Tank Commandos (1959)

The Worst Film Ever

Simply Perfect

Good films always raise compelling questions, whether the format is fiction or documentary fact.

It's funny, it's tense, it features two great performances from two actors and the director expertly creates a web of odd tension where you actually don't know what is happening for the majority of the run time.

---SPOILERS--- I DVR'd this from the AMC channel (never watch anything on it unless it's a last resort with all the commercial breaks, but DVRing allows me to fast forward). The thing with watching anything on AMC is they LOAD it up with commercials, and thats a shame because it was about 15 years ago an awesome channel in direct competition with Turner Classic Movies and commercial free, the times change. AMC put 36 minutes of commercials on to this 79 minute movie, ridiculous. Anyway I was slightly encouraged when I saw it was an American International film (meaning bad movie, good cheesy action), but those hopes were dashed when the opening scene promotes a 12 year old Italian kid as the star. The other stars (for me) are all unrecognizable with the exception of one of the guys who gets killed in the beginning (and he's a grade above extra in a regular production). I was willing to go as high as 5 or 6 stars if the ending was "awesome" but it's also a total let down. I mean if your a war film buff like me you'll try to see it, but there is nothing of interest here otherwise. If your a "so bad it's good" fan, you may like it, they use Pershing(?) post WW2 tanks in the film for BOTH the Germans and Americans, talk about not giving a crap! American International does it again, if it doesn't have Vincent Price in it you should best stay away from an AI release! 2 of 10. Make sure it's recorded so you can fast forward... a lot.

Movies are meant to entertain. Tank Commandos did that for me, but not in the conventional way. In my opinion, it was so bad, it was good! I wondered if this movie was a weekend project for an amateur theatrical group that had some uniforms and weapons and too much time on their hands. One commodity they seemed to be very much short of, in addition to acting talent, however, was in FILM. This was constantly evidenced by seeing how many of their patrol they could get into the same frame of film. The concept of "don't bunch up" must have escaped these brave G.I.'s or maybe they were sick that day in Boot Camp when it was explained. Not only would a grenade or an "88" take out the whole patrol, a single rifle shot could have had at least two or three of them. Oh... and how about a little "security" when out there in the 'Badlands'? The way they lounged around in a bombed out building in the enemy town, you would have thought they were in the South Bronx. Oh... and how about noise discipline??? Three G.I.'s in a bombed out house are talking so loud about how they were going to do in two German soldiers standing outside, it's a wonder these two enemy combatants weren't on their way to Berlin by the time the plan was put into action. It was so magnificantly bad.... it was good!

This movie is just another WWII drama, one of the countless that Hollywood shoveled out in the 50's. Nothing particularly remarkable about the characters or plot, it's just the simple story of a demolitions group out to destroy a barely submerged bridge that Nazi tanks are using to cross a river. The characters are not particularly memorable, it just seems to blend in with the zillion other WWII movies made over the years. It's not that it's bad, it's just bland and forgettable. It is very dry and procedural, it has almost a documentary feel to it in places (the heavy use of file footage of tanks and artillery contribute to this). If I can make any compliment about it, it is that documentary feel to it, it doesn't relish the drama, it's about men on a mission and accomplishing that mission.

Forty-five Apple, an Ammo and Demolition unit, is assigned to a Recon mission to determine how the Germans are crossing a deep river to refortify an Italian city with tanks and supplies. These combat-weary 'Demo' experts resent doing recon, taking risks and facing the dangers normally left to "mud sloshers" (Infantry). The film focuses on the experiences and reactions of two men: Pvt. Sonny Lazzotti (the group's interpreter) and Lt. Jim Blaine, their commanding officer. Later, after the secret of the hidden route is revealed, the team goes into action and you get to see demolition techniques and procedures that I believe were never before portrayed in earlier WWII movies.The film makes up for its lack of Star power with exceptionally realistic dialogue, performances, plot, and hard-hitting direction. "Tank Commandos" has a convincing, matter-of-fact feel to it that somehow reminds me of the Korean War movie, "Pork Chop Hill", and the very best of the TV series, Combat!