Eskimo Nell (1975)

Very disappointing...

Thanks for the memories!

Load of rubbish!!

Great movie! If you want to be entertained and have a few good laughs, see this movie. The music is also very good,

ESKIMO NELL is a one-of-a-kind British sex comedy farce looking at the workings of the film industry. It's certainly a rather jumbled production, full of hit and miss humour, in which a group of idealistic young men strive to make a film and come across various unscrupulous characters along the way.There's a wealth of talent involved in this one both in front of and behind the cameras which alone makes it a worthwhile watch. The movie was directed by a youthful Martin Campbell, cutting his teeth decades before he'd direct the likes of big Hollywood blockbusters like CASINO ROYALE. Exploitation king Stanley Long came up with the story, while one-time infant terrible of British cinema Michael Armstrong (MARK OF THE DEVIL) wrote and stars.There are many familiar faces in supporting roles, including a turn for later TV favourite Christopher Timothy playing a shy young virgin writer. Christopher Biggins is here alongside Katy Manning (DR WHO), Anna Quayle, Stephanie Cole, Derek Martin, Mary Millington (in a one-scene striptease) and the delightful Rosalind Knight (CARRY ON NURSE). One of the best of the lot is Roy Kinnear, lapping up his turn as a sleazy producer. The humour is rather broad and lowbrow, and as a sex comedy this doesn't really work despite lots of nudity, but as a send-up of the film industry in general it's quite fun and certainly more inventive than your usual CONFESSIONS sequel or rip-off.

This is a very rare creature indeed--a British sex comedy that is actually funny! This movie, probably inspired by Mel Brook's original version of "The Producers" is about three young men--an aspiring director (played by "Mark of the Devil" director Michael Armstrong), his virginal penguin-obsessed screenwriter, and the screenwriter's lothario flat-mate--who are all trying to break into the British film industry. They meet a sleazy producer (Roy Kinnear) who wants to make a film version of the famous bawdy poem "Eskimo Nell". To raise the money though he gets them to sell three very different versions of the movie to three different backers: a foul-mouthed American ("Big Dick")who wants to make a hardcore porn movie, another guy who wants to make a "kung-fu musical" to showcase the two "talents" of his girlfriend, and an arty dilettante who wants to make a gay Western ("with a lot of bottom smacking") featuring his transvestite boyfriend. It gets worse when the producer runs off with the money, and the director has to find a fourth backer (simply to avoid the lawsuits), and goes to his society girlfriend's mother (no doubt modeled on puritanical British busybody Mary Whitehead)who runs a "decency" society and wants to make a clean family film! Needless to say, the whole thing goes horribly, horribly awry. Reels from the different versions get mixed up, a guy's willie gets caught in a clapboard, and one character delivers the immortal line: "What's my motivation for having an erection?" The movie is quite funny both in its conception and in its execution. It doesn't slather on the naked dolly birds quite as much as a lot of other British sex comedies of the era perhaps, but an almost unrecognizable Mary Millington does show for a 10-second "Benny Hill"-style speeded-up striptease.As far as the sex goes, this probably won't inspire all the hairy-palmed Michaelangelos out there to turn their ceilings into a scummy Sistine Chapel, but it is definitely FUNNY and pretty entertaining, which is a lot more than can be said of the vast majority of these films.

Eskimo Nell has a rather bemusing reputation as the One Good Film in the plethora of bad British sexploitation comedies that were splattered onto UK cinema screens during the 1970s. Disappointingly, Nell isn't much better than the awful Confessions and even worse Adventures films, and the lurking shade of the hopeless Adventures producer Stanley A Long looms over this film, providing his usual trademark missed comic opportunities, poorly handled slapstick and crass humour which ultimately infect the piece.Michael Armstrong, who wrote and directed that masterpiece of 60s exploitation cinema Mark of the Devil, writes and stars here as a film school graduate (apparently based on Michael Winner) who finds himself rejected by the big American studios and forced to work with the sharks and sleazeballs of the British independent scene. He meets con-merchant producer Benny U. Murdoch (an unfunny Roy Kinnear) who persuades him to come in on a scheme to produce a screen version of the famous bawdy ballad Eskimo Nell. The fly in the ointment is that Murdoch has three backers, all of who wish to see their own lovers and penchants on screen in the final product.The twists and turns of the plot are okay, but what comes off the screen is mostly a series of missed opportunities. Too often, the script thinks that simply having someone say "I want to see big tits!" is the epitome of witty satire. The critique is never sophisticated nor incisive. One plus point is that although the portrait of the gay film producer Vernon Peabody and his drag queen toyboy Johnny is stereotypical, it is good to see at least one British 70s sex-pic which acknowledges that not every man in the world is heterosexual.Johnny and the cowboy drag film-within-a-film as well as Christopher Biggins done up in a romper suit for a family version raise the most laughs. There's a clunking car chase near the end (director Martin Campbell has a long way to go to Casino Royale) and some amusement is provided by having the hardcore version shown to the Queen at the royal command performance. But even this isn't exploited as much as it might be - a shot of the Queen staring at (or even getting off on) the on-screen sex would have been genuinely subversive.Ultimately, the film doesn't satirise what is the most glaring assumption in the British film industry, then as now: why chinless public school wonders like Armstrong's character and his mates think it's their god-given right to be filmmakers in the first place; if you are going to satirise the British film industry, begin with class.

