Bad Channels (1992)

Sorry, this movie sucks

The film creates a perfect balance between action and depth of basic needs, in the midst of an infertile atmosphere.

Like the great film, it's made with a great deal of visible affection both in front of and behind the camera.

The story, direction, characters, and writing/dialogue is akin to taking a tranquilizer shot to the neck, but everything else was so well done.

I saw the movie at a video rental, and thought the title was intriguing. It looked like a cheap-o flick, but how bad could a movie called "Bad Channels" be? Well, the title is a hint.I guess it's supposed to be some alien creature's rock-and-roll fantasy of overpowering women with '80's rock. (I guess you could call it rock....the bands were no-name bands that couldn't hold down a gig in their own garage, they stunk that bad.) Anyway, there's a rock station out in the desert somewhere, that gets assigned a frequency of 666 (AM or FM-I don't know, and if you see this movie, you really won't care, either). Apparently, the DJ's voice on this station, plus the lousy music he plays; seduces women, shrinks them to doll size, and transports them to bottles on an alien's nearby space craft. I guess he likes short women? The alien's ship has phallic symbols--for humor or sinister symbolism; who knows? It's a lousy movie, the kind that you suspect of being a joke because it's so incredibly stupid. The fight scene at the end between a human and the alien is pretty funny, though. Most of the film can be laughed at, in fact, if you're in the right mood. But it barely warrants a 3, even on a so-bad-it's-funny basis.

'Bad Channels' is one of the worst SF/horror movies ever made. It's so boring and unfunny that you could almost think it was directed by Ted V. Mikels of 'Blood Orgy Of The She-Devils' fame. In fact it was directed by Ted Nicolaou who previously made the useless 'TerrorVision'. Now that was one lame so-called comedy, but this one is even worse. Getting through to the very end was a real chore even with the fast forward on the remote in constant use. The other guy responsible for this crud is Jackson Barr who also scripted 'Trancers 2' (a.k.a. 'Future Cop 2'). Now that wasn't the greatest movie ever made but at least it was entertaining. I don't know what went wrong here but it's really one to miss. Even a soundtrack by Seventies Rock Gods Blue Oyster Cult and some allegedly "clever" parodies of music videos (a generic 80s hair band, a grunge thing, and a sorta Mr. Bungle/Primus one) can't save this utter waste of time. Paul Hipp (an Abel Ferrara semi-regular) leads a mediocre cast, which includes former MTV Veejay Martha Quinn and various other nonentities, in a ridiculous tale of aliens taking over a radio station with the plan of capturing Earth women, shrinking them and placing them in bottles. Why are they doing this? Who knows. Who cares. There is ONE, count 'em, ONE laugh in this whole movie and that is a cameo by b-grade legend Tim Thomerson, and that doesn't even happen until AFTER the final credits. This movie stinks on ice. Avoid at all costs!

Well, you certainly won't expect Citizen Kane renting this movie, but it's mildly entertaining. Martha Quinn really needed to have a better agent, given this and other career killers, but her chemistry with Paul Hipp (Dangerous Dan O'Dare) is enjoyable. The goal of the rest of movie is one thing pure and simply: titillation, and it doesn't accomplish that. The rock video visions, which I'm sure were intended to give a rock-n-roll edge to the movie, simply detracted.

Bad Channel is an embarrassing outing by "Subspecies" director Ted Nicolaou. Actually, to get to the point, watch Ted's "Subspecies" movies(there are 4 of them as of December 1998) instead. However, we are here to review and comment on "Bad Channels". This pic stars everyone's favorite 80's MTV vj Martha Quinn in a spirited performance as Lisa Cummings, a local reporter. She is the center of a prank created by DJ Dangerous Dan O'Dare(Paul Hipp), but soon the prank is turned on Dan when an alien takes over the radio station. That is much as I will give away on this classic. The move is split up by pathetically made music videos starring bands that have never heard of, and I'm sure that I will never hear of again. The highlight of the film is, again as I have said in other films starring her, Charlie Spradling. Charlie, who plays Cookie, gives it her all as a waitress. I gave the film a 4, only recommended to Full Moon fans.