Tales from the Crapper (2004)

Sorry, this movie sucks

Overrated

It's complicated... I really like the directing, acting and writing but, there are issues with the way it's shot that I just can't deny. As much as I love the storytelling and the fantastic performance but, there are also certain scenes that didn't need to exist.

In truth, there is barely enough story here to make a film.

"Tales from the Crapper" is gory, disgusting, tasteless, offensive, lowbrow and scatological. But that's OK, I was prepared for all that from my previous Troma experiences. What I WASN'T prepared for is that it's also witless, unfunny and boring. Very little of the genuine anarchic spirit of films like "Class of Nuke'em High" has remained intact; in its place, we get ENDLESS fart jokes (to the point where you start wondering if Lloyd Kaufman is going senile, thinking that adults find loud farting so darn hilarious!) and a cynical, shameless exploitation of the viewer, who is essentially investing time and money to see a "film" that even Kaufman himself seems to know should never have been released in the first place. Oh yes, there is plenty of female nudity on display, but let's face it: the average porn film probably offers a better storyline, higher production values, funnier humor, and above all more RESPECT for its intended viewer than this atrocity. P.S: Kelly Powers AKA Suzi Lorraine (the blonde lesbian student in the "How to make your own movie" segment) is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen.

Once upon a time, Troma head honcho Lloyd Kaufman gave former Playboy Playmate of the Year India Allen a quarter of a million dollars to make two features shot on "crappy digital video" and starring leggy cult queen Julie Strain. What she returned to Lloyd was unfinished and deemed unreleasable (unreleasable by Troma must be very bad, indeed!), lawsuits followed from both parties and finally after several years of toying around with the material (re-shoots, comic dubbing a la WHAT'S UP TIGER LILLY?, added framing devices…) we get the mess that is TALES FROM THE CRAPPER. There's no doubt that this is a dire production, but the new voice-overs poking fun at the features are at times hilarious and Lloyd lucked out that the crappy film footage contained the entertaining pulchritude of Strain. It took me awhile to warm up to Julie, but thanks to her performances in this and DELTA DELTA DIE! (also 2003) I now realize when she's in her element (and has a big enough role) she can make even the most rancid low-budget production worth sitting through.The first tale is titled (or re-titled) "The Case of the Melon Heavy Alien Man Eater" and features Julie as Ivana Dance, a cop so tough that she shoves a road cone up a rapist's ass. After busting some pedestrians (and waving her gun around in the air, firing shots that hit cars, cats and people in new comic sound effects), she infiltrates a series of strip clubs like "The Shimmering Beaver" to find out who or what has been killing the dancers and patrons. The culprit turns out to be a mantis-headed alien stripper monster who does such things as ripping a guy's penis off and shoving it through his head and forcing a urinal cake down a guy's throat in the restroom. Kevin Eastman (aka the guy who created the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and also aka Mr. Julie Strain) plays her murdered partner and India Allen herself plays a reporter. Julie has a weird sex scene with a blow-up sex doll that turns into a woman (Arban Ornelas) who then goes to work at the club (??) One of the other strippers is played by B movie regular Antonia Dorian (DINOSAUR ISLAND), who through new dubbing becomes a transsexual stripper with a bad case of flatulence named Larry (I bet Antonia was just thrilled when she saw this).The second story is a very (read: very) dumb tale of a teen boy who wants to go to college, but whose financial aid has fallen through. He and two pals (including the fat guy from the TV show "Lost") then decide to throw a fundraiser party to help raise tuition. They pander on street corners handing out fliers and inviting complete strangers to their home to see three kinky strippers (I guess the proceeds from that little function MAY take care of a semester's worth of books... if they're lucky). The dancers (Julie Strain, Arban Ornelas and Masuimi Max) are actually lesbian vampires who plot to suck down as much blood as possible, and after an lengthy all-girl sex scene, they go to the party and start their feeding frenzy. Ron Jeremy works the door at the party and newly added scenes feature Trey Parker (as Juan Schwartz) telling a long bad-taste incest joke and guest victims like Ted Raimi (using the alias Bill Ferguson and getting anally raped to death), Trent Haaga, Ramzi Abed, Doug Sakmann and Eli Roth. Julie's half-sister, Lizzy Strain, also shows up at the party, as does the band New Found Glory.The two tales are frequently interrupted by new Troma vignettes and linking footage (which aren't nearly as funny as the stuff in the two stories). Lloyd and Michael Herz (played by big guy Joe Fleishaker) tell the history of Troma studios in one segment (where Debbie Rochon pops up in a cameo as the unheard-of feminist Troma co-founder Eva Lipshitz). Also, Lloyd shows up on Hollywood Boulevard with a trash bag over his head as "The Crap Keeper," rambles on and on and on and eventually interviews James Gunn (a former Troma alum who went on to script SCOOBY DOO and the remake of DAWN OF THE DEAD). There's also a long and tasteless threesome with "Kelly Powers" (Suzi Lorraine), Isabelle Stephen and tranny Jamie Greco thrown