Dog Gone (2008)

Just perfect...

Absolutely Fantastic

if their story seems completely bonkers, almost like a feverish work of fiction, you ain't heard nothing yet.

Blistering performances.

This is one of the most stupid films I have ever seen.

I would be proud of my child if they wrote this screenplay in high school. The fact that somebody is supporting their career with this is genuinely disturbing. It's loaded with Sandler levels of sophomoric humor, which I could do without - though there are plenty who eat it up and that's fine. And yes, I get that it's a kids movie. But come on, there's more mental sustenance in a happy meal. If movies were food this would be the equivalent of serving Crisco, baking soda, sugar, and eggs and calling it chocolate chip cookies. It's missing some key ingredients, is nauseating to many, and revered by few.

Whether you are a kid or the parent of a kid, chances are that when you watch "Dog Gone", you'll experience a severe case of deja-vu. Echoes of other movies - much better movies - will rear their heads throughout. The movie that it copies the most is "Home Alone", but this family movie also rips off "Caddyshack"! Maybe this rip-off could have worked, but unless you are a kid - a really REALLY little kid - this movie is tough to sit through. It's so broadly played by its cast that you can't get involved with the main protagonist and the dog that he cares about. It's also at times so badly directed and edited that it takes you a few seconds to realize what just happened. And I won't get into the bizarre casting of Garrett Morris as the town's police chief. As I said, maybe really little kids might like this movie, but come on parents, surely you can find something better to entertain your kids!

In Cheney, apparently not too far from Los Angeles, Owen believes in a Bigfoot-type creature known as The Mad Man of the Mountain. He puts out food for the creature and uses fancy gadgets including a scarecrow and a Rube Goldberg-type booby trap to deal with those who might steal the food--including realistic-looking animated squirrels. He also has a fort which has still more gadgets, and a picture of his idol Leonardo da Vinci, the greatest inventor ever (greater than Edison? Really?).Shortly before the Fourth of July, Owen's parents are going to a teddy bear convention, leaving older sister Lilly in charge. Lilly is looking forward to bossing around her little brother. First, Owen must deliver his newspapers, which he does by means of another one of his gadgets. He stops to see Megan, a cute girl he seems to have a crush on. Then Owen makes a stop at a park at the top of a nearby mountain.Bud and Arty are at the airport, which is so small the voice making announcements has to ask who is moving the Cessna because she's on break. A blind nun with a service dog meets our heroes, only she's really Blackie, and the dog is what they have been hired to deliver. And our heroes will use an ancient pink and white Nash Rambler which smokes like a chimney and is as roomy as a Mini Cooper. The dog is wearing a necklace apparently made of diamonds, and the newspaper says there was a $5 million diamond heist in Los Angeles. However, these are three of the dumbest criminals in history.Our heroes run into Owen, who likes the dog and believes it is being mistreated. The nun has to use the facilities, and Owen directs her to the "correct" restroom, where Blackie is accused of being a pervert. Owen tries to help the dog but it is clear our heroes don't want him to, and the results are comically painful. Owen then releases the dog and hides it, then our heroes chase after him and demand he help them find the dog. Somehow, Owen is able to hide the dog where they'll never find it, and they don't find his fort either (did I mention how stupid they are?). Owen misses Shadow, the dog his family had which was old and had to be put to sleep. The family has never gotten another dog because of Lilly's allergies; it is never explained who they were able to have Shadow. But Owen clearly likes this dog, and she likes him too.The dog follows Owen home, and Owen must hide her from Lilly and make sure she is fed. This creates some opportunities for comedy. Meanwhile, Lilly wants to sneak out and be with her friends, and our heroes manage to find enough information on Owen's bike to track him down. Lilly just doesn't know where he is. And Owen discovers the newspaper story and sees what the collar actually looks like. He names the dog Diamond, and he realizes he has to go the police. Because Owen has such a hard time getting the words out as he explains, and because Owen has told such outlandish stories about the Mad Man of the Mountain, the cops don't believe him.That's fine, because the movie would have been over way too soon. We have a lot of wacky adventures still to come, and the wackiest are coming toward the end. With lots more gadgets and plenty of physical comedy. And we do find out whether there is a Mad Man of the Mountain.At first I was going to say this is a harmless film for kids. Still, it was rated TV-PG-V when I saw it. I thought this was overly cautious because I've seen far worse with the same rating and a different font. I was also going to say it is a family movie which is not offensive other than possibly making anyone over the age of twelve feel dumber after seeing it. But no, the last few minutes can be compared favorably with the classic "Home Alone". And Owen's scientific abilities exceed those of Macauley Culkin's character. Plus we have an amazing thrill ride and a touching conclusion.The squirrels are quite realistic but still look animated. Same for the hornets, Stinky the Skunk, and Bill Murray's nemesis from "Caddyshack".I don't think anyone will be watching this movie for the acting, though the girl playing Lilly stands out, and of course French Stewart does what he does best, which is playing incompetent morons. And he's the smartest of the three. Anyone who likes watching moronic bad guys get what they deserve should be happy. And there are several really funny gags like one involving a hot waitress in shorts. On the other hand, Owen's mom is entirely too perky. But we don't see much of her. Garrett Morris of "2 Broke Girls" doesn't really impress here.It's like I said. This is a kids' adventure. Very funny and lots of fun, and not really harmful.