Doctor Who: Voyage of the Damned (2007)

Save your money for something good and enjoyable

This story has more twists and turns than a second-rate soap opera.

This film is so real. It treats its characters with so much care and sensitivity.

The film's masterful storytelling did its job. The message was clear. No need to overdo.

Doctor Who is now one of my all time favorite shows (if you look on my profile and "Top 10 TV Shows" list, trust me, both Classic and New Who are there) and that owes no favors for this episode.So the plot technically starts with a short film called Time Crash, the only fond thing about this special, because it has its own IMDb page, sucks for the rest of this special but I'll give you a brief rundown - Doctor runs into past incarnation of Doctor, they bicker as usual, both actors look like they're having fun, they move on. While they got the characterization for Peter Davison's Doctor wrong...its a really great short and its what got me into Classic Who (even though I started with a Tom Baker story, go figure).Anyway, the story begins with a Space Ship thats modeled after The Titanic flying around outside Earth's orbit...so no one watching the sky NOTICES this? It'd be pretty hard to miss and The Doctor goes aboard this ship and befriends Kylie Minogue as an alien Stewardess (to be fair, I won't pick on her acting, partially because I'm not sure how much acting experience she's had and partially because...thats only a small problem) and he meets a couple of other aliens dressed in Cowboy suits because...it was a trick from the snobby aliens who said it was fancy dress...even though THEY'RE wearing Early 1910's dress. Don't think too hard about that. There's also an Earth expert who gets everything wrong played by Richard from Keeping Up Appearances(and thats the height of comedy in this episode...oh what, you thought a story about aliens replicating a space ship out of the Titanic would be completely comedic?), the only alien looking alien called Bavacavalatta (I have no idea if I spelled that right) and a stereotypical "asshole" join The Doctor.Anyway, the General from Tomorrow Never Dies and The World Is Not Enough pilots the Titanic into the path of oncoming meteors mainly because he's mentally flipped. So the goal is that The Doctor has to crawl his way, with the other passengers to the command bridge so they can stop the Titanic falling to Earth (because the WHOLE WORLD needs to be in danger to get emotional investment) while also fighting off "Information Robots" that are in the design of Angels (which, to this special's credit, look really good). Anyway, after a few of them die, The Doctor gives this speech thats supposed to be epic (considering the plot, is THIS where you'd REALLY put an "epic speech"?) and The Doctor asks for the help of one of the other...pilots(?) played by the Werewolf from Being Human and one of the people Russel T. Davies considered for the role of The Doctor after Tennant left (even though I LIKE Russel T Davies...NO! Thats miscasting if ever I've heard it!).Anyway, The Doctor meets up with the robots and he manipulates them into taking him to their leader (and he acts like he's never said that before even though he said that as Christopher Eccleston, the FIRST DOCTOR FROM NEW WHO AND FROM A SCRIPT THIS SAME WRITER WROTE!) and it turns out that the owner of the company who made this trip possible planned for this to happen (yes I remember what the first sentence was of the previous paragraph!) so there could be a major disaster, killing over 6 billion people because he lost controlling interest in the company and this would bring him back because of the sheer loss of lives...even though he's ON the cruise. One wonders why if that was to be a major disaster he planned to happen (even though that would rely on knowing the Captain would flip) why he'd even be in the same star system? If it failed, he could still make a decent case for his company takeover so...I really have nothing on why he's even there.Anyway, Kylie Minogue manages to kill him by driving a forklift into him (he's in a 'head chair', a wheelchair if the person using it was just a head) and even though she could've easily, Kylie doesn't bother to get out of the forklift as she's driving it over the edge (at a whopping speed of 5 miles an hour!) and she dies...anyone that stupid was asking for it. The Doctor goes up to the bridge, saves the Titanic JUST AS it was passing over Buckingham Palace (for some unbearably unfunny moments where the Queen and royal guards are in a panic about The Titanic falling) and he manages to pull up just in time and just as The Queen thanks him, even though, old or new, Elizabeth II has never met any incarnation of The Doctor.This is a really crap story, all around but the cherry on top of the cake is that this episode is dedicated to the memory of Verity Lambert, the first producer of Doctor Who and one of the first Female Producers at the BBC. She was a legend and gave birth to the show as fans know and love it today. And as a personal fan of the William Hartnell era of the show, what she deserved was a story on par with Genesis Of The Daleks, not THIS! This entire episode is BAD! Even by the standards of bad Doctor Who. It would've been laughed out of the writing room in the Colin Baker era and that Doctor had to fight bombs that turn people into trees! Its like one of the writers had a bet that they could get their kid's worst fan fiction of Doctor Who broadcast on Television. Whoever that kid was, I hope he improves as a writer and his father won big.

