Ring of Darkness (2004)

Why so much hype?

Very disappointing...

The performances transcend the film's tropes, grounding it in characters that feel more complete than this subgenre often produces.

There are moments in this movie where the great movie it could've been peek out... They're fleeting, here, but they're worth savoring, and they happen often enough to make it worth your while.

When a boy band's lead singer (Greg Cipes) mysteriously disappears the media says that he ran away because he could not handle the fame...If you know David DeCouteau, you know that he loves featuring young men in his movies. Preferably young men with sculpted bodies who like to take off their shirts. You might often find homoerotic undertones, as well. If you know this and know that this move was made by DeCouteau, you will not be the least bit surprised by the endless stream of young male flesh parading on your screen.The boy band song (Christian Ebner's "Sexin' Me") was played a bit too long for my liking. Okay, maybe not a bit too long -- a lot too long. If I go the rest of my life without ever hearing that song again, I would be perfectly okay with that. Did every audition have to have that same song, with the guys obviously lip-syncing? Geez! I am curious if the film was financed by Von Dutch, as their hats and shirts are everywhere. Of course, this could just be the director's way of letting us know these guys are tools...

For all the talk about Brokeback Mountain being so "daring" due to it's homosexual content, this movie definitely kicks its ass as far as being flamingly homosexual. Even the heterosexual people are gay. Even the "scary" zombie scenes have the same boy band music playing, and they pose while killing people. Calling it a "zombie" movie is like calling "Pay It Forward" a knife-fighting movie. This essentially is just a lot of very defined cheekbones from different angles. Zombie cheekbones. This is the movie they make old music teachers watch in HELL. Key scenes to look for are the "bad contestant getting eaten," which is a guy getting hugged to death in a parking lot, and "guy following band through the fog," which is a guy following the band through some fog. Lots of fog. Like the budget for stuff like, writers and everything required to make it a real movie was spent on fog. LOTS of fog. And cheekbones. This movie sucks more than Haley Joel Osment does at knife-fighting.

Ring Of Darkness is about a boy band with a supernatural secret. Apparently, they like to kill and eat their victim's blood. Are they vampires or what? I do not know because the movie never fully explains what they are. I do know that this movie was sub-par in every way to other movies in it's genre.The band's lead singer finds out their secret, or suddenly has a problem with it- again, not explained. I only know he is going to reveal the secret to the world. The band can't have that and they kill him. They tell the press the pressure got to him and he is now in the hospital. In the meantime, they need a new lead singer so they have tryouts."It's all about the voice", says one of the band members, but then each of the contestants lip syncs the entire song. Pretty laughable. Once they get their final 3 contestants, it's off to a secluded mansion where they can make their final pick. The only problem is, they're slowly disappearing.This movie was pretty bad, even by "B" Movie horror standards. Whoever was in charge of special effects should be banned from the industry forever. There was more horror in the acting than in the actual movie. Particularly by Ryan Starr. She is definitely not gifted in this department. There was a cool little twist at the end, which is what bumped it up to 2 stars for me but other than that, there is little more to this movie. 85 minutes of wasted time. Coltin Scott was probably the best actor in the movie, but seriously, that is not saying much. My recommendation is avoid. If you want some good "B" Movie horror, try Monster Man.

Ring of Darkness begins with a young man sneaking through a large home at night. He escapes through a window and we see him run down to a rocky beach. Four other young men confront him and we realize that he knows them. He's the singer of their band. He threatens to expose them but they won't allow it. They attack him instead. They seem to be biting him. Soon after, we learn that they're "Take 10", a boy band in the vein of *NSync and Backstreet Boys. They search for a new lead singer through an "American Idol" (2002)-styled audition process. When three candidates are chosen, they're taken to the home we saw in the beginning of the film for the final leg of their audition. Just what was the band's secret, and will the new candidates accept it? This is the first 5 out of 10 I've seen in a while, which is a shame, because 5 out of 10 is my rating for "So bad it's good". On most technical and artistic levels, Ring of Darkness is a disaster. But it's enough of a disaster that it's a lot of fun to watch, for all the "wrong" reasons. I laughed more hysterically during some scenes than I do for all but the rarest comedies.Near the beginning of the film, director David DeCoteau "treats" us to a complete music video of our faux boy band. The music couldn't be cheesier. To amp up the torture, we have to hear this same song over and over for at least the first half hour of the film. Later on the same footage is constantly intercut into other scenes. It is also used with different music (which is better), edited in a way that is supposed to suggest additional Take 10 videos. Padding is a big theme throughout the film. The music video isn't the only footage reused.There are also chase scenes that go on for what seem to be hours, until there's not one shred of suspense left. DeCoteau and editor Danny Draven, two Full Moon alumni (which might be bad news in itself to many, but I actually like quite a few Full Moon films; at least they're far better than Ring of Darkness), cut the chase scenes with "fancy" changes in the film speed. The final result just looks ridiculous and feels like more padding.The funniest aspect for me was the acting, and the worst offender was Ryan Starr (as Stacy), who comes to the film world by way of her stint as a contestant on "American Idol". Starr has a chronic case of marble mouth. On top of it, she says her lines far too quickly and she emotes as well as a brick wall. Why would DeCoteau just let such a shoddy performance pass? Maybe he didn't, but he couldn't get any improvement. That may be why Starr, whose picture is prominently in the center of the poster and video box art, is strangely absent for long periods of time. Not that most of the other actors are any better. Even a veteran like Adrienne Barbeau comes across poorly in the film. Surprisingly, there was one good performance--Coltin Scott (aka Stephen Scott Martines), as boy band candidate Shawn, was quite entertaining. He should get himself to a better film. Quick.For a film that's ostensibly a horror flick, there is very little horror here. The "attack scenes", as few and far between as they are, are all shown with wide shots. They are completely bloodless. For scenes in Take 10's "secret lair", victims are bound and "slashed", except it's the worst knife wound effect I've ever seen. It couldn't be clearer that there is just some oddly colored fluid coming out of the knife, with absolutely no perforation of flesh. The make-up, which is important later in the film to establish the true nature of Take 10, looks worse than what an eight your old could do with your typical dime store Halloween kit.It's difficult to know exactly whom the film is supposed to appeal to. My guess is that young teenaged girls and gay men would like it the most, as DeCoteau, who is an openly gay director and is well known for his homoerotic genre films, fills Ring of Darkness with men in various states of undress, posing for the cameras. As another reviewer noted, there are strong subtexts based on the inherent gayness of boy bands. The threatened exposure in the beginning can be seen as a threatened "outing" of sexual orientation. Take 10's bonding rituals have strong homoerotic overtones, as does the bondage and fluid ingestion that takes place in their secret lair. The name of the film can be seen as a double entendre (although it's just as likely to be intended to cash in on the success of the Ring films as well as the Spanish horror film from 2002 known as Darkness), similar to Andy Dick's song "Little Brown Ring", or indeed even "Backstreet Boys". This might all be very interesting if only the film weren't such an artistic toxic waste dump.But again for its unintentional properties, Ring of Darkness is extremely funny. I actually had to pause the film a number of times because I was laughing so hard. I had tears streaming from my eyes. After a while, whenever Starr would appear, I would lose it.I feel bad having to "bash" this film. From what I know about DeCoteau, he sounds like a great guy who goes out of his way to give breaks to aspiring filmmakers. I'm also a Fangoria fanatic. Scriptwriter Michael Gingold has long been Managing Editor of Fangoria. But I also have to give my honest opinion as a critic--this film sucks. It's only worth seeing for free, and only if you are the type to create your own "Mystery Science Theater 3000" (1988)-styled commentary.