Tales That Witness Madness (1973)

That was an excellent one.

Memorable, crazy movie

just watch it!

The acting in this movie is really good.

You would be forgiven for thinking this is another anthology movie from Amicus. Unfortunately they never quite descended to this level of entertaining mind-boggling idiocy in their scripts. This is a fun, watchable, utterly silly movie, with far-fetched plots that have to be seen to be er, witnessed. A really good cast must have been monumentally embarrassed (and short of a few quid) to appear in this.Our linking narrative concerns Donald Pleasence demonstrating some sort of cure he has found for mental illness to Jack Hawkins. Shades of the Amicus movie Asylum. We have four cases presented for our delectation.Mr. Tiger. Donald Huston and Georgia Brown have a son who has a fantasy pet tiger. The lad is bothering his parents with stealing meat from the fridge to feed his imaginary pet. Huston, who does nothing but shout a lot when he comes home from work, finally is nagged into confronting his son over it, and his parents discover the tiger is real. Yeah, right...Our second story concerns an antique dealer dealing with his late aunt's furniture, and discovering an old picture of his uncle and a penny farthing cycle have the power to compel him into the past to relive his uncle getting, er struck by lightning. Director Freddie Francis stages some sort of miracle in making these first two stories utterly watchable.AND NOW. HERE IT COMES. OUR THIRD CLASSIC. Joan Collins in a career low (and that's saying something if you've seen I Don't Want To Be Born) as a sexpot wife getting cuckolded by... a tree! This episode is hilarious as Joanie gets into a battle of wits with said tree, which resembles a female form...very slightly. No real excuse for her hubby to do her in and replace Joan with the tree in his bed! I'm not kidding. He really does! I think this episode deserves some sort of award for utterly demented script-writing.Fourth one concerns a cleverly planned human sacrifice during a Hawaiian-themed party set up by Kim Novak for a writer. Nope I did not make that up, either. This one is quite compelling, although Kim obviously let her acting lessons lapse after Vertigo, as she is astonishingly awful. Ed Wood's actors were better. Mary Tamm has some tasteful nudity. Didn't she marry Richard Dawkins - ah no, that was Lalla Ward. Shame!The whole concoction is utterly daft and yet never boring. Best viewed after about 8 pints in the pub...

