La Belle Noiseuse (1991)

Sadly Over-hyped

It's hard to see any effort in the film. There's no comedy to speak of, no real drama and, worst of all.

It's easily one of the freshest, sharpest and most enjoyable films of this year.

It's simply great fun, a winsome film and an occasionally over-the-top luxury fantasy that never flags.

This film is just unbearable to watch for 4 hours unless you are a pretentious, arty farty w....ker who thinks it is cool because it is about an artist. The only good thing about the film is the long scenes of the beautiful young naked woman. The wanky reviewers who rave about this just don't realise that subconsciously the only good thing about this film is the nudity.

The best films, for me, are not essentially different from a nice walk, a wonderful meal, interesting sounds, interesting light. And this is not to say that film is something one might call mundane, as in devoid of life. I'm merely saying that life is magical. I'm not surprised, then, that this film, so very effortlessly, speaks to me without trying to say too much. I can now say I've been a witness – I was there, I saw him, I saw her. I was both him and her. I was outside, too, looking in embarassedly, full of shame and anger for not knowing, not being part of it.I can't ask much more from a film, really. This is the first film I've ever seen by Rivette, and while I'm not in a rush to go to see more, "La belle noiseuse" (1991) is among the most rewarding and memorable film experiences of my life.The great motif is time. It's a presence on its own, the space and air in which we live, either strengthening us or eroding us, even evading us when we chase its tail. Some films insist the viewer feel the passing of the time with intense awareness. Béla Tarr works this way, "Sátantangó" (1994) and "A torinói ló" (2011) two examples. In those films time persists, it hangs over the viewer heavily like a pregnant cloud or thick mist. There part of the point is to react, then subside. This is how I feel about those films, the former which I've seen about a dozen times, the latter only once and would struggle to see again in its entirety. But here, time flies, or as the Latin saying quite aptly has it, time escapes. I was shocked at how engrossing every single moment is, a testament to Rivette's expertise to rivet us, to make us care. About what, exactly? The painting? Marianne? Edouard? The film? Ourselves as witnesses? Art? Ourselves as artists? Voyeurists? Does it have to be either/or?The ending is appropriate, and is, below the surface, a thunderous climax – what we see is not what we've witnessed, and, as accounted by the narrator, Marianne would after the experience merely assume a new mask. The dialogue between Edouard and Nicolas about the former's categorical impetus for truth contributes to the film as an appropriate summa.

A retired painter picks up his brush after meeting a woman that he wants as his model for an elusive masterpiece. This film is literally like watching paint dry, as the viewer is subjected to watching a number of portraits being drawn or painted from start to finish. It's interesting to watch the creative process the first couple of times, but becomes somewhat tiresome after a while. There isn't enough material to sustain the extensive length, but the filmmakers deserve credit though for keeping it mostly interesting despite the three-hour running time, although the ending is unsatisfying. There are good performances from Piccoli and Beart.

Now how more obvious can it be? This movie … 236 minutes … is classic Emperor's new clothes material. (Classic,because there actually are no clothes…)I can't believe people are cowards when they are afraid they might be exposed as idiots when they don't understand something that is actually pretentious horse manure.This movie should have been called Captain Crayon and Lieutenant U-Whora. Just for the fun of it they should have changed roles and she starts drawing his ancient, decrepit body for 3 hours 45 minutes of the 4 hours. Or miss an arm. Or turning out to be a hermaphrodite 2 hours into the movie. Just to annoy the voyeurs. THEN I would believe the "Arts" argument.This is no better than "Showgirls" or that "Striptease". Just something for people too ashamed to buy porn.Let's summarize the plot of this - an annoying stuttering, mumbling painter (played by Michel Piccoli, who has seen better days in his acting career) discovers through the help of a young naked lady that he DOES want to draw naked women after being turned off having to use his (obviously jealous) wife for too long. Duh! No: Double-Duh! Bottom Line of this Movie: "Don't paint your wife" (Spoiler alert) – it took them 4 HOURS for that …? Eeuww…what a gross piece of self importance.So this is a movie about "the artistic process"? Gee-whizz that it should include a naked woman. Michel Piccoli - I find him quite nauseating lately - the way he mumbles incomprehensibly when he's stuttering around. What a typical pseudo-artistic french Nincompoopeur, I'm sorry Mitch! Mitch Piccoli – I bet there's a French version of Baywatch about to break on the T.V. scene with him and his grey chest hair wobbling up the French Riviera somewhere. "Protecting French sun-bathers from U.S. literature with paperback French existentialist essential reading. "As for Beart's new look – wasn't she even in some commercial? … just a minute … yes, it was an H&M advert where she runs around lingerie-clad in an apartment seducing an invisible stalker. Great message … On the often heard argument on sexiness: "why can't she dress and be sexy if she wants to?" Because you can't have everything. It just doesn't work: A small fraction of women come across sexy AND smart because backing up the "smart part" is oh so difficult. And "sexy" is associated with "slut" – that's how it is, and there is a reason for that. Once again: "denial". (#1 illness of today).In fact: A French woman with silicone implants – how decadent is that. Or did she only get her implants after she found a French translation for "Silicone Implants"? I'd bet my Bentley, Ocean Dreamhouse and Silicone Shaped Dream-Wife on that fact.Now if the French women also start shaving their armpits (which Americans will never believe) we might be getting somewhere. (Eternal Damnation and such)Once again: I'm speechless about the chuzpe/irony of a French actress being shallow like a Hollywood bimbo by inflating her body parts and STILL expecting to have some artistic French quality about her… Unfortunately it takes some actresses DECADES to bed enough important people to get any decent roles and then they need surgery. Life is so unfair, you know.This movie is a good example for the French's predilection for pouting Lolitas. Pervs…One reviewer here professed that he fell asleep. Another said her body wasn't perfect – maybe she read it and got her appointment at the surgeon immediately. Someone said the movie is a "foot-wiggler" – right, either because of boredom or the suppressed sexual thoughts when seeing a woman wriggle around naked – which is absolutely cool & probably the only true quality of this sorry effort.