Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die (1967)

the audience applauded

Simply Perfect

There's no way I can possibly love it entirely but I just think its ridiculously bad, but enjoyable at the same time.

The thing I enjoyed most about the film is the fact that it doesn't shy away from being a super-sized-cliche;

I have a friend who is trying to lose some weight. To accomplish this, he recently went on a banana diet. Whenever he's hungry he just eats a banana. Well it looks like Kelly, the hero of this film, is on the same diet. He eats bananas throughout the movie, to comedic effect and at the most unexpected of times. The man eats a banana while dangling from the back of a moving speedboat! Then he casually tosses the peel into the water!It's a spoof of other spy films, but it never goes too far overboard with the parody like Austin Powers, which is what I love about it. The main character is not an unbelievable buffoon, but a smart, capable, sophisticated spy—not unlike James Bond but with his own, funny personality—with a few good one-liners and who appreciates a good banana. Sure, it's very cheesy at times, but that is balanced with a generous helping of action and a decent storyline, topped off with spot-on performances and fun dialogue. There is one stunt in particular, involving a helicopter and a well-known Brazilian statue that had me on the edge of my seat.This movie is both funny and tense. It's never boring, and every scene has something good in it. Mike Connors is great in the lead role, and he's backed up by some outstanding performances by Susan Fleming and Raf Vallone. However, I particularly enjoyed Terry-Thomas' pitch-perfect performance in the role of an unassuming chauffeur with a few tricks up his sleeve.I saw this film at a revival house in Los Angeles many decades after its release. I was initially intrigued because of the awesomely hilarious title and the strange but funny trailer I'd seen played the previous week at the same theater. Everyone in the theater laughed and had a good time, but after it was over I overheard some of the other people in the theater say that it was so bad it was good. I didn't get that feeling. I just felt like it was good. I haven't been able to find it on home video and I get the feeling that it never received a wide home video release, if any, but if you get a chance to watch it I highly recommend it.

Kiss the Girls and Make them Die has a great title, and since it was shot in 1966, great chic value at this point. Plus it was a studio movie with enough budget to be shot with top shelf cinematography, film stock, and sets (including locations in Brazil), but the actors don't really carry it over the top. Mike Connors is recognizable and active, but his lines aren't the best. It's not edgy or intense enough to shadow James Bond, and not camp enough to be Matt Helm. It's quite a blah in between. ANother problem is there are a LOT ofstylistic and plot 'borrowings' from the specific Bond movie You Only Live Twice, and this undermines it being a parody. Then there are moments when the film inexplicably fails to capitalize on both small and big moments, and just kind of lets them drift away, which is frustrating because at other times you're marvelling at the frame and sets.Most of the female actresses are forgettable, particularly the one who develops into the lead. The arch villain is threatening, but also not maximized, and his henchman is particularly uninteresting, and unconvincing as a bad guy. THe film switches up between serious and campy, and it's just not written clever enough to pull it off.That said, the movie is visually gorgeous, with shots of a Rio De Janiero in the late 1960s, with one fantastic interior after another, a mix of Brazilian culture with mid-century modern. You want to see a Rolls Royce driving a jungle road? You'll see it here. It's too bad the leads weren't more engaging, or given more character in the script to work with.

"Kiss The Girls And Make Them Die" (quite a distasteful title, by the way) opens with an ambitious and well-executed action sequence (a fight / shoot out atop the Jesus Christ statue in Rio), but it wouldn't be much of an exaggeration to say that very little happens for the next hour or so, as the film simply coasts along on its beautiful Brazilian locations. As a spoof, it's not really very funny ("The Last Of The Secret Agents?" actually has more laughs), and neither is its main running gag about the hero finding and eating bananas everywhere he goes (well, at least one of them comes in handy in disposing a henchman near the end!). Granted, the film has its moments (the game of one-upmanship between Connors and Dorothy Provine, the camouflaged car, Terry-Thomas doing karate (!), etc.), but they are few and far between. And I was bitterly disappointed to discover that Margaret Lee's and Marilu Tolo's roles were nothing more than brief cameos. ** out of 4.

