Creepozoids (1987)

Very disappointing...

Pretty Good

Through painfully honest and emotional moments, the movie becomes irresistibly relatable

It's simply great fun, a winsome film and an occasionally over-the-top luxury fantasy that never flags.

It's the not so distant "future" (1998, to be exact) and Earth has been decimated by nuclear wars. What's left is a barren wasteland, not that we ever get to see it. A small team of Army deserters (three men, two women) come across a scientific installation where your standard issue strange experiments have been going on. In this case, they revolved around creating those amino acids that the human body can't create on its own. The result is a monster that makes mincemeat of these dumb chumps in record time.One can't help but laugh at micro budget drek such as "Creepozoids", which is good, because otherwise, we wouldn't really get much entertainment value out of it. Everything about it is primitive, including the makeup and creature effects. Co-writer / co-producer / director David DeCoteau pays as much tribute to "Alien" as he can, but the gaps between the two films are hilariously obvious at every turn. There's zero suspense, very little action, a redundant finale, the requisite sex and nudity (it *does* star Linnea Quigley, after all), a delicious and catchy cheese ball electronic score by Guy Moon, and amusing performances.Linnea is lovely and appealing, as she always is. Ken Abraham ("Hobgoblins"), Michael Aranda, Richard L. Hawkins ("Close Encounters of the Third Kind"), and extremely prolific adult film actress Ashlyn Gere co-star.The ending is particularly bad, but it adds to the appeal of this hunk of junk.Five out of 10.

Creepozoids (1987)** (out of 4) In the distant future (year 1998), a group of survivors find an abandoned building as they are trying to find safety. You see, the world was pretty much destroyed by monstrous creatures and this group just wants to live in peace but soon they realize that they're not alone. Director David DeCoteau has made over a hundred movies in his career but this one here stands out for several reasons. One is that it was his first film shot on 35mm and another reason is that it features Linnea Quigley in the shower. CREEPOZOIDS is often called one of the worst films of the decade but I think those comments are rather harsh when you consider this was shot in just 15-days with a $150,000 budget. The film isn't like most of its type as this here at least tries to do something big. I say that because usually these types of films just feature people walking around and getting killed one-by-one but off camera. People are constantly walking around here and getting killed but thankfully the film went the extra mile to come up with a monster and several gory scenes. The monster is obviously fake but this doesn't take away from the entertainment as he's constantly going after people. The end results includes all sorts of blood effects but also plenty of goo being thrown around. The death scenes aren't all that memorable but at least they're fun and just wait until you see the exploding eye. Even these effects aren't the greatest but they're at least fun and that's good enough. At just 68-minutes (without the end credits) the film really does feel like the type of "B" picture from the 1950s. The only difference is the gore and nudity. Fans of Quigley will enjoy her sequence in the shower and there's no question that she's quite charming here delivering some pretty bad lines. Most people aren't going to want to watch a low-budget film like this but if you enjoy campy "B" movies then there's plenty to enjoy here.

Five young people desert the military during the apocalypse of WWIII and seek shelter in an abandoned research facility. Unfortunately, it is inhabited by giant rats and a...um...Creepozoid, I guess. This movie has approximately three main sets: The bedroom (and the nearby shower for the obligatory Linnea nude scene) where the characters hide when they are scared, the lair of the Creepozoid, and the hallway joining the two. In fact, most of this movie takes place with the characters running in the hallway, between the other two sets. There isn't much else to say about this. Oh yeah, the cast is cute, especially the lead. Unfortunately, he can't act and I reckon he slept with DeCoteau to get the role. Good for both of them. Gets an extra point for having a mutant baby in it for no ostensible reason.

For what it is/what Creepazoids captures a time in cinema history. The time when robotic baby monsters, dry ice, apocalyptic times, needless gore and a few hot women created an 80's masterpiece. All be it, that when it ends, you are shocked. That the film only lasts 71 minutes. I enjoyed it. I am an 80's film fan, all types. But I especially like the ones like these, that make absolutely no point, there is no 'underlying meaning' to try to figure out. It's just what is it. IBottomline, if you're a fan of crap movies and consider them to be as entertaining as any Hollywood drama, then at least rent this movie. I just purchased it for $3 for my local video store. It's a keeper, simply for the fact that there are both monster babies and giants rats. period.