Teenage Space Vampires (1999)

From my favorite movies..

Absolutely the worst movie.

The film creates a perfect balance between action and depth of basic needs, in the midst of an infertile atmosphere.

It's funny, it's tense, it features two great performances from two actors and the director expertly creates a web of odd tension where you actually don't know what is happening for the majority of the run time.

More straight to video trash from Full Moon Pictures and Charles Band's 1990s Romanian empire, renowned for putting out cheap and cheerful horror and children's films in equal measure. This is one of the latter, a kid's adventure story in which the usual nerdish hero spots a UFO hovering over his town. A full-on alien invasion subsequently follows, albeit one done on a very low budget with an almost entire lack of realism. The acting is poor and the effects equally so, aside from a cool moving gargoyle which I liked the look of. This production is interminable when it should be exciting, the kind of thing that quickly outstays its welcome. And that's from someone who likes some of Full Moon's output. I put it on par with a Christopher Ecclestone-era episode of DR WHO.

Spoilers herein.I make a hobby of folded films. That's where the form and the content overlap in some interesting way. The story in this case is a simple twist on the vampire story: vampires triggered by alien influences pretending to be American small towners. The movie itself comes to us from Romania, purported origin of the story. (The film was coproduced by Canadian and Romanian interests.) It does an odd job of pretending to be American Small towners with an eastern European cast and a smattering of Canadians. Some voices are dubbed, and many have the accent usually invested in Dracula himself. The alien monster is as alien to Romania as the fictional Dracula is to London, where these things are usually set.I came to this because I am interested in Canadian fantasy and independently redheaded actresses. The redhead in this case was Lindy Booth, who appears as the blond head cheerleader, dating the soccer captain. Who knows what she really is, but in later projects she is red. I think she was made blond here.Of all film genres, vampire movies exploit redheads the most clearly. That makes it interesting that this one has neither the three brides, nor any redhead unless you count the thirty seconds Mihaela Munteanu is on screen.The production design was the worst part except for the spaceship. The design of the exterior on the ground was pretty interesting. More organic than anything else in the movie.Ted's Evaluation -- 1 of 3: You can find something better to do with this part of your life.

This is a movie that was probably made to entertain the middle school, early high school age kids. Maybe to them it's funny, they may possibly even see something scary in it. To me, the acting is poor, and plot is poor, there's just not much value at all for the adult viewer. I saw this film as weak and boring. At times there was the possibility that the movie could become interesting but it never really materialized. The creatures look pretty good but after seeing them for a few seconds, they don't seem to have any substance other than the look. At times I wasn't sure if the movie was trying to make another attempt at comedy or was it just another attempt at horror that failed again. This movie just wasn't good for me.

This is one of the worst movies I've seen in my life. If you're looking for a nice theatrical effect, skip it and watch something else.But if you're looking for camp-value, this is it. Here's my advice: Gather a few sarcastic friends and watch the movie strictly for the purpose of making fun of it.