'Kiss The Girls & Make Them Die' ( to give it its American title ) was one of a number of films in the '60's designed to cash in on the success of James Bond. It was made by Dino De Laurentiis, a man who, like Irwin Allen, has attracted more than his fair share of derision over the years, despite having produced some pretty entertaining pictures, of which this is one.It begins with a curious scene in the Brazilian jungles as eccentric English explorer Lord Aldric ( Terry-Thomas ) comes across a village where no children have been born in years, and despite the best efforts of the women the men appear completely disinterested in sex ( sounds like my home town! ). Aldric makes notes in his diary, only to be shot. The diary then goes missing - having been taken by one of the bearers - and a gang of villains, headed by wealthy industrialist David Ardonian ( Raf Vallone ) set out to recover it.We then move to Rio De Janeiro. An American is watching a pretty girl and a young man through binoculars. Various thugs close in on him. Taking refuge in a giant statue of Jesus, he is stalked by a sinister bald heavy ( Oliver McGreevy - who also appeared in 'Modesty Blaise' and the first episode of 'The Prisoner' T.V. series ) with a gun. The American, whom we will later learn is called Kelly, is an agent of the C.I.A., and escapes from the killer with the aid of a helicopter.Kelly is in Rio to investigate the activities of the mysterious Mr.Ardonian, believed to be responsible for the disappearances of beautiful girls. Each has lavish gifts bestowed on them, on the promise that they will remain faithful to him. If any break this vow - and one or two do - then he has them killed. His top henchman is Omar ( Sandro Dori ), a baby-faced blond psychopath whose favourite murder methods involve scorpions and boa constrictors.To cut the story short, Ardonian plans on cryogenically freezing his girls and thawing them out for breeding purposes when the world's population has died out due to mass sterility - which he intends causing with the aid of a satellite that will blanket the world with radiation. The Chinese have provided him with a rocket, believing he will only sterilise the West. Of course he does not intend honouring this promise.Joining forces with glamorous British agent Susan Fleming ( Dorothy Provine ) and her ever-so English chauffeur James ( Terry-Thomas again ), Kelly sets out to stop the madman.The first thing to be said for the movie is that it looks more expensive than your average '60's spy caper. Most of the 007 wannabees lacked the kind of extravagance the Bonds had in abundance, but 'Kiss' was an exception. It boasts fabulous location filming in Rio, impressive sets ( Ardonian's underground lair is cool ), the gadgets are fun, the girls hot, and the hero stylishly played by future 'Mannix' star Mike Connors. Little is known about his character, we do not find out if 'Kelly' is his first name or last, all we really know is that he loves bananas. Unusually, he does not get to sleep around, though he proposes marriage to Susan at the end. Dorothy Provine is very funny, even if her English accent is none too convincing, but in a movie like this reality is unimportant. As 'Ardonian', Raf Vallone is as menacing as he was in 'The Italian Job' when he played the head of the Mafia. Terry-Thomas is a hoot as the karate chopping 'James'. As Chinese spy 'Wilma Soong', Seyna Seyn is devastatingly sexy, though underused.It is said that the 1979 Bond movie 'Moonraker' is a virtual remake of this picture. I am sure Christopher Wood and Lewis Gilbert would vehemently deny it, but even so the resemblance is uncanny.One of the film's writers, Jack Pulman, went on to pen the classic B.B.C. series 'I Claudius'. He probably only took this job for the money, but his script is a lot better than many others of the genre, being consistently amusing and inventive. Being English, he may have seen an episode of the 'Thunderbirds' T.V. series, explaining how 'Susan' and 'James' so closely resemble 'Lady Penelope' and 'Parker'.Henry Levin, the director, keeps the action moving nicely, and it is hard to believe the same man directed two of Dean Martin's 'Matt Helm' pictures - 'Murderers' Row' and 'The Ambushers'.The only fault I could find was the music, particularly the harmonica solos used during the action which seem to have drifted in from a Western. If ever a film cried out for Jerry Goldsmith it was this one.'Kiss' never got a sequel. Bearing in mind how quickly the Flint and Matt Helm series deteriorated it is probably just as well. It is tremendous entertainment, a must for genre fans, and deserves a D.V.D. release. Perhaps now that Quentin Tarantino has officially endorsed it it may get one. Not before time either.