Camel Spiders (2011)

Slow pace in the most part of the movie.

A Major Disappointment

A lot more amusing than I thought it would be.

While it doesn't offer any answers, it both thrills and makes you think.

I enjoyed the opening credits of bright green coming at you while some action western music is playing. The opening scene has a lot of action. US forces are fighting against...Taliban? In Iraqistan or somewhere? One US soldier is killed. The enemy is carried off by BA spiders. The grasp of the spider causes one to shoot their guns aimlessly into the air instead of at the spider. A spider crawls into the mouth of the dead American soldier and makes it back to the US where through a number of plot continuity issues it is released into the Arizona desert. Do we really transport deceased soldiers in wooden crate boxes?The spiders are about the size of a cat. No one steps on them or crushes them. They can outrun a human and leap 6 feet into the air. They are very aggressive and always attack people's head...or crotch in one case. There are a number of groups of people trapped by the spiders, who for some reason hunt humans as pack animals. The spiders appear to be CG as are the flames from the guns.C. Thomas Howell plays the local sheriff and is not the main character. Brian Krause is the main character. The dialouge was unimaginative and boring as were the characters tossed at us.Little girl: "Mom, are we going to die?" Mom: "No we're not going to die. We are going to be just fine. Little girl: "Well, then can you and daddy get back together?"At one point we hear "Technically they are not spiders because they have six legs." If you count the legs: eight. The film reminded me of that old fashion Roger Corman over the top bad scenes. 4 stars is generous. Might work as a rental for the early tween.No f-bombs, sex, or nudity. Mild swearing, teens making out, rear urination scene, occasional blood squirt.

This movie is, perhaps, one of the worst movies I have ever watched. Starting from the bad CGI effects, all the way to the guns being marked with paint to show they are toys and not real, someone should have a little bit more expectations when making this farce. Had there been a smidgen of comedy in it, I might have enjoyed the movie even just a bit.While the landscape was beautiful, someone forgot to mention to the producers of the show, that if your characters announce they are in Arizona, maybe the license plates of ALL the vehicles shouldn't say California, including the sheriff's car.I almost felt sorry for some of the actors having to trying to portray anything resembling a real person, and can probably count on one hand the ones that actually did act. As a young actor, C. Thomas Howell had chops; now I know that he must only pick bad movies to make up his resume as he gets older; so sad.I especially love the fact that the group of people hiding out in the basement, were actually above ground, as shown by the windows in the background. Or when people go into a room, with a broken window, and state they'll be safe there.So many things were wrong, you could actually pick any scene from the movie and discover the ridiculousness of it all.If you really, really love crappy movies or want noise in the background while you are doing something else, this movie is for you!

About half-way through the dreadful Camel Spiders, some way-too-old-to-be students are running for their lives from the non-spider camel spiders through a forest and when they take up shelter in what appears to be a foreclosed home, one pulls out his phone for an absolute perfect picture he took of one of the creatures as they were fleeing.By this point in the movie, all hope has been lost that any of what you saw was either real, scary, threatening or any kind of lesson for film students – except of what NOT to do. And even after I've given up on the last drop of my suspension of disbelief, when I saw this (see picture) I lost it.I promise to spend as much time on this review as they did making this movie…so I better act quickly as I only have a few minutes to write the rest of this.From the cartoon opening warning of a oh-so-Syfy creature feature that sets the immediate stage of "PLEASE don't take this movie seriously!" to the terrible job of CGI camel spiders – AND CGI BLOOD that made the 1990 Video Games look high-tech, to the actors who were paid to act like your child's 2nd grade Shakespearean performance of the year, the move poses a simple question: Are you afraid of spiders?I am. Definitely. Absolutely. Terrified, I am. They gross me out, especially the large and hairy ones. Granted, these aren't real spiders, despite the name – like pineapples, I suppose, and the script reminds us of this, repeatedly. But, since the little-to-way-too-large creatures were so incredibly cartoonish, they were as frightening to me as Misterjaw.I mean, I get the point of the movie – I wasn't asleep, though that would've been a nice reprieve, but a campy story of stowaway "spiders" from the Middle East to a dying Arizonan town (minus the locations: Arachnophobia anyone?) without any fun, or at least some decent special effects, like the highly superior creature-feature, 2010's Piranha, is just that: damn camp.It's not worth a watch or barely a mention, even for those who know camel spiders do, in fact, exist, and are deathly afraid of spiders.

Based on actual creatures that for years have tormented our armed forces in the Middle East, these creatures have now invaded the southwestern deserts of the United States. The Camel Spiders now freely hunt for prey, unafraid of any predator -- including man.This film should have some redeeming value -- directed by B-legend Jim Wynorski, produced by legend Roger Corman, and starring my good friends Brian Krause ("Sleepwalkers") and Jon Mack... how can this go wrong? I do not know, but it did.My biggest complaint about this film is that nothing in it is convincing. On top of the bad CGI spiders (which is to be expected from any Corman production these days), there is just no reason to believe the Middle East shots were in the Middle East. The Army uniforms do not look right, and it is not clear why they are wearing camouflage when not in combat.The story is thin... giant camel spiders attack. When you shoot them, they die. There is no subtext, there is no intellectual theme here. Just a creature feature gone horribly awry.