Roller Blade (1986)

Wonderful character development!

It's funny watching the elements come together in this complicated scam. On one hand, the set-up isn't quite as complex as it seems, but there's an easy sense of fun in every exchange.

This film is so real. It treats its characters with so much care and sensitivity.

An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

In the future, there will be an apocalypse. This will make useless any vehicle more motorized than a bicycle. So roller blades will rule the world.Enter the roller blading nuns. They help law enforcement defeat evil in the near-lawless future of the film. Like all post-apocalyptic nuns, these naturally are martial arts experts and speak in a quasi-Shakespearean way. Of course, the writer can't do even this correctly, so "verily we geteth a lot of painful dialogue-eth".This movie is very bad - story, dialogue, acting, effects and direction all fail miserably. When my buddies and I rented it, we realized our mistake when the film ended - and scenes on the back of the VHS tape box were not actually in the movie. I can not stress this strongly enough. If your marketing dept thinks your finished product is so awful that they must use shots from the editing room floor to market your film, then you should retire from film-making.

Roller Blade is not and has not pretense of being a great movie. Anyone applying a rigorous scientific analysis to the technologies depicted will either pull out her hair or laugh herself silly.But it delivers exactly what it promises = action & babes in skimpy outfits. And as one of those babes is the delicious Michelle Bauer, this remains one of my guilty pleasures.There were just enough literary references in the movie to lead me to believe the producers toyed with the idea of making it a serious flick, but then we were treated to more babes.All Michelle Bauer fans should watch every film she ever appears in, even this one.

This is the kind of movie that you either love or love to hate. This is a deliberately campy and schlocky zero budget outing and director Jackson has even cast camp movie auteur Fred Olen Ray's young son in this one. It is post-apocalyptic movie where the rulers send out the shakespearian talking skate patrol to police. Nude babes, cheesy effects, deadpan dialog and pure sillyness makes this an irresistable turkey. Roundup your friends and have a big laugh! 10/10

This was a tough one to sit through. In my quest to find the worst movie ever made, I have come across "Glen or Glenda" and "Manos: The Hands of Fate", but "Roller Blade" may edge out these two as the most painful of media to watch (aside from the evening news). Be warned. Not for the faint of heart.