast looking uncomfortable and miserable in roles that are far too limited in writing and screen time. This is including Don Wilson and Bolo Yeung, have not seen in a while a film that wastes its cast like 'Diamond Cartel' does. It also has to be down there with the worst final films for any talented actor there is, Peter O'Toole deserved much better than this. There were talented actors that went out on career lows but still managed to be the best thing about the film in question (even the only good thing), Boris Karloff comes to mind. O'Toole was nowhere near close to being as lucky, didn't see the need for his involvement with his role being little more than a useless cameo with embarrassing dubbing that robs him of his distinctive speaking voice. The less said about Michael Madsen's phoning in the better.The dubbing as an overall whole, as has been said before in previous reviews, is terrible to the point of unintentional comedy. It certainly affects the dialogue, what was already a limp and cheesy script has those factors plus the strangeness and stilted-ness multiplied to the maximum. It also makes it difficult to take any of the characters seriously, a big problem when they were not interesting or likeable in the first place with insultingly stupid character behaviours. Moreover, the story never comes to life and is far too bizarre and far-fetched. The climax is far from spectacular, it was actually ridiculous beyond belief and not buyable or thrilling for a second. The action is clumsy and very deja vu, complete with confused editing at times. The effects are less than special as well, their slapdash look sticking out like a sore thumb.In summary, a long way from sparkling or a gem. 2/10 Bethany Cox

DIAMOND CARTEL is one of the worst films I've seen in a while, and I've seen a lot of them. It also happens to be the first film I've seen from Kazakhstan, which doesn't bode too well. This is a messy thriller with barely any kind of plot, just various 'good' and 'bad' characters chasing each other around, before finally coming together for a big shoot-out at the climax. The Kazakh leads are terrible and wooden in the extreme and the whole film has a too-bright look to it, with CGI backdrops throughout; even the main actress looks constantly airbrushed.Literally the only thing this mess of a movie has going for it is the cast, with lots of old-time faces showing up for cameos. The worst of these is poor old Peter O'Toole, whose swansong this is; his voice is dubbed over in a very insulting way. Michael Madsen shows up for five minutes and Don "The Dragon" Wilson sits at a table alongside Olivier Gruner and Tommy 'Tiny' Lister, perhaps remembering their '90s heydays. Armand Assante chews the scenery horribly as the villain of the piece, while Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa does his usual thing. Best of all is the great Bolo Yeung, who at least gets one (brief) fight scene. Other than the cameos and the fun ending, this film's terrible, so you have been warned.

Calling this an action movie is a stretch since there are only 3 or 4 very short action scenes all under 1 or 2 minutes. For the most part this is a crime/drama with a lot of people sitting around talking. Armand gets the most screen time. Bolo and Don are wasted. Bolo has one short fight where he throws two punches. That's it.The cinematography is decent which is why I'm giving it 3 stars. Having this many b movie stars in one place should be a treat, but most of these are cameo appearances only. I ended up fast forwarding through the movie in a futile search for the action. One final note: the climax made no sense any way you look at it. These characters are truly stupid. Skip this and go watch Skin Trade instead.