We're Going to Eat You (1980)

Truly Dreadful Film

Overrated and overhyped

An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

All of these films share one commonality, that being a kind of emotional center that humanizes a cast of monsters.

Switching from gross-out gore, to slapstick comedy, to entertaining martial arts mayhem in the blink of an eye, 'We're Going To Eat You' grabs your attention from the word go and doesn't let go until the credits roll.Tsui Hark's second movie as a director sees Norman Chu as Agent 999 who, whilst tracking down the notorious bandit Rolex (Eddy Ko) on a remote island, stumbles upon a town inhabited by cannibals. Agent 999 spends the majority of the movie avoiding being filleted and served as a main course, only to be captured when he arrives back on the mainland. But with the help of some unlikely allies, some firecrackers and a couple of handy pairs of roller-skates, the good guys fight back and kick major cannibal ass!! This totally mad movie feels as though Tsui Hark made things up as he went along, but this only adds to the brilliance of the film—all semblance of logic quickly goes out of the window and it soon becomes apparent that anything might happen, and probably will.Even with the occasional lull in the action, the loads of blood and guts, nicely choreographed fights courtesy of Corey Yuen, and truly unforgettable characters (including a sex mad giant of a woman and some of the ugliest actors ever committed to celluloid), ensure that We're Going To Eat You is solid trashy entertainment from start to finish.

We're Going to Eat You (1980) is a horror-action-comedy from the legendary film maker Tsui Hark. After debuting with his equally bizarre BUTTERFLY MURDERS, Mr. Tsui returns with this homage to the Italian Zombie films and kung-fu flicks of the seventies. Filled with blood, gore and sound clips from the Italian Prog-Rock band Goblin, this movie is a must see for any survival horror film fans. This one was also heavily influenced by the films of Ruggero Deodato, Umberto Lenzi and Tobe Hopper. Not your ordinary kung-fu film!Several people have disappeared on a remote island near Hong Kong. The people of this island are all insane and crave the taste of human flesh. They feed on unsuspecting visitors and escaping fugitives. One day a government agent named 999 (Norman Tsui) is in the area looking for a long time federal fugitive named Rolex (Melvin Wong). After being robbed by a fellow traveler and left to die in a trap, Agent 999 comes across the mad residents of the island's city. No one wants to co-operate. So after beating up a few locals, the chief of police (Eddy Ko) grants him an audience and points him in the direction of a nearby slaughterhouse. Foolishly, he heads off to the house and nearly winds up on the residents' plate.Despite all of the evidence presented to him and meeting the fugitive Rolex, he refuses to believe that the islanders are cannibals. The chief is fed up with Agent 999's snooping and decides to get rid of him. The runaway thief is also hiding out in town and he witnesses' first hand the barbaric cannibalism and tries to warn the police chief. He winds up being chased by the police who are in cahoots with the cannibals. Desperate to escape the pot, the thief uses the chimney technique to flee the hungry cops. He even uses a cat as a weapon. But all to no avail, the thief is captured and thrown in a cell waiting to be eaten.Rolex is sick of the cannibals and tries to help Agent 999. The chief suspect's Rolex's treachery and kills him dead. Still in denial, Agent 999 skins off Rolex's tattoo and leaves the village. He doesn't get far and is captured. In despair and praying for help from anyone, Agent 999 is about to be sliced and diced before the thief (who escaped earlier thanks to a friendly local) frees Agent 999 and helps the kid and the agent kill the captors and look for the kid's sister. Agent 999 has no luck because he's captured again. The chief is taking no chances and wants to slice him up in public. Before he can, the thief and the kid fight off the cannibals using a couple of pairs of roller skates and a case of firecrackers.The desperate trio rescue the girl and leave for the beach. They find a hidden raft and take it to safety. A crazed lone cannibal jumps on the raft and attacks the three dudes. Agent 999 goes psycho and kills the man with his bare hands. Saitified, the agent swims out the rescue the thief and the kid. When they return, they scream in horror as the sister has ripped the dead man's heart out and holds it out for all to see. She's very hungry.A pretty down beat ending for a crazy movie. This was made during Tsui Hark's "dark period". He made three depressing films BUTTERFLY MURDERS, WE'RE GOING TO EAT YOU and the very rare DON"T PLAY WITH FIRE. Filled with a lot of gore, toilet humor and some wild stunts and fight scenes.Highly recommended.