A Rolls-Royce pulls up outside some large metal gates. A sign on a wall next to the gates says 'H.M. Prison Commission, Department of Psychiatric Medicine. Prof. R.C. Tremayne, MD Phd BSc', basically it's an asylum and Tremayne is in charge. Once past the gates and inside the building Dr. Nicholas (Jack Hawkins) congratulates his friend Dr. Tremayne (Donald Pleasence) on his breakthrough. They walk around the asylum and visit four patients who each have a story revolve around them. First up it's a young boy named Paul (Russell Lewis) in a segment called 'Mr. Tiger'.Paul's parents Faye (Georgia Brown) and Sam Patterson (Donald Houston) are always arguing. Paul's tutor Phillipe (David Wood) tells Faye about Paul's imaginary friend named 'Mr. Tiger' who is unsurprisingly a tiger. Obviously everyone thinks Paul is making it up. That is until Faye finds claw marks on a door............Nicholas and Tremayne then visit Timothy Patrick (Peter McEnery), which leads us into the second story called 'Penny Farthing'.Timothy's Aunt has recently died and left him a lot of antiques for his shop which he runs with his wife Ann (Suzy Kendall). Included with the items are a photograph of Timothy's stiff-upper lipped Uncle Albert (Frank Forsyth) and a penny farthing. While working late one night Timothy becomes possessed by Albert who makes him get on the penny farthing and start to peddle. This takes Timothy to another time and place, but for what possible reason.........?Next up it's Brian (Micheal Jayston) and a short story called 'Mel'.While out running one day Brian finds a strangely and interestingly shaped log. He drags it home as he thinks he can 'do something with it'. Much to the displeasure of his girlfriend Bella (Joan Collins). Brian becomes obsessed with it. But there seems to be something odd about the log, it's almost as if it were alive. Eventually Bella decides either the log goes or she does, with unexpected results.......Finally it's Auriol Pageant (Kim Novak) and her segment is called 'Luau'.Auriol is expecting an important client, an author named Kimo (Micheal Petrovitch) and his assistant Keoki (Leon Lissek) to fly into the country. Auriol decides she has to show him a good time and impress. First of all she takes Kimo and Keoki out to dinner, along with Auriol's daughter Virginia (Mary Tamm). Kimo then starts to take an unhealthy interest in Virginia's personal life. Meanwhile Auriol is planning on having an Hawaiian party as a surprise for Kimo, and the centrepiece being a large pork roast. However, it soon becomes clear that Kimo and Keoki have their own ideas as to what type of meat should be served..........Back at the asylum there is one final horrifying twist before the end credits roll. Directed by Freddie Francis I thought this was an average anthology and the individual stories themselves are a mixed bag to say the least. One of the problems is the script by Jennifer Jayne as Jay Fairbank. With an anthology film like this the segments need to be short and have a memorable twist at the end, in this case only the story called 'Mel' does. Mr. Tiger is very predictable, as soon as the word tiger is mentioned you know exactly what's going to happen in the end and it's not a surprise when it does. Penny farthing is just plain surreal and bizarre, there is no real explanation as to why Uncle Albert is possessing Timothy, it's merely hinted at. This story also has a very weak ending, I was sitting there waiting for a twist or a startling plot revelation but neither came and it just sort of ended limply. Mel with Joan Collins is easily the best story and tries to have a nice twist at the end, and as a whole the story itself works well as a short and is entertaining to watch Joan battle it out with a tree stump for the affections of Brian. The final story is also really predictable as it starts with Kimo promising to preform a voodoo ritual with a human sacrifice, he turns up at Auriol's house and takes an interest in her daughter Virginia. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out what's going to happen does it? It's generally well made as you would expect of British horror from the 70's. There is no blood or gore in it and only a couple of brief scenes of nudity, one of which involves Joan Collins, but the camera never shows her face while her characters breasts are out. They probably used a body double. Acting is OK from everyone involved. Overall I didn't think too much of it, it's OK but not as good as many other horror anthologies like the House that Drpped Blood (1970), Asylum (1972), the Vault of Horror (1973) or even Creepshow (1982). Probably worth a watch if you can catch it on T.V. but not much else.

A Freddie Francis movie with Kim Novak, Donald Pleasence and Jack Hawkins... how bad can it be? Well, pretty lousy actually.The movie starts with a car entering a psychiatric hospital. Then we hear from Dr. Tremayne that he's going to show us four extraordinary cases, after which we are subjected to them, in true porte-plumeau style. Err, wait a minute, wasn't there a movie called 'Asylum' (1972), a movie where (to finish this sentence, please re-read the paragraph above). So, by the end of the movie, you're pretty much expecting that the film will end in a similar way. Alas, it doesn't. The ending is even more ludicrous than the four stories you saw before. Yes, it's an invisible tiger. Yes, there's the story of Uncle Albert, a man on a painting who makes his next-of-kin ride on a bicycle (which makes them go back in time where they're observed by Albert, in the shape of a moving statue). Yes, it's a the man who falls in love with a tree (though, as he's married to Joan Collins, we cannot blame him). Yes, it's a man who has to devour the flesh of a maiden. And yes, the ending is even more ludicrous. (Although the last minute itself isn't too bad.)Jennifer Jayne wrote only two movies (as Jay Fairbank). The other is "Son of Dracula" (1974). Avoid the ludicrous Tales and watch "Son of Dracula" and Roy Ward Baker's "Asylum" instead.

Creepy British movie has four scary tales about an invisible man eating tiger, a picture that comes alive, a tree that is alive and the last and worst one is about voodoo. Joan Collins is great as a woman fighting for her husband's affection over a tree! The tiger and the picture episodes are good too. Altogether a good creepy movie .