Modern Vampires (1998)

Sadly Over-hyped

Clever and entertaining enough to recommend even to members of the 1%

One of the worst ways to make a cult movie is to set out to make a cult movie.

.Like the great film, it's made with a great deal of visible affection both in front of and behind the camera.

Only in America can vampires expect to call for garbage pickup. No messy disposal problems here. As a vampire author, I'd far rather see vampire movies that feature something new, rather than rehashing the old myths - no matter how well it's done. (For a similar new take on vampires, though hardly as funny, be sure to see Dance of the Damned) Actually, though Modern Vampires seems to strive to be intentionally bad, this makes it very funny, very hip though certainly not for everyone.I loved it for the early humor (The scene with the bitchy salesperson in the dress shop was worth the rental price all by itself), and was sad to see the over the top end did not work quite as well as the first half.

MODERN VAMPIRES is an (obviously) independent (obviously) low budget "off-beat" little thing that features Casper Van Dien. His character is a vampire who smiles a lot and always seems to be thinking "dude! I'm a vampire!" All the vampires in the picture like to show their fangs a lot and have no conception of subtlety, even though they are supposed to be fashionable. Rod Steiger appears as Van Helsing in this version (who is somehow only about 60 years old at the end of the 20th century) and he has a huge grudge against Van Dien's character for making his son a vampire. A prostitute vampire figures prominently in the plot and our hero takes her under his wing to show her the ropes of vampire society and to save her from a vampire count who wants her dead. Any of this sound interesting to you yet? It isn't. I just watched it because I thought the Sci-Fi channel might be showing a real movie for a change. Wrong! This cheap, un-involving junk is on par with all the crap they show. The lighting and music are really bad points that go extra far to cheapen an already lame production. MODERN VAMPIRES even takes a few stabs at being funny, but these fail too. It's as if a made for TV film decided half-way through production to be hip and trendy like FROM DUSK TILL DAWN, but wasn't quite sure how to go about it. This is exactly what you'd expect it to be: wanna-be quirky, poorly acted, boring, predictable, and downright annoying when it tries to make you like it. I genuinely hope that this director never gets work again. Unless you're a sucker for seeing Rod Steiger making a fool of himself, stay far away from MODERN VAMPIRES.

This is one of the most unconventional movies I have ever seen. It is obvious these guys had tremendous fun making this flick and so will you, if you have a strong stomach. As an aside, the female cast is gorgeous and offer additional redemption.

Personally I think this movie is a riot.. =] I first saw it in San Francisco when it was being screened in an artsy movie house as "Revenant".It isn't remotely meant to be serious.. in fact it is the campiest movie I've seen in quite awhile! I would think that any fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000 would enjoy this style of cinema. It has more of a "B" movie vibe, more like "Eight legged freaks", "Hedwig and the Angry Inch", or "Pricilla Queen of the Desert". It has quite a few familiar faces too, and of course Casper's butt is always a welcome site.. ::smirk::