Although touted as an "X" rated British sex comedy from the early 1970's this film is really a satire of adult film making. Obviously, given the subject matter, there is nudity but it is tame by contemporary standards. The presence of many mainstream British comedy actors correctly implies that this is largely a comedy.A trio of would be film makers try to launch a production. Would be director Dennis Morrison (Michael Armstrong, who also wrote the film), would be producer Clive Potter (Terence Edmond) and would be screenwriter Harris Tweedle (Christoper Timothy) team up with low rent producer Benny U. Murdoch (Roy Kinnear). Murdoch hopes to make the movie, based on the naughty poem Eskimo Nell, with his favorite star Gladys Armitage (Diane Langton), she of the really big breasts, but first must raise the money. He has three interested parties who are each willing to put up a third of the money. Big Dick (Gordon Tanner) is a loud American producer who wants a "hard core" version, featuring a laundry list of perversions, and starring his "friend" Billie Harris (Beth Porter). Financier Ambrose Cream (Richard Caldicot) wants a kung fu musical version starring his "friend" Millicent Bindle (Prudence Drage). Similarly financier Vernon Peabody (Jeremy Hawke) wants a gay western version starring his "friend" Johnny (Raynor Burton). Its up to the trio, principally writer Tweedle, to come up with the three scripts required to raise the money. Unfortunately Benny U. Murdoch is not to be trusted with money. The trio, already on the hook to deliver three films, have to get money for a fourth version from Lady Longhorn (Rosalind Knight). She, the leader of a moral reform group, wants to produce a morally uplifting family film starring her children Hermione (Katy Manning) and Jeremy (Christopher Biggins). We then proceed to make four completely different versions on one budget! Lady Longhorn, proud of her version, arranges a Royal Performance. Obviously, with four distinctly different versions, one can foresee the misunderstandings arising from getting the correct print to the premiere.Roy Kinnear is somewhat "over the top" in the best sense of the phrase. Michael Armstrong comes off best in his scenes showing the actual filming of the versions. In the early scenes Christopher Timothy presented as a virgin (in the sexual sense) "bird" lover (in the penquin sense) but there is no payoff. Gordon Tanner is constantly aggravated by his mindless "friend" Beth Porter. Rosalind Knight is fine, albeit in a typecast role, but her son Christopher Biggins is memorable. The balance of the performers are generally adequate.The enjoyment of this film is likely to depend, in part, on your film knowledge. Anyone who has responded to the advertisements of the film's "X" rating will be disappointed by the tame topless displays. On the other hand anyone who is up on the "urban legends" of movie business will recognize many elements. The seedy producer (Benny U. Murdoch is a B.U.M.) trying to raise money from multiple backers (i.e. Mel Brook's The Producers). The writing of multiple versions of the scripts to turn one story into four films. The numerous "friends" of the potential backers. The performances (i.e. Beth Porter stealing her character from Jean Hagen in Singin' In The Rain) and take offs on actual characters (Gordon Tanner is a great Darryl Zanuck/Jack Warner, "Will you shut up and let me yell in peace!"). They even satirize the conventions of the "caper" movie in trying to get the right version of Eskimo Nell for the Royal Performance.I probably rated the movie higher than the average man on the street because I recognized and appreciated elements such as these. I believe that the film is an acceptable "time waster" for any viewer but will be more fully appreciated by film buffs.