Idle Hands (1999)

Fantastic!

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

One of the film's great tricks is that, for a time, you think it will go down a rabbit hole of unrealistic glorification.

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

I remember when I first saw Jessica Alba in this she lit my fire like a deep, eternal, undying flame that's still burning strong to this day! I love Jessica Alba. I love her in Into the Blue. She's like a freaking entrepreneur. I want to see her in movies again so badly. I love her in Mechanic: Resu- Jessica Alba's like my favorite actress! Stop making the world a safer place with your baby and beauty products you crazy honey and start making movies again! You're sooooooo hot, Jessica. Especially in Idle Hands. My hands are not idle when Jessica makes out with Devon on the bed in the beginning or when the beautifully dark-skinned angel, Jessica, dances in her Halloween costume then gets it torn off while tied to the roof of the car and drops down to thank Devon at the end. Jessica is so super hot and this is a really hot, cool, terrifyingly funny stoner movie that's so hater proof. People who hate on it fall right into the writer's trap just like you fell into my Alba-laced oozefest trap. Muahhahahahhahaaaa! Ingenious villain! Seth Green and that guy from The Butterfly Effect are really good. I love Vivica A. Fox, she's a fox, just like Kelly Monaco!(Idle Hands' ending kind of sucks, just like the intro scene.)

IDLE HANDS is a late-'90s comedy horror flick that comes across as a cross between the self-knowing humour of SCREAM and the bodily dismemberment of EVIL DEAD 2. Unsurprisingly it's nowhere near as good as either of those movies, although those with a penchant for '90s horror might get a chuckle or two from this one.The worst thing about this, for me, was the main characters, who are a trio of the usual slacker/stoner types that I don't think much of. Devon Sawa, of FINAL DESTINATION fame, was never much of an actor and he struggles to bring any charisma to the part here, although Seth Green is always reliable. The idea of having the two buddies helping him out seems to have been borrowed from Peter Jackson's superior THE FRIGHTENERS.The whole 'possessed hand' thing has been done before, and better, most notably by Bruce Campbell, so there's not a whole lot of entertainment value there. Still, there are plenty of splattery and gory moments which are handled nicely, and it's always amusing to see actors in pre-stardom roles (step forward, Jessica Alba). The final denouement is a bit silly but overall IDLE HANDS is an acceptable film for what it is, just not one I found particularly funny.

Garbage movie, not fun to watch. Another movie where Jessica Alba is forced to be a sex symbol by quasi-rapist culture Hollywood, good job you wealthy rapists, way to force your bile down everyone's throats. Kind of movie that is written by mistake- like when the script was done the misguided author looked at it and said to himself," that can't be right." Billed as a dark comedy, but never delivers a single joke. Another Devon Sawa performance of a "slacker-hero" where he comes off as utterly undeserving of anything he has, hooray. It's a movie filled with a sinister hollowness that it passes on to the viewer, an unwelcome empty cold that has nothing to do with genius and more than likely everything to do with lines of cocaine.

If you're a Jessica Alba fan, Idle Hands is going to appeal to you much, much more than the average viewer. We're talking about a movie where a woman who's basically made a career from being incredibly hot, is at her absolute hottest. If you're anything like me, that sole reason is more than enough to make Idle Hands required viewing. But some of you probably care more about the quality of the movie, than how hot young Ms. Alba was. Weirdos. Idle Hands is extremely dumb, and that's completely intentional. It's probably the most light-hearted slasher/horror movie I've ever seen, and there's a mix of stoner comedy in here, as well. A slacker's hand gets possessed by an evil force, and most of the movie involves him trying to keep it from murdering people. His bumbling friends often get in the way, and the hand's obsession with killing the girl he's interested in also complicates matters. Obviously, this isn't Hamlet, but I think it struck a decent cord between dumb humor and campy, 90's horror. I found it strangely enjoyable, in a very B-movie kind of way. Give it a shot, if you ever get the opportunity. Just have a cool drink handy, so that you won't melt under the hotness of Jessica.