These Old Broads (2001)

Simply A Masterpiece

Excellent, Without a doubt!!

If the ambition is to provide two hours of instantly forgettable, popcorn-munching escapism, it succeeds.

There is, somehow, an interesting story here, as well as some good acting. There are also some good scenes

This film is filled to the brim with fantastic Hollywood injokes and highly entertaining dialogue for those people who are familiar with the historical private lives of these individual actresses. For those people who don't know the lives of "these old broads," don't bother watching it, you won't get it. I'm sure that's the situation with most of the people who gave this film negative reviews. I understand how this movie could be frightfully boring and meaningless to those people who aren't versed in classic Hollywood lore, as nearly all of the situations and lines are witty remarks about the actress playing the role, but for those of us who get the joke, it is a brilliant, hysterically funny piece of work.

The "Old Broads" were playing themselves of course (or at least their public image) and a fabulous sendup it is. I thought it all hilarious and cheers to the ladies for their sense of humor. Maybe Liz was rather much with her obviously phony Brooklyn accent but it fit in with the camp sensibility. I can't imagine why anyone finds the scene in the gay bar objectionable since it's no more "real" than the rest of the movie and fits in with the plot IMHO.It's not Shakespeare but who cares?January 20, 2017: In view of the events surrounding the recent day-apart deaths of Carrie Fisher and her mother Debbie Reynolds, I think it's time to put out a deluxe DVD reissue of this TV movie.

If you're fed up to the back teeth with pretty young things with silicone enhanced breasts and un-enhanced talent, this is the movie for you! The team of Collins, Reynolds, and McClaine are a laugh riot in their roles as mature actresses with less-than mature mentalities, libidinous tendecies, and old grudges. And speaking of mature...well...let's just say that most of the humor is a bit too hot for children. (Especially when Collins' Mobster boyfriend...Nah, I'm not givin' it away!)

Okay, so the film is almost totally witless, crude, vulgar, and silly, and heavy-handed in its treatment of the homosexual subplot. The script could've done better justice to these stars, but the stars, or at least two of them, generally execute the professionalism we have come to admire so much in them. And they do have fun spoofing their reputations and public personas... Debbie Reynolds, in particular, seems to be having the time of her life making fun of her eternally perky, virginal persona. I am not familiar with Joan Collins' other work, but though she looks great 'cause of all those fac... uh, never mind, and can toss off a good bitchy line or three, and the sight of her Italian digs is one of the only funny moments in the film, she really doesn't seem to be that good an actress. Elizabeth Taylor's cameo is generally embarrassing (What was with that accent?), but even she has a good moment, dishing with Reynolds about the husband she stole from her. Is it a coincidence that Shirley Maclaine, who looks embalmed compared to her costars (Or at least doesn't mind not trying to age naturally-in preparation for her next life, perhaps) gives the only truly genuine performance in the film? The USA Today review mentioned that it's weird that, of the three stars of the cult hit movie musical "Boy Crazy," Reynolds is really the only one of these stars to have truly made a name for herself in the real-life golden age of movie musicals, and then usually in supporting roles, (Maclaine made a few movie musicals near the end of this golden age which are forgotten today,anyway, and Collins never made a movie musical and was never a "movie star" in any case, finding her greatest success on TV). This perhaps accounts for why we don't see that much singing and dancing, except in several quick glimpses of rehearsals, until the "grand finale," if it can be called that. And then there's the sight of Reynolds and Collins singing (Well, Reynolds singing and Collins attempting to sing) "Get Happy" in the gay dance club. It's cheap and debasing, and guaranteed to find its way into the Great Camp Movie Moments some day soon. I hope that was intentional. But all in all, these ladies go out there and give their all, or attempt to as long as they can, which is really all we can ask for in such a sorry showcase as this.Perhaps the most telling sequence in the film is the first run-through of the special that salutes "Boy Crazy," with the network brass and the sponsers watching. The ladies' dance steps are off, their dubbed-in singing goes out of sync, a load of fake snow gets dumped on them, and all the boys, real and cardboard, fly everywhere. But they keep going and attempting to do something with it, until they're finally exhausted and overwhelmed by all the snow getting in their eyes and throats. Maclaine even huffs out a "Yeah!" at the end before collapsing. That is exactly what this movie is about... eventually even these, uh, dames can't get past this mess of a script and finally resort to petty bitchiness because they have no other way out, it seems. But through it all they attempt, professionally, to make something out of this, (Maclaine most of all) and for that they must be commended.The last line of the film is Taylor's: "Get off your asses for these old broads!" Crude, natch, but the point is certainly taken. They deserve it.And oh, yeah, Liz really did steal Debbie's husband. "Freddie Hunter's real name was Eddie Fisher, the father (with Debbie) of Carrie Fisher, alias Princess Leia, who was partially responsible for this script. Carrie also wrote a fictionalized memoir, "Postcards From the Edge," (Please God it was better than this!) and in the film version of that, Maclaine played the character based on Reynolds. Collins was one of the actresses considered for the role of Cleopatra, Queen of the Nile, before Liz got that one and began her legendary love affair with Richard Burton... while she was still married to Eddie Fisher! ANd then Liz and Collins both played the same role, Pearl Slaghoople, in, respectively, "The Flintstones" movie and its sequel, "Viva Rock Vegas." See, it's a lot more fun to ponder the various connections these ladies have had to each other over the years than to wonder why, despite their valient attempts to make something of it, they decided to do this.