River of Darkness (2011)

Surprisingly incoherent and boring

People are voting emotionally.

best movie i've ever seen.

I enjoyed watching this film and would recommend other to give it a try , (as I am) but this movie, although enjoyable to watch due to the better than average acting fails to add anything new to its storyline that is all too familiar to these types of movies.

WOW!!!! This is one word I can use as being tremendously awful. Where does someone begin with a film like this. Storyline was absolutely uneventful, characters were nothing short of uncompelling, cinematography was lacking throughout and the editing was sub-par at best.Why do wrestlers insist on going into acting, Kurt Angles performance was sour and collectively did not fit the character.The combination of slasher/paranormal/undead pairing was an utter "bomb".Terrible, clueless, dreadful are words to describe the acting throughout the film. In fact this is pure garbage and in this film collector's eyes should have never been made. The audience as well as actors and people who worked on this film should all be given refunds for how terrible it is. It is 1hr 30 minutes of your life you'd like a refund on.

I had low expectations going into watching this film as I saw it only to see how the professional wrestlers (Kurt Angle, Kevin Nash, Sid Vicious) did on the screen. I hoped for at least mildly entertaining in that bad horror movie way since the slasher/horror genre is just about the hardest to make truly bad. I was soon proved wrong as this is one of the worst movies I have EVER seen.Sure enough, all three wrestlers were bad. Kurt Angle seemed to wear the same facial expression throughout the movie. Either he or the director thought it was some sort of deep thought look but I found it to be more of a "why am I here? what am I doing?" look. Nash and Vicious were even worse as they played zombie killers who basically had to emulate Jason and failed miserably. They looked more like animatronic monsters from a failed Disney ride than professional wrestlers who have plenty of experience with fake violence.To be honest though, I can't blame the wrestlers for their bad acting as everyone else in the move was equally bad. Given the overall crappiness of the movie, I have to place most of the blame on writer/director Bruce Koehler. The plot is the typical slasher/horror plot of three people wrongfully killed by a lynch mob who come back 30 years later as zombies to get their revenge. Not the most original story but one that has worked for others into at least a semi- entertaining movie. Sadly, Bruce's script has the worst dialogue, horrible pacing, and too many plot problems. Seriously, if that is how he thinks police investigate a serial killer then thank God he isn't involved in law enforcement or no criminal would ever get caught. Dear Bruce, please watch a few episodes of CSI and Law & Order next time you want to write about cops.Bruce can add horrible directing to his horrible writing credit as it appears he was happy with the first take on every scene. The movie also featured some of the worst production values I've ever scene in all their high def glory. The whole movie looked like it was shot under far too bright fluorescent lights. The slasher kill scenes were unimaginative and featured some of the worst, most obviously fake blood ever scene in a slasher flick. I suspect that much of the 3 million plus reported budget went to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain of the cast and crew because it sure didn't go into the special effects or stunts.Bottom line: if you are a wrestling fan wanting to see your heroes in a movie, skip this one and go re-watch a Steve Austin, John Cena, or Rock film; they aren't great but at least they aren't awful either. If you aren't a wrestling fan you should just run away at the mere mention of the movie.

The worst acting i have ever seen in a film finally forced me to turn off after just 10 minutes!!! I don''t think this film was cast at all, more a case of first to show up got a part. The dialogues is so contrived, almost as if they are reading from the back of their hands and an attempt at an Irish accent by the priest was so bad it was hilarious.Don't bother, if you are a serious horror fan you will be more than disappointed to say the least.The crew & actors should be ashamed at just how bad they have made this film and have probably set a new standard in 'BAD', well done

I love bad movies as a rule. Hey i have Plan B from Outer Space. Compared to that film which is very funny, River of Darkness should not be mentioned in the same sentence. There is not one member of the cast that can act. Kurt Angle should stick to wrestling. The story lines on TWA are way above the level of this drivel. Was Angle reading his lines of an \idiot board ? There seems to be no one in every time he speaks. The other wrestlers including Kevin Nash have no lines at all and still look like idiots as zombies in crap makeup. At one point a girl is pulled out of a boat. There are two others in this boat, a girl and a guy. The guy just sits there as if nothing has happened. There is no climax to this film. It suddenly just stops.This movie should with out doubt be in the all time worst movies ever made. Do not waste your money on this. Mike Lang. UK Brighton Sussex. 31/4/11.