Saltwater (2012)

A film with more than the usual spoiler issues. Talking about it in any detail feels akin to handing you a gift-wrapped present and saying, "I hope you like it -- It's a thriller about a diabolical secret experiment."

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

This is a small, humorous movie in some ways, but it has a huge heart. What a nice experience.

True to its essence, the characters remain on the same line and manage to entertain the viewer, each highlighting their own distinctive qualities or touches.

As has already been said, this is one movie that just should not be watched...for any reason (including and ESPECIALLY those who had the bad decision-making skills to participate in it). There is just nothing remotely original or redeeming about this movie at all. The dialogue is beyond cliché' and contrived, the entire premise is is as bland as a fossilized ritz cracker found behind a sofa, and in the digital age, one should at be able to count on a filmography at least as good as a video uploaded by housewife on youtube (no such luck here). From the very beginning, none of the characters come off as remotely believable or likable, so there is just no reason to be vested in this train-wreck. Yes, bury all copies of this deep at sea under fathoms and fathoms of saltwater to save humanity the trouble.

This may be the worst gay-themed movie of that year and of the century. Acting is really bad, like amateur-teenage-high school-production bad. There is no spark between the main couple and one of the actors can express nothing with his face, you would not know if he is happy, sad or angry if you did not have audio on. I can't believe he is still getting acting jobs. The rest of them are not far behind though. Story is so predictable, simple and of such a low quality that it hurts. The characters are shallow and badly created. You can't see anything apart from some random people that try to create a dramatic story and ends up being embarrassing. The script... for God's sake, so unnatural, unrealistic and bad delivered!

I'm pretty sure the whole movie could have been cut down to 30 minutes, maybe less. At the risk of spoiling the movie, not even saltwater can fix this movie. I'd recommend taking a stimulant before you watch this because otherwise you'll find yourself asleep in no time. I had hope for the movie because it started off with a playful dialog and almost genuine attraction between the two main characters. But that quickly spiraled into the same basic scene over and over again. It was like watching Groundhog Day, but with worse acting. I've never seen any of the actors in this movie, and now I know why. And the tall almost "giant-looking" Australian? No, no, and no. Either there's something wrong with him or he was smirking throughout the entire movie. Not a good look in a movie that deals with a very real and tragic thing like suicide.

'Saltwater' is a film about two guys who just can't seem to get their stars aligned and be together, until something grave occurs which makes all of their hemming and hawing trivial. The problem with the movie is the two characters don't really get together(SPOILER!)until the last two minutes of the movie. Until then, we, the audience, are subjected to endless encounters with misunderstandings, hesitations, wrong-headed judgments and bad decisions. Although the movie has a bevy of characters screaming for development, they all seemed wrapped up in whether the two protagonists will ever get together. I applaud the makers of this film for choosing actors who are well into their thirties and beyond, and for making supporting characters who are believable and likable. The '6' comes from stringing the audience along for as long as possible for the flimsiest of pay-offs. And realistically, I don't know if two guys would hesitate at trying to date for almost a year. It stretches belief a little to far.