Enemy Gold (1994)

Good movie but grossly overrated

As Good As It Gets

A Major Disappointment

Instead, you get a movie that's enjoyable enough, but leaves you feeling like it could have been much, much more.

Having worked as Second Unit Director on a fair few of his father's trashy T&A action films, Drew Sidaris finally gets a crack at writing and directing his own feature, Enemy Gold, which sees a trio of government agents suspended from work by a corrupt official, discovering a stolen horde of Civil War gold while on vacation, and fighting for their lives against a vengeful Colombian drug-lord and his cohorts.Sidaris Jr. starts afresh with new characters, a (mostly) new cast and a change of location, but doesn't exactly break new ground, using the 'hot women, guns and explosions' formula that has proved so successful for his old man; but despite his best efforts at emulating dear dad's style, Drew clearly hasn't been paying enough attention to the finer details...Unforgivably, it is a whole 10 minutes before he gets any of his ladies naked (Andy would never have allowed that); 20 minutes have gone by before there is a gratuitous hot-tub scene; and the film is almost over by the time we get the movie's sole soft-core sex scene. Worse still, Drew offers no radio-controlled scale model action, no comedy hit-men, and no squib-tastic bullet hits.Kudos to Drew for casting Playboy playmates Suzi Simpson and Tanquil Lisa Collins, both of whom are stunning, and also for having Julie Strain (as assassin Jewel Panther) wave a sword around by firelight, wearing nothing but a few leather straps, but pretty much everything else about this film fails to entertain, making it one of the weakest films in my Girls, Guns and G-Strings box set (so far).

A trio of suspended federal agents -- Chris Cannon (likable Bruce Penhall), his childhood pal Mark Austin (the equally engaging Mark Barriere), and spunky Becky Midnite (a winningly perky portrayal by the adorable Suzi Simpson) -- search for a hidden gold treasure while vacationing in the woods. Meanwhile, evil drug lord Santiago (a pleasingly slimy turn by Rodrogo Obregon) hires lethal assassin Jewel Panther (deliciously overplayed with snarly brio by Amazonian stunner Julie Strain) to kill the agents so he can have the gold for himself. Andy's son Christian Drew Sidaris takes over as director here and proves to be a real chip off the ol' breezy'n'cheesy B-flick block: There's abundant yummy female nudity, an amusing sense of cheeky humor, scorching soft-core sex scenes, big splashy explosions, a constant snappy pace, and competently staged action set pieces. Alan Abelew contributes a perfectly smarmy performance as slimy corrupt fed Dickson while dishy blonde Tanquil Lisa Collins adds extra spice as foxy superior Ava Noble. As a tasty added plus, the insanely leggy and sexy Ms. Strain does a wild topless dance in front of a roaring campfire just because she can and there's a regrettably brief, but still enjoyable catfight between Strain and Simpson. Mark Morris' slick cinematography gives this picture a neat glossy look (the occasional sweeping helicopter shots are especially impressive). Ron Di Iulio's cool rocking score delivers the get-down jamming goods. A fun flick.

"Enemy Gold" marks a turning point in Andy Sidaris' filmography: his son Christian is sitting in the director's chair, and Dona Speir, Roberta Vasquez and Cynthia Brimhall are gone. The female lead this time is Suzi Simpson, and she is quite a find (I wonder why Sidaris didn't use her again): she has a great body (no matter what angle you look at it from), combined with a sweet, innocent face and a cute smile; she is appealing in the same way that Hope Marie Carlton was, plus she fights a bit more than other Sidaris heroines. Tai Collins, as a higher-in-command agent, is another total knockout, and Julie Strain, as an assassin-for-hire, is like a mythological Amazon come to life. Looking at this woman is much better than listening to her - her delivery turns her character into camp. The pacing of the movie lags in the second half, and when it's all over you have the feeling (as with other Sidaris movies) that it could have been much better. But what is there on the screen is still enjoyable - some of the lines are funny and all of the women are sexy. (**1/2)

You know, it takes a big man to do a good job at a hard task. But it takes an even bigger man to admit he what he cannot do, and then strive to do what he does best. That is Andy Sidaris in a nutshell. True, while he'll never be the next Steven Speilberg, he is truly a master at the task which is presented to him: B-movies. I have only seen three of his films and can tell this already. Enemy Gold is one of them. This film is a slap in the face to those who say that the exploitation of Sex, violence, and rock-&-roll are wrong, and then rubs the slap down with a little ice. What I'm trying to say is, that this movie, while not entirely wholesome, is still a good movie, no matter how you slice it. The enormous juggs are just a way of keeping peoples attention.