Nukie (1987)

One of my all time favorites.

Excellent but underrated film

The story-telling is good with flashbacks.The film is both funny and heartbreaking. You smile in a scene and get a soulcrushing revelation in the next.

This is a gorgeous movie made by a gorgeous spirit.

There are bad movies that are fun because they are bad. This is not one of those movies. Nukie is Devoid of any charm or schlock worthy of viewing for a few cheap laughs. The plot is nonsensical...two aliens flying through space a balls of light crash on earth.....for some reason. One is help hostage by American scientist who I think are supposed to be evil and the other crashes in Africa...for some reason. The rest of the movie revolves around these two aliens trying to reunite. The hijinx that ensue are mind numbing, redundant, and devoid of anything entertaining. It is painful simply painful. The aliens look atrocious, like atrocious Nien Nunb (Star Wars Character...look it up) costume prototypes. Appalling in every aspect this film should only be viewed by a true sadist.

If, by grace of God, you were epileptic, Nukie might just trigger a seizure. This would hopefully prevent you from watching the rest of this film. There are certainly enough idiotic lens-flare light effects and crap. I saw "Nukie" as a child; my father had rented it and has since been convicted by the Hague.From here on out, I'm not sure I can string together intelligible sentences to describe this film. It consists primarily of a disgusting little alien rushing around the desert, while his brother shrieks NUUUUUKEEEEEE approximately fourteen thousand times. Some kid gets bitten by a snake (cue stock "snake" footage). Nothing makes sense in this film. The snakebite at least limits the number of characters. These people spend their days rushing around shouting things like, "He's an alien made of PURE ENERGY!" Said alien just happens to look a bit like Grandpa, if you turned him inside-out. I can't stop crying. Even if you love campy movies, this one will break you.

Without a doubt, bar none, unequivocally the worst film ever conceived by Man. Watching this film is an exercise in pure masochism. "Nukie" doesn't even have the "so bad it's good" charm of other horrible wastes of celluloid such as "Troll 2" or "Hobgoblins." The title character actually looks like a cross between a retarded bushbaby, a rotten potato, and a burlap sack full of horse manure. It's obvious that the creators of this film were envisioning an ET-like so-ugly-he's-cute character, with delusions of multi-million dollar licensing deals, lunchboxes and action figure lines. What they ended up with was a hideous monkey-faced monstrosity straight out of your worst Lovecraftian nightmare. This film is a horrible blight on the history of Mankind. It is pure torture and should not be viewed at any time by any human being whatsoever. I've made it my life's work to track down the unholy Sias Odendal, director of this film, and beat him senseless for his crimes against humanity. I blame "Nukie" for destroying my life and utterly shattering any hope that I may have had for the future of our civilization. Early on in the film, one of the "Space Foundation" scientists utters the line "This actually should not exist!" That is precisely how I feel about this film. I hate God for allowing this film to be made.In the immortal words of Tom Servo, "I'd slap this movie if I could."

Nukie is widely regarded as the worst/most painful movie ever made. No one who has seen it denies this assertion. It tops even the infamous Manos: the Hands of Fate. As a result, it has a bit of a cult following, the way Kali, the Hindu goddess of death has a bit of a cult following.The astounding thing about Nukie is its ability to cram so much stupidity into so little time. You find yourself watching a scene, realizing that every line and every action is utterly without merit, wishing the scene would just END--then it does, and a new scene begins, equally stupid, and you realize that the last scene's eternity was really only about 30 seconds long, and this movie is about 90 minutes. That's when you look for pointy objects to thrust violently into sensitive body parts as a distraction.The other thing about Nukie, the one that leaves me in awe, is its ability to top itself in brain-killing idiocy. The movie crushes Barney's foolishness 30 seconds in, stomps Teletubbies in minutes, and after that, it's home free in the race for cerebral vacuum creation. Despite this, every 15 minutes--or less--a scene comes along which makes your jaw drop as it rockets the movie to a new depth of idiocy. Just when you think the movie has reached its nadir, a character begins dancing, or one of the aliens demonstrates a new power, or the computer learns a new lesson about feelings, and your brain tries to escape the pain by squeezing out of your skull through the pores in the bone.It's a truly unique experience.