Jurassic Shark (2012)

Excellent but underrated film

A Masterpiece!

A great movie, one of the best of this year. There was a bit of confusion at one point in the plot, but nothing serious.

Through painfully honest and emotional moments, the movie becomes irresistibly relatable

Sometimes it's unfortunate that IMDb won't allow a reviewer to give a score lower than 1, as a few films are so utterly crappy that a 1 seems way too generous...such is my feeling towards "Attack of the Jurassic Shark". This film appears inept in just about every way, with amateurish and often annoying acting, incompetent direction, some of the worst CGI I've ever seen (a small plastic shark being moved about by hand wouldn't have been much worse) and a script that is just plain stupid. The film is set on a small island owned by a company. It's restricted so, of course, lots of young people keep appearing there! First, there are the two hot idiots at the beginning of the film, then a group of idiots led by an artistic and really angry dominatrix who is up to something and then a group of really young and stupid folks led by a girl who wants to do an exposé and impress her teacher (how cute!). Each is simply shark-fodder and although they are now SAFELY ON THE ISLAND, they still manage to get eaten! And much of the time they argue...much like you'd expect 13 year-olds to argue. In fact, they argue and whine and spout so much insipid dialog that the audience is praying they get eaten...and fast!The bottom line is that this shark movie is so bad, so stupid and so inept that I could only see someone watching this film with some friends so they can laugh at the awfulness of the production. There is nothing positive I can say about this very stupid film.

Since full movies are long complicated things and the Sun is expected to incinerate the Earth within the next few billion years with a solar flare, I don't have time to describe the unimaginably vast awfulness of this pustule on the metaphorical being that is the film industry, and so you will have to imagine for me that all films are desserts, since these are much simpler.The Jurassic Shark cake is the kind of monstrosity you will chance upon once in your life while attending a do hosted by a distant relative with distinctly bad breath. Where one bite of this disgrace is enough to bring a tear of pure disgust that you share blood with this super villain, the great "Uncle Badbreath" whose superpowers consist of both hosting the most boring parties and inhuman knowledge of which ingredients taste the worst together. The kind of cake that is so bad you immediately spit it out, note it looks no different, then powerfully defecate towards this "Uncle Badbreath" partly to eject any stray detritus and partly as a fecal demonstration of your hatred to the result of his powers.Would recommend.

Spoiler Alert!!! OK Now I know this is a low budget film and I shouldn't expect anything other than a horrible movie. OK I was significantly pleased at the way the shark looked I mean at least it looked like a shark unlike Two-headed Shark Attack and many other films. The script like always is just a mediocre shark film that's trying to be like Jaws. The acting is obviously going to be atrocious because hey it's a low budget film you can't expect much for acting. Overall this film does have a cool looking CGI shark, at least I think so. The shark is way better looking in this film than any other Shark I've seen of CGI. Overall this movie sucks but I did like how realistic the shark looked and the script is o trying to be an obvious Jaws rip off. I give it a 3 out of 10 because it's not the worst Shark film I've ever seen, the worst I've seen was Sharktopus, Two-Headed Shark Attack, and Snow Shark.

So...seriously, where do I start? The dreadful acting, poor camera angles, bad lighting, lengthened scenes. Nothing in this film deserves any praise, because I cannot recall a suspenseful moment, and that is extremely bad for a film which somehow lasts 90 minutes. For starters, the two blonde bimbos at the beginning, go into the water, but just splash around pointlessly like two kids in a public swimming pool. Then the director Brett Kelly wants us to believe that the two blondes, who are extremely close to the shore, get eaten by sharks. A shark would never swim that close to the shore line (common sense needed!) The rest of the film was painfully similar, and even with a low budget, it could have been a lot better. One point of redemption is that the film is vaguely laughable in parts, but again this is not because of humorous lines but because of bad acting, so the funny parts were unintentional. The music was also a little predictable, but at least it was generally in time with occurrences in the film. Despite knowing it had a poor rating, I was still shocked by how bad it was. I'd advise you not to watch it, for your own sanity.