After series three of Nuwho came to a close with a whimper with the below par finale which was "Last of the Time Lords". I was counting that while Russel T. Davies wasn't the greatest writer when it came to family directed sci-fi that he might at least partially redeem himself. And while not completely awful. LOTTL was marginally better than this woefully insipid, vacuous way to bring an end to 2007's offerings. As about as welcome as walking in on your parents doing the deed and no where near half as entertaining. "Voyage of the Damned" not only earns the title of Turkey of the year. But It's one of the worst entries in Who history. Yes old and new series combined. And when you consider that it is up against dross which includes "Silver Nemesis" and "The Android Invasion" you realise that you're on to a bad thing.Immediately starting off from where the climax of LOTTL left off. VOTD places Tennant's tenth incarnation aboard a luxury space liner which is the hi-tech equivalent of the infamous HMS Titanic. Originating from an un-designated point in the future but orbiting 21st century and carrying a extreme amount of rich and not so wealthy passengers. It's hardly a shock when the worst happens as science fiction art partly imitates history and the liner is struck by a series of asteroids, with the vessel in partial ruins, many of the crew dead and only so many survivors. It is left to the Doctor with the assistance of a maid named Astrid (played by Australian pop princess Kylie Minogue) to save the day, so far so ho-hum.Its then that RTD makes the unappealing error of transforming the whole Farrago in to a "Posieden Adventure" inspired disaster movie in space rip off. I wouldn't mind so much but it's as uninspired and unsubtle as a brick being tossed through your window. Transferring key moments from the iconic 70's blockbuster with such haphazard third rate unsubtly that I shook my head at the sight of it. While the less about some of the dreadful dialogue the better. It's with some merit that the cast of supporting players which include veteran actors Clive Swift(notably famous for playing the long suffering Richard in "Keeping up Appearances")and Geoffrey Palmer(the dour faced star possibly known more for 80 sitcom "Butterflies)struggle to forge decent enough performances in this drivel. As do the rest of the actors. Tennant is reliable as ever while Minogue not largely known for her talent as an actress manages to be just about acceptable.The plotting is lazy and while it's pacing is even enough it doesn't compensate for some of the interminable dialogue and poorly developed characters. One of which is the obligatory sweet petite alien/cybernetic thrown in for good measure who utters some of the more inane babble imaginable. The added insult of a brief sub-plot where the Doctor has to prevent the ill fated liner crashing head long in to Buckingham Palace would be bad enough. Were it not the mournfully cheesy adage of witnessing a pseudo-cameo of the Queen outside running down the stair of the place in her night gown and slippers with the gratuitous shot of her corgi's thrown in for good measure. Throw in a jaw dropping moment of her waving thanks to the heroic Time Lord as in a hackneyed and derivative moment of patronising heroism. He manages to steer the figuratively sinking vessel from disaster at the last minute. Hurrah! Frankly I think it would have been more enjoyable had it crashed in to the old building. At least it would have been small mercy but this is "Doctor Who" after all and if our hero died then there would be no more series, would there.Throw in the requisite self centred passenger who should get his comeuppance, one half of a eccentric middle aged couple who is a thinly veiled variation on Shelly Winters character in TPA, less than terrifying robot enemies called hosts which resemble golden angels. And add the one dimensional mystery moustache twirling villainous mastermind behind the whole disaster (and I don't mean RTD) and what we're left with is an ironically speaking a real disaster, hindered more so by the shameful need to create a bit of romantic sparkle to the whole tawdry affair. You would have thought that after the show's long history not to mention that the previous years "The Runway Bride" was moderately diverting by not sinking to this level. But with eye candy like Minogue I suppose it was somewhat inevitable. Although It comes as little surprise when something "dreadfully unforeseen" occurs. Oh shock horror! The unmentionable happens! Finally driving to a coda where it all ends on what is I presume supposed to be a warm hearted yet somber conclusion. It once again sinks in to schmaltz driven, vomit drenched sentimentality. Tennant makes good with his fare wells and It couldn't be a moment too soon. Paving the way for a brief glimpse of what was to come in 2009's fourth series. And while thankfully appearing to seem half ways bearable. What would spring forth would be a mixed bag, although none of it could be quite as dire as what had preceded it. VOTD deserves to be condemned to the garbage bin of any "Doctor Who" encyclopedia as tremendous abomination, worst Christmas special and one of the worst stories ever.BTW, as a note of interest. Look out for the up and coming "Being Human" star, Russell Tovey as Midshopman Alonso Frame, a fine actor who deserved more than to have starred in this bilge.

These holiday specials can be pretty over the top, this one not so much. I know it was widely viewed by a captive holiday audience in Britain. By the time they air in the states, these eps have usually had all the fun bits edited out of them to accommodate ads. It rendered this particular ep choppy, confusing, and messing up what was a mess already. So you get to see Kylie Minogue in a French maid's getup. I guess it beats waiting for her to wear same in one of her videos. The whole affair left me cold, but I have great hopes for the Tate logs. She's abrasive, sure, but the doe-eyed girlie thing has pretty much run it's course. Viva Who!

I have been saddened by watching this episode. First of all, "Voyage" contains no new ideas: it is a rip-off of "the End of the World": aliens watching us from afar; and a female heroine that is willing to give her life for Doctor. But let us not forget there are bits and pieces from other previous episodes, "42" and "the Girl in the Fireplace".Secondly, I hated Kylie's character. I genuinely like Kylie and I know she CAN act, but there is no actor (or actress) that is able to overcome difficulties brought about by the script. And yes, she did look "matronly" (the Herald).Sorry folks, this is truly the worst episode of the new Doctor Who. Waste of time, waste of tape and, most of all, waste of such great potential of actors.