Trog (1970)

Sadly Over-hyped

An Exercise In Nonsense

The movie's neither hopeful in contrived ways, nor hopeless in different contrived ways. Somehow it manages to be wonderful

An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

This movie was Joan Crawford's last screen appearance. She was effectively banished to this ultra-cheap British indie flick after bailing out of the filming of Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte. It is a dreadful pity that her career should end on this very sour note.SPOILER: This is a horror movie in which the real horror is that you parted with money to see it. The only suspense is how much more bad dialogue and moronic plot you'll be willing to sit through. Simply put, the title character, Trog, is a troglodyte - a CroMagnon man frozen for a million years and defrosted and revived by scientist Joan Crawford. Her work with this missing link is opposed and sabotaged by Michael Gough, as an Anti-evolution crank so small minded that he could also be a flat earther. Crawford, who seems to have an enormous range of skills, does surgery on Trog that enables him to speak. It turns out that Trog has the hots for Crawford's teenage daughter, which leads to a sort of brief abduction, followed by miserable end for Trog.In short, this movie is as if someone had approached me and offered me money (not a lot) and said, "Write up a sophomoric blend of Frankenstein and King Kong -- And don't make it good!"This is a lousy movie. It was notorious for being done on a low budget, and evidently so low budget that bad takes were kept and not refilmed. Worst of all, it was Joan Crawford's swan song. It's clear that she did her best, even with this wretched material.

Don't pity Bian Crawford for the silliness of her last film. Hers is a performance not to pity or laugh at. The screenplay, however, is another matter. Think of Joan as the female Bela Lugosi, and if she didn't exactly die with a script in her hand, she did end her career with a bang. Of course, the film doors end with a bomb and a boom and a bang, and some critics do label it as a bomb, but there are some sweet intentions, even though the final results are outrageously absurd.Joan is a scientist at an institute specializing in the search for the missing link, the proof that mankind has gone through many stages since their days as cavemen and does indeed, but not without a price. Others surrounding her fight the efforts she makes to educate the captured missing link, most of all the evil Michael Gough. Trog is interested in learning, reacting positively to the colors blue and green, as well as classical music, but turns violent over the color red and annoying rock music. A friendly dog isn't quite so friendly with Trog, while he has a soft spot for the female of the species, particularly blonds.In a sense, this is a variation of the Frankstein monster and Rdward Scissorhands even, so fresh it is not. There is also more than a passing resemblance to Pmanet of the Apes. Trog's rampage thanks to the evil Gough ends up gruesomely violent.Totally enjoyable in spite of its obvious ineptness, this is saved by Crawford's sincerity and the well- meaning themes. As for Trog, he wouldn't be so silly looking a creature had the monster like features in his face but the body building physique of a muscular little person into body shaving.

Some film fans may be understandably dismayed seeing screen legend Joan Crawford appearing in this kind of thing as her swan song. It also may be rather disconcerting seeing so many talented people - including director Freddie Francis and cinematographer Desmond Dickinson - wasting their time with such material. Admittedly, "Trog" is really for die hard fans of schlock (like this viewer) who can still have a good time provided that the material in question is laughable enough to be entertaining. And the movie does deliver in that regard.The actors are made to mouth some hilariously absurd lines in this yarn about noted anthropologist Dr. Brockton (Ms. Crawford), whose associates discover what could be the missing link in some British caves. Nicknamed "Trog" - short for troglodyte, of course - he's coddled and trained by Brockton and company. However, this doesn't sit well with everybody, including a skeptical police inspector (Bernard Kay) and especially a foul tempered local big shot, Sam Murdock (Michael Gough), who's convinced nothing good can come of playing host to this "monster".The rock solid cast play this junk with such admirably straight faces. Crawford doesn't seem to be embarrassed and gives a very sincere performance. Gough is great fun as the miserable jerk who sets the last act into motion. Kim Braden, David Griffin, John Hamill, Thorley Walters, Jack May, Robert Hutton, and David Warbeck co-star; the title part is played amusingly by Joe Cornelius, who's obliged to wear the so-so makeup that doesn't even cover that much of his body. Producer Herman Cohen, who specialized in these kinds of genre films, appears uncredited as a bartender.The sets are entertaining to look at, if not exactly convincing, and there's a fine score by John Scott.Overall, this is goofy fun for lovers of cinematic turkeys.Five out of 10.

So this is what it all came down to. "Trog" is anything but an elegant grace note to an illustrious career. As usual, Joan gives it her all, as if she were tackling Shakespeare. Surprisingly, she doesn't look bad for 65, despite the heavy eyelids. Unlike Bette Davis, who transcended her horror years with a few gentle performances at the end, Joan could not halt the downward spiral. Her latter films, like "Straight Jacket" and "Berserk" are campy fun, but this silly nonsense is just moronic and cheesy. For viewers, "Trog" is neither scary, as intended, nor is it mildly amusing for all the wrong reasons. It's simply embarrassing. We'll forgive her and pretend it never happened.