Now this is a really fun black comedy. Super secret Agent 999 and an unnamed thief/tourist (we think his name might be Harry, but we also may have misread the subtitle 'Hurry', since the subs were pretty small) stumble upon a village of cannibals in the backwaters of a Chinese jungle. 999 is on the trail of (Violent) Rodent/Rat/Ratface/Rolex (his name seems to change throughout the film), a big-time international criminal of indeterminable evil that is supposedly hiding out in the area.Of course, we find out this township is filled with cannibals long before "Harry" and especially 999 do. Both are treated as major attractions when they walk into town separately (999 got caught in a trap, so "Harry" robbed him) and are assaulted...though in different manners. "Harry" finds himself on the wrong end of some amorous advances by a huge ugly woman (seriously, she's at least a foot taller than anybody else in the film) with syphilis. 999 is attacked by whooping cannibal butchers wearing odd green masks.Anyhow, the film follows a fairly logical progression up until the climactic battle between 999 and the Chief (of police), the dictatorial ruler of the village who refuses to give out fair shares of meat. As another reviewer has mentioned here, there is quiet a bit of communist thought in this movie (critcising its abuses and, SPOILER******showing it going off the best when the system is returned to the people******SPOILER) and some philosophic though ("If you don't eat people, they'll eat you" is symbolic), but you can also just enjoy it. This is a wonderful black comedy, with a lot of physical comedy routines mixed in with the martial arts, as well as some verbal jokes. This is a very enjoyable experience if you can see it. If you enjoyed Dead Alive, Story of Ricky, or Seventh Curse, and don't mind trying to make out the smallest subtitles ever, this movie is for you.This is the second movie that the legendary Tsui Hark directed. You may remember his work from the Zu movies, A Chinese Ghost Story, Once Upon a Time in China, and Time and Tide. There's also Norman Choi (AKA Norman Tsui Siu-Keung) appearing as 999, two years before his role as Hashimoto in the monumental Duel to the Death. Eddy Ko, who was the Chief in this movie, was also in Duel to the Death as Kenji, Rumble in the Bronx, and Lethal Weapon 4 (!) as Hong. This is interesting to see where some of the people ended up. It seems this was the only movie half of the cast/crew was in, but the other half went on to great things. If you're just a completist, this is certainly a must-have curiosity. If you just want some fun with the occaisonal gore, this should also be up your alley.I just wish I knew who did choreography. When watching this movie with friends, they were slack-jawed, though it often wasn't amazing by comparison to other films I've seen. Not to say it was bad--no, the martial arts were at the very least on the level and probably on the upside, though wouldn't distinguish this film from any other myriad kung-fu flicks out there on its own (unless you count the comedy in the fights). If you're a conneseur, it won't be excellent, but it'll be competent. If you're not used to the intricacies of martial art movie fights, you should be impressed.Now to stop ranting. You shall purchase this, now!

two men walk in the forest on an island. they are briefly separated, when the fatter of the two is attacked by four men with cleavers, wearing aprons and leatherface masks. after he is hacked to death, the other one is cornered and brought back to a village, he pleads "can't we all get along" and then he is put on a table and sawed in half.. no none of this is half as gory as is sounds. in fact it is oddly funny. After all these four are just feeding a large community who don't have enough meat. unfortunely, there favorate meat is called traveler (the other white meat). the leader of the the group (eddy ko ,LEATHAL WEAPON 4, HEROS SHED NO TEARS), who dresses like he just robbed a third world dictator, is giving most of the meat to the 'security forces (leatherface look alikes) and the population is getting restless. he manages to placate them a bit, by sending them to a funeral, but all is not well in this glorious canabal paradise (yes there are serious overtones of comunism in this film). now enters security agent 999, hot on the trail of a bandit who now lives in the village. he comes to town, amidst much applause (he looks mighty tasty), and manages to fight off every hungry attacker, all of whom he thinks are sent by the bandit. and then things start getting bloody . . .this whole movie has the feel of an extended sick joke, but it stays funny throughout, thanks to inventive kung-fu deaths (involving messy means) throughout lots of inventive fight scenes. their are dozens of intricate sight and situation gags, even in the middle of combat scenes. my personal favorate is when agent 999 rolls a cigarete on the face of an attacker before beating the crap out of him. the violence is gorier than a kung-fu flick, but tame compared to most horror films. i managed to catch a screening of one of the two last remaining prints, but i think it is available on vcd and tape. it is a great late night party films, especially with buckets of popcorn on hand to throw at the screen