Rumpelstiltskin (1995)

Thanks for the memories!

Easily the biggest piece of Right wing non sense propaganda I ever saw.

It’s not bad or unwatchable but despite the amplitude of the spectacle, the end result is underwhelming.

Watching it is like watching the spectacle of a class clown at their best: you laugh at their jokes, instigate their defiance, and "ooooh" when they get in trouble.

Director Mark Jones attempts to replicate the success of his 1993 light-hearted horror hit Leprechaun with yet another tongue-in-cheek effort featuring an ugly, ancient, diminutive, wise-cracking fairytale villain; instead of 'I need me gold?', it's 'I want the baby John', wicked goblin Rumplestiltskin being more concerned with collecting the soul of an infant than in gathering up the shiny yellow stuff.Jones opens his film in the 1400s, somewhere in Europe, with Rumplestiltskin (Max Grodénchik) being pursued by angry villagers who are a little upset about his baby-stealing ways. As punishment, the pointy-eared chap is turned into a stone figurine and thrown into the sea. Cut to the present, and the hideous statuette is now on sale in a dusty old antiques shop in Los Angeles, where it catches the eye of recently bereaved cop's wife Shelley (Kim Johnston Ulrich); clearly doing alright on her widow's pension, Shelley buys the ugly effigy, but comes to regret her decision after she makes a wish whilst holding her new purchase: Rumplestiltskin, revived by Shelley's tears, makes her dream come true (granting her a brief reunion with her dead husband), but wants her baby son John in payment for services rendered.Rumplestilitskin is a reasonably entertaining slice of mid-90s trash: the script is suitably silly, the pacing reasonably fast, the gore good 'n' cheesy, and the dialogue delightfully daft ("F**keth me!"), with dumb but fun highlights including Rumpel going all Easy Rider on a Harley, and a desert buggy versus truck highway chase scene between Rumpel and unlikely hero Max (Tommy Blaze) that ends with a surprisingly decent crash/explosion. Essentially, it's a Leprechaun movie in all but name, and should prove passable entertainment for any fan of Warwick Davies' long-running franchise.That said, if I were forced to choose between Leprechaun and Rumplestiltskin, I'd have to go with the cheeky Oirish chappie's first outing, partly because Davies makes for a more memorable monster than Grodénchik, but mostly because Davies' co-star was a young Jennifer Aniston. Kim Johnston Ulrich is pretty, but she's no Aniston (although, unlike the Friends star, she does provide some welcome nudity).

This knockoff of LEPRECHAUN is slow-moving, considering the flick spends most of its time with people speeding along highways and back roads, and it becomes all too obvious the filmmakers were working with no budget. Good old Uncle Rump is imprisoned in a jade carving in the 1400s and is accidentally freed in 1995 by a young widow with an infant. All the little goblin wants is the baby. Mom understandably stands between him and her baby. Rump slays a few people along the way, cackles a lot, and that's about it. The goblin is clearly pattered on the Leprechaun, and admittedly is occasionally amusing. The young mom on the run reminded me a little of the legendary Betsy Russell of 1980s and 1990s horror films, but without the acting ability. This may be safely skipped.

"Hmm, there's beautiful big money to make with horror movies about ugly little creeps…" That's what writer/director Mark Jones must have thought after the release of "Leprechaun" in 1993 and, since other directors were already making sequels to his horror movie, he promptly started writing a script revolving on another midget committing nasty and gruesome deeds. There are quite a number of similarities between "Rumpelstiltskin" and "Leprechaun", even aside from the titular characters' short length. Both movies revolve on unworldly creatures – one from the Irish mythology and the other a medieval fairy tale character – being unleashed in modern civilized times. They're both fanatically searching for something that righteously belongs to them, whether it's a pot of gold or the soul of a firstborn baby, and they are eager to butcher a whole lot of people whilst firing off one cheesy and ludicrous one-liner after the other. I vividly remember reading and listening to the fairy-tale version of "Rumpelstiltskin" as a child. It was one of my favorite macabre stories, what with its 15th Century rural setting and a plot containing elements like child kidnapping and emotional blackmail. The film version opens in these dark medieval times, but then quickly jumps forth in time towards the violence-infested streets of LA in the 1990's. Rumpelstiltskin is locked away in a magic stone, but he's set free when a mourning mother sheds a tear on the stone and wishes for her recently killed husband to come back from the dead and meet their son. When the wish is granted, hideous little Uncle Rumpel (as he hilariously refers to himself once or twice) claims ownership of baby John. The rest of the film depicts Rumpelstiltskin chasing after mother, child and a TV host guy who says equally retarded stuff as the evil dwarf. "Rumpelstiltskin" is fairly enjoyable 90's horror shlock, but you obviously cannot expect a good or even half-decent movie. Mark Jones seemingly hesitated about what he wanted to achieve as well, as the opening sequences (with the tragic death of a young policeman and his struggling being left behind at eight months of pregnancy) are serious-toned and melodramatic, but then as soon as Rumpel shows his hideous face the movie turns into a fast-paced and almost slapstick type of horror comedy. The little creep pretends to be Arnold Schwarzenegger in "The Terminator" because he smokes big cigars and consecutively steals a heavy motorcycle and a gigantic petrol truck. There are a couple of imaginative killings, but don't expect any gore. Max Grodénchik isn't as menacing as Warwick Davis was in "Leprechaun" – especially the voice isn't creepy enough – but he definitely is ugly enough for the job. Lead actress Kim Johnston Ulrich is very good, but all her direct colleagues Tommy Blaze and particularly Allyce Beasley only evoke sentiments of irritation.

Rumpelstillskin fails to deliver on the hype you may come to expect if you've seen those clever Leprechaun movies.This movie in my view actually tries too hard to explain the origin and m.o. of the title creature and thus detracts from its status as a crappy "creature flick." Part of what I find funny in these films is that something hits you completely off-guard and for no apparent reason. Here, all you have to truly wonder about is how Rumpelstiltskin knows how to drive a Harley and then a Semi. The movie begins in late medieval Europe, a scene replete with clichéd, scruffy pitchfork-carrying peasants. The townsfolk chase down the monster and a witch in the crowd manages to trap Rumpy in a statuette before he can eat the baby he stole (evidently the fairy tale's basis is in reality).Skip to "present day." Now this was confusing because even though this movie is allegedly from 1996 (and that's when I recall seeing it the first time), the celluloid's grainy-ness, actors' clothing, and general feel suggest a filming from at least a few years earlier. A widow with a newborn is dragged by a friend (with a high-pitched whiny voice) to the store of a mystical witch who sells trinkets, including a certain statuette. Said widow releases Rumpy by wishing upon it that her husband were alive to see the baby. He comes back, makes sweet love to her, then changes into the beast he truly is. He thus sets off a chase across the countryside as she tries to hide the baby, eventually enlisting the help of a local TV personality, and they lock Rumpy up again in a pointless and unexciting fashion not worth dwelling on here. They hoist the statuette into the sea in a bid to set up a sequel. Boring summary, isn't it? The movie's much of the same.This movie is really sort of dry compared to the other creature flicks, and it overall isn't all that funny, which is what I look for in the BAD movies. Rumpy has a few one-liners that are mildly entertaining and the climactic battle is funny in an overacted, over-dramatized sort of way. The monster also walks around in duck walk all the time for some reason, which is sort of funny to watch, as is the actor's grotesque appearance.There's really not much more to say about it. This one is really only for those hardcore fans of crappy horror flicks. Certainly don't let your kids watch it - this has nothing to do with the harmless character of Grimm brothers fame.