The Loves of Hercules (1960)

Absolutely the worst movie.

A waste of 90 minutes of my life

While it is a pity that the story wasn't told with more visual finesse, this is trivial compared to our real-world problems. It takes a good movie to put that into perspective.

The tone of this movie is interesting -- the stakes are both dramatic and high, but it's balanced with a lot of fun, tongue and cheek dialogue.

HERCULES VS. THE HYDRA definitely ranks in the top 5 of the hundreds of Hercules films made in Italy in the 1960's (the others being HERCULES IN THE HAUNTED WORLD; the original Steve Reeves HERCULES; THE FURY OF HERCULES; the delirious THE WITCH'S CURSE; and the equally gonzo HERCULES PRISONER OF EVIL.) But back to HYDRA -- first, you've got Jayne Mansfield and Mickey Hargitay, and the fact that they eventually married, and that Mansfield died tragically, lends an undeniable poignancy to this movie. There's no way around it, it's part of Hollywood history, and it makes this a very melancholy portrait of two people falling in love. Second, there's Hargitay -- and dammit, he's a REALLY GOOD Hercules, possibly the best on a pure acting level (and Hargitay wasn't really an actor, so that's saying something.) He's dubbed (of course), but there's a real emotional yearning quality that comes across here, and he puts his heart and soul into almost every scene. Watch a bunch of the other Hercules actors and you'll see what I mean. Best of all, the movie veers off into delirious Alexander Ptushko territory about halfway through, when Herc encounters the three-headed Hydra in the land of the Amazons. Anyone who loves Ray Harryhausen type fantasy films will get a kick out of this one. The weird-ass forest of human trees is especially good. Definitely a winner.

**Possible Spoilers Ahead**Former Mr. Universe Mickey Hargitay takes his turn as the top-grossing strong-man of the early 1960s. At the beginning of the film he goes gallivanting off and leaves his wife unprotected. Smart move, Herc. She's murdered and our muscle-bound, muscle-headed hero is out for revenge. The hydra of some titles turns out to be a giant, triple-headed dragon that guards the gate to the underworld. It has all the mobility of a washing machine and just sits there nodding its heads and looking stupid as Hercules runs up and kills it. The loves of another title are Queen Deinera (brunette Jayne Mansfield) and evil amazon queen Hippolyta (red-haired Jayne Mansfield). Hippolyta has the nasty habit of turning her lovers into talking trees when she's tired of them. The actors playing the tree-men, ironically, give the least wooden performances in the picture. Mansfield, a blonde in most pictures, manages to be equally dopey as a brunette and a redhead. However, on this production, there was plenty of dopiness to go around. Hubby Hargitay hardly comes across as a rocket scientist. The director, writers and whoever did the deplorable dubbing weren't too swift either. When this lulu aired on AMC in 1999 they followed it with 1960s Hercules cartoons, clips from drive-in intermissions and home-movie footage of Mansfield trying to touch her toes while wearing high heels. I don't know which was funniest.

SPOILER AHEAD: There are two things which endear this movie to me: the mythology aspect and Jayne Mansfield, one of Hollywood's lost goddesses. The movie is really substandard and campy fare with limited effects, and Mickey Hargitay does pull off a fair Hercules, but it is Jayne which makes this movie bearable. She plays Hercules' true love Deianeira, who you should know if you've seen the American 90s television series. When a female sorceress trying to vamp Hargitay as Hercules, she ends up transforming herself into Mansfield, and next you have Jayne's spectacular figure bound up in another costume as if it is about to explode.Much of the story, however is just filler until Hercules meets the Hydra, which is a major let down. The creature is too fake and there's not much real action. The dubbed-in voices are as obvious as the phony Hydra. I'd only really see this if you're a Jayne fan like I am.

The totally rare Danish videorelease of this "trashy" film is full screen running 96.00 mins precisely. Italian tv channel RaiUno showed a letterboxed print(1: 1.70 cirka) the other day running ½ a minnute shorter. The 2 versions features a whole bunch of scenes filmed from different/alternative angles and many are diff/alternative takes. Quite "interesting" to compare actually...if you are into this sort of movie-watching. One scene found only in the Danish version shows Miss mansfield (hidden behind some see-through cloth)covering her naked body with some clothes. Extremely...uuhuuhhh...daring!!!!! I give it 5 out of 10.....but "reflecting" on it afterwards is worth a good laugh and....10 !!! Cheers sandal-genre comrades!!!