Lassiter (1984)

Thanks for the memories!

So much average

I like movies that are aware of what they are selling... without [any] greater aspirations than to make people laugh and that's it.

The film makes a home in your brain and the only cure is to see it again.

Convincing period settings highlight this uneven film inspired by some of the caper films of the 1930s focusing on a suave cat burglar in London blackmailed into service for the Allies. He is tasked with trying to break into the imposing German Embassy and stealing some gems in an attempt to foil a Nazi plot.A fun concept somehow goes astray and never realizes its full potential. Director Roger Young and company take an old-fashioned plot, dress it up in dandy clothes, add some dashes of modern sex, violence and nudity, but their final effort falls apart long before the conclusion and, at least in one case, it is not hard to see why.A plot this simple should move with fleet feet, but the pace instead moves in fits and starts. The bones of a great film are here, but they are never fleshed out enough and some convoluted plot additions do not help. The film drags on long past the point it should have concluded and contains at least one too many conclusions.The production looks great and sports a fine supporting cast. Bob Hoskins is on hand as a sputtering British bobby who does not like giving the elusive Lassiter a get-out-jail-free card for his efforts. Jane Seymour is as pretty as a porcelain doll as Lassiter's girl Friday. Lauren Hutton has a field day as the sexually voracious and deadly German courier whom Lassiter must romance in order to scope out the interior of the German Embassy. Unfortunately, after presenting Hutton as a truly deadly nemesis, the film completely bungles their final confrontation and fails to show us their love scene, which one would imagine would have been wild indeed.The film's biggest problem lies with its leading man. Obviously the character of Lassiter conjures up the likes of a George Sanders, David Niven or Cary Grant. In short, it requires someone charismatic, urbane, debonair yet able to pull off the physical action required. After having bored us to death two years previously with a similar period adventure in High Road to China, actor Tom Selleck now torpedoes another period piece. Where debonair is called upon, Selleck gives us dull. Where suspense and action are called for, Selleck gives us lifeless. He comes off as little more than a good-looking prop who can barely summon the energy to move from point A to point B on the set. I would say he is wooden, but I am afraid to libel a tree. He never seems much of a match for Hutton, proves a dismally lacking romantic foil for Seymour and comes off as little better than a stunt man in the action scenes. We have no rooting interest nor concern in what happens with this character and that is largely the fault of Selleck's lackluster performance. By the film's conclusion, quite literally the ONLY memorable thing that Selleck has contributed is in briefly baring his best asset while exiting Hutton's bed in the nude. This stellar contribution is offset moments later when a guard catches him lounging around in Hutton's frilly robe and a scene where the actor could have demonstrated a light comic touch is instead played as if a humorless mannequin inhabited the part.Rarely have I seen an actor whose low-wattage on screen personality so completely sabotages a film (Rob Lowe's ho-hum performance in Masquerade comes to mind, but that film was strong enough to overcome him), as what Selleck does here. Hollywood was and is teaming with a lot of good-looking leading men, so why filmmakers would choose to fill such a role as this with an actor of arguably no charisma or life is a real head-scratcher. In all honesty, in some scenes Lassiter could have been portrayed by a chair and the end result would offer no difference than what Selleck contributes here.

For me, the best part of this movie was Lauren as the assassin, as her character killed the G-man while she was having sex with him. I loved seeing that while he was dying, that she held him in his arms, showing the right combination of power, sexual excitement, strength, and even a touch of compassion.I seem to love this scene more than any other. No wonder I sort of have a soft, hot spot for Lauren, and this scene gave me a love for the black widow roles in the movies.Thank you, Lauren. You helped establish my first guilty pleasure, as the beautiful killer Kari Von Fursten. You were wonderful.You made your role as Kari Von Fursten, and this scene, very special, very deadly, and very sexy.

Not having seen this movie for over twenty years, and stumbling across a video of it recently I said "why not?" The stars of this movie provided outstanding acting. Joe Regalbuto as the FBI agent in London of 1939 was a bit wooden in the part. However, I try not to blame actors as they may have been directed to act the way they do. Also, the part called for a naive and inexperienced federal agent. The thing that occurred to me is why would the US Government send an inexperienced agent all the way to London for such an important job, and no senior partner to guide him? He wasn't a bad actor it was bad writing, he just didn't seem to be into the part. Other than that, the top actors and actresses did a fine job. Tom Sellick brought his usual suave good looks and easy manner to the part of the professional jewel thief. The local London police official (Bob Hoskins - later of Roger Rabbit and other fame) hated the thief. I don't think it was ever explained why he had such a virulent hatred. One thing is for sure though, he was very believable and made a name for himself. Lauren Hutton was the twisted Nazi female, so scary that I tipped my hat to Selleck during the movie for even getting close to her. But he had his job to do and never lost his confidence. Hutton played the part to the hilt. Her watch dog was played by Nazi Gestapo badman Warren Clarke and brother was he tough. Excellent job Mr. Clarke. Ed Lauter played Lassiter's friend the car thief and the man who taxied him around town. I've seen him many times and he is always a steady addition to any cast. In the top parts that brings us to Jane Seymour. She has played so many wonderful parts it is difficult to say which was best. But this much is true - she may very well be one of the most beautiful woman of our time. I mean truly beautiful. Sure, she had a nude scene in this movie and what a lovely bottom. However, I'm talking about her face with delicate features that slender down to the chin past sensual eyes, nose and lips. Not quite perfect, yet nearly so, and all coming together into a delicate oval shape. Nevertheless, she has handled demanding roles like Dr. Quinn, the first Battlestar Galactica movie and Somewhere In Time to mention just a few. In this movie, she was Selleck's lover and a local dancer. She took a part that might have been on the minor side for other actresses, and turned it into a vehicle that increased her value. Lassiter has so many neat things that might be missed like the period costumes, antique automobiles, motorcycle, dinning car in a train, casino interior, Nazi guns and guards, a high wire escape (probably by a stunt man), and kudos to the two boxers (Clive Curtis and George Lane Cooper) who gave a real knock-em-down performance. It is a movie made of the good stuff of old fashioned entertainment. It wasn't perfect but it had danger, love, sex, gambling, fist fights, gun play, boat explosion, diamonds, intrigue and treachery. Be sure to catch this one.

Selleck is slick as a jewel thief in London in this lavish action/mystery, but the film suffers from a predictable plot and weak supporting performances. Most obvious is that of sexy Lauren Hutton, who shines best when she doesn't speak.