ReVamped (2007)

hyped garbage

Good movie, but best of all time? Hardly . . .

If the ambition is to provide two hours of instantly forgettable, popcorn-munching escapism, it succeeds.

There are better movies of two hours length. I loved the actress'performance.

Like all good vampires films, it delivers on cleavage. The beginning was good enough to hold my attention. However after the main character re-animated, it went downhill. What started out as a clever campy movie degraded into B grade film. And in my R rated version, the women have sex with their tops on. I would have expected something more physical from super strong vampires: tossing each other around the room, knocking over furniture etc.

Successful businessman Richard Clarke is bitten by a beautiful vampire and is plunged into the dark world of the supernatural. Richard very quickly realizes that being undead isn't all that it's cracked up to be and must fight for survival, when a militaristic team of Vampire Hunters, the S.T.A.K.E. Team, discover his existence. Barely surviving, Richard's presence is brought to the attention of The BLEEDERS, a savage underground gang of Vampires bent on survival at all costs. All Hell breaks loose as it turns into a war for survival and no one is taking any prisoners. Let the bloodbath begin!OK film as long as you don't expect too much.

"Revamped" is a curio in the comedy-vampire subgenre, and like many of its brethren it has its faults and its highlights.The biggest flaw for "Revamped" could have been its biggest highlight - the comedy element (or dissolving of). Much of the best comedy of the film is derived in the intro, which is a condensed version of Rector's "Fatal Kiss" (you could say that "Revamped" is a pun in title as a re-make or extended version of the motiffs and themes in "Fatal Kiss"). The original material is just that: really original and completely hilarious. After the intro, the movie takes a turn, which is doesn't quite recover from. Rector holds the best comedic lines, but he is gradually phased out of the movie to allow its many subplots and characters to take over. This is a bad move as Rector carried the original "Fatal Kiss" quite well, and I think he could have done the some in this one as well.The best comedic dynamics belong to the cop duo of Reeger and Peters, who definitely carry the movie in the second half, which unfortunately becomes quite convoluted. A vampire SWAT task force, a legion of evil vampires that want to block out the sun, reference to vampire wars that just occurred, an asylum that is a haven for half-breed vampires, etc. The movie takes on the weight of too much, and cannot carry the load - it instead dumps the comedy for action/adventure: kung fu vampires, police shoot outs, fisticuffs, etc. I think to truly have been successful would to have dropped a few of these subplots, focused on the themes in "Fatal Kiss" (vengeful husband who wants to become a vampire-?), and really maintained the parodies and humour that "Fatal Kiss" did so well.The movie does look higher quality than its budget would suggest, and I would say this is impart from the hard work Rector put into it - it really shows. Taking on the many roles and behind the camera hats (producer, caster, writer, etc.) definitely shows his dedication to his project, recalling perhaps the dedication showed by Don Coscarelli. of "Phantasm".The biggest highlight of "Revamped" would be its endless stream of genre faces. Reggie Bannister, Billy Drago, Fred Williamson, Tane McClure - the movie is an endless parade of great stars that have all paid their dues to the genre in the years prior. Such implied homages by these stars' presence is quite welcome - if this was combined with a tighter emphases on comedy, I believe "Revamped" would've been a quintessential vampire movie.

You'd think with a cast full of B-movie names that populate "Revamped" it'd be a bit better than this vampire horror comedy turns out. Not as many yuks yuks or surprises, and the low budget hurts it when the action occurs. Many great names go rather underused, probably because director-star Jeff Rector couldn't pay them enough. Below-par special effects might either charm the pants off-you(..this goes for the acting as well)or cause intense groaning. It's not without moments, though.A wealthy businessman, Richard(Jeff Rector)finds out his wife's cheating, and calls a "vampire hotline" so that he could be turned. That vampiress who does so comes in the package of still-sexy Tane McClure as Lilith. Lilith and Richard develop feelings for each other and their sparks will be rekindled five years later, after his cremated ashes spill on the blood of undertakers(..one of them being Lurch, Carel Struycken)assassinated by a couple of Satanists. Richard does get revenge on his wife and her lover(played by Kato Kaelin, haha)and soon finds refuge with underground vampires hiding from a human task force led by the disgruntled Jake Hardcastle(a bulky Sam J Jones, of Flash Gordon fame)whose face was scarred by an attack from his wife and daughter, turned vampires he'd have to eliminate. Besides the human task force, Richard and his underground people must also contend with a vampire cult, led by Vladimus(the rat-like Billy Drago, with only a few scenes, but just as theatrical and menacing..a most welcome presence, no matter how under-utilized)and his muscle Kahn(Deron McBee). Richard finds his allegiances complicated when he finds that Lilith is sided with Vladimus, and the human side which remains longs to support his underground pals. He'll find an unlikely alliance with two cops, Detectives Reeger(Martin Cove, of The Karate Kid fame)and Peters(former male porn star Paul Michael Robinson, playing gleefully against type as a virginal Mormon). Richard has an underground friend named Mary(Alana Curry, looking quite yummy in a tight shirt and jeans)who just so happens to be Reeger's "thought-to-be-dead" daughter. Lilith is torn in her support for stopping Vladimus and his undead gang from participating in a ceremony called the "Black Dawn", reading from a book of the dead during a certain full eclipse, needing a virgin to sacrifice..that virgin they desire is Mary. Lilith will join forces with Richard, but has a major problem..her sister, Lexa(Christa Campbell, some more eye candy)is an avid supporter of Vladimus and his plans for a "vampire Armageddon."The violence is never too brutal and oftentimes many of the murders occur off camera probably due to lack of funding. Director Jeff Rector tries to combat his financial woes by injecting silly humor, poking fun at the vampire genre through his tongue-in-cheek screenplay feeding the characters with dialogue that will either work or not work considering your mood entering this particular film. There were times I chuckled, and Rector's limitations didn't bother me as much as they might others(..it does have a rather low IMDb rating, so I'm guessing most found it an awful watch). Some other actors who stop by for a moment or two include Fred Williamson as Reeger and Peters' superior Captain Michaels, Reggie Bannister(Phantasm)as a shady goth bar type who helps run a snuff film ring in his bar basement, Dennis Haskins(Principal Belding of Saved by the Bell)as a Satanist and Anne Lockhart, of all people, as all-smiles underground "half-breed" Celeste.