in for no apparent reason. Debbie shows up a second time as a film editor who rips her top off and gets to work re-cutting the second story.This is one DVD release that truly takes pleasure in scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Therefore it is important to talk about the DVD release instead of just the film. Tales from the Crapper is a film that only one studio in the world could deliver. The one that has brought us innovative and original REAL independent films for 30 plus years now: Troma. This is truly a very special film because it manages to be certainly not my favorite of the Troma-productions, but released on a disc that because of what I just said is one of my most valued and favorite DVD's. Not only counting the countless Troma discs I own, but counting my entire collection of films. The film itself is the result of an ill fated plan to produce a television series to be directed by a director who was trusted with a substantial amount of money (especially for Troma) to make something wonderful and delivered a lot of unfinished and incomprehensible material before quitting (or being fired, I am not sure which at this moment). In order to prevent having to shove a vast investment down the toilet Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz decided to get together a team of directors and actors and use the material as the backbone of one movie. One movie that really consists of two, in the nice old Tales From The Crypt anthology fashion, hosted by the Crapkeeper played by Mr Kaufman himself. But, as I said, not quite my own favorite of all their movies. That is greatly due to a weird sense of discipline at the various sets, forgetting about the hard Troma rule of "no booze on the set" which was discovered by a furious Lloyd and other less respectable employees that Troma had at the time of the filming of the added scenes. All this made it all but impossible for Mr Kaufman to make a worthwhile product in the editing room. But Lloyd Kaufman is a genius, and with the troubled added scenes to an already misshapen start-product he crafted not much less of a masterpiece. The film itself is as good as circumstances would allow the most brilliant filmmaker to slice together and it is certainly highly entertaining, totally confusing, loaded with those elements that made Troma great and certainly unique and one of a kind. As a film itself, though, not as brilliant as many other Troma productions. The genius of Independent Cinema however made the DVD of this film so much more than a release of a film with some extra's. The film is, when push comes to shove, actually only a part of the entire DVD that in its whole is a document of the difficult situation serious filmmakers find themselves in having to survive in a world that is monopolized by the few Very Big Ones who don't really allow any other players on their market turf. A document of the problems one has when trusting people to be on the level, only to find out that freedom sometimes is something that is hard to live up to and realization that access to a Movie Budget when the Boss is not around can corrupt even those who should really know better. The brilliance of this DVD is that the film is not perfect, and that Lloyd KNOWS it, and doesn't want to make anyone think he believes it is. The full-length commentary is a show in itself (as is often the case with Mr. Kaufan's audio commentaries), mixing humor, sneers at those who deserve it and highly interesting information for anyone interested in Independent Film-making in such a fashion that watching the film again with this commentary straight after viewing it on its own merits is so interesting it is hard to stop. The feature-length documentary THE THICK BROWN LINE takes us behind the scenes at the various locations where Lloyd visits the sets only to sometimes take over and make the most of what he finds there. We see him somewhat disillusioned sometimes, different from his appearances in other Making Of Documents such as Fart of Darkness and Apocalypse Soon, both to be found in the must-own MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN MOVIE box set. The added scenes with James Gunn (who started his career at Troma only to find success as a writer an now a director in Hollywood) and Trey Parker (again someone to start out with a Troma-released work, to later be a national hero with his South Park series) are entertaining and probably (as is much else on this release) a reason for obtaining this disc alone for anyone remotely interested in the work of these two characters. Loaded with much more than I could mention here (including a SECOND audio-commentary) this is one of the best Troma-DVD-releases.

Another BRILLIANT film from Troma. I'd goes as far as to say it's going to be the most unique film put out this year. The purpose of this film is hilarious in itself. According to the narrator THE CRAP KEEPER (played by Lloyd Kaufman, he better get an oscar nod for costume design) this movie was designed from the remains of two awful films they had made. As awesome as Troma is rather than putting out 2 boring BAD films they decided to make it one kicka** double feature. A double feature like no other, the adr work, narration, editing, and BONER-VISION make this one of Troma's finest gems. Lots of people will probably disagree, but these people have been cinematically brain washed. I enjoyed it more than Citizen Toxie, it was more from the hip, looser, as though it was pure creative freedom. Lloyd is the king of this stuff, he hasn't hung up his hat like Waters and so many others, he keeps exploring far away from the realms of safety.