Galaxina (1980)

Very very predictable, including the post credit scene !!!

If the ambition is to provide two hours of instantly forgettable, popcorn-munching escapism, it succeeds.

It’s sentimental, ridiculously long and only occasionally funny

The acting in this movie is really good.

Low budget "Barbarella" knock-off manages to be watchable, but is nowhere as funny as it thinks it is. Dorothy Stratten plays the sexy robot Galaxina on a ship of space intergalactic cops patrolling the universe. While the crew is asleep, Galaxina reprograms herself to be more human. Romantic entanglements ensure. Later their ship is sent to recover a mysterious crystal on a planet that resembles the old west, which is a goofily entertaining of genre mash-up. The film mostly wants to operate as a sci-fi spoof of "Star Trek," "Alien," any number of other films in the vein of Mel Brooks, but it's nowhere as clever as Brooks or a Zucker/Abrams/Zucker parody film. Also, the film suffers from being too overt of a sex comedy, which worked much better in "Barbarella," where director Roger Vadim kept the film sexy but also somewhat innocent, where in "Galaxina" it just feels leering and creepy. Despite it's many deficiencies, Stratten demonstrates real star power in a ridiculous film, much like Jane Fonda in "Barbarella," and as bad as this film is, it did make me wish Stratten had gotten to make more films.

I've seen GALAXINA referred to as a "cult favorite" to which my response is, "For whom?" There are endless better descriptions of this sci-fi/"comedy" from writer/director William Sachs. Here is a short selection from which to choose: crap, rubbish, garbage, the cinematic equivalent to that murky water that pools under dumpsters, and an excruciating waste of time for all parties involved. I've seen it twice in my life (and likely never again) and I've never been able to stomach it in one sitting. It follows the crew of the space police patrol ship Infinity in the year 3008. The crew consists of Captain Cornelius Butt (Avery Schreiber), his second in command Sergeant Thor (Stephen Macht), the ship's pilot Buzz (J.D. Hinton), the engineers Maurice (Lionel Mark Smith) and Sam Wo (Tad Horino), and the ship's service droid Galaxina (Dorothy Stratten). I guess the movie is about the love developing between the lecherous Thor and poor Galaxina but we're also forced to suffer through an inane B-plot where the crew is sent twenty-seven years into deep space to the former penal colony on Altar 1 to recover something called the "blue star" which gives its user the power to conquer the universe. An alien named Ordic (Ronald Knight) also has sights on the blue star and so the race is on to see who can find it first. There's a good chance none of this matters though because the movie is so mercilessly not funny that you'll be struggling to care."You know, kid, you got a bad habit. You breathe." – Captain ButtIf the fact that the captain is named Butt (and you're meant to laugh at it) wasn't enough of a warning, the sense of dread should wash over you around the time Butt starts dropping such golden lines as the one above. But to even get to the point where you're forced to suffer through the dialogue, you have to sit through almost ten minutes of shots of the Infinity traveling through space, an opening text scrawl, and the opening credits. Once we finally get to the characters, you're immediately hit with guffaw-worthy gags like the alien opera on TV broadcasting "live from Uranus" and Butt hitting his crew with zingers like, "If a jack*** had both your brains, he'd be a dumb jack***." Classic. There's also a rock-eating alien in the ship's brig for Butt to torment that's supposed to be funny because it uses foul language and eats rocks. This rock-eater (and that's as close as we get to a name for it) looks like a costume you'd see in the background of the Mos Eisely scene in STAR WARS, except STAR WARS would've been smart enough not to give the character any lines because then it just looks stupid with it's flapping puppet mouth. Speaking of STAR WARS, you'll see it's influence all over this fecal pile; same with STAR TREK and ALIEN. It's just a constant reminder that you could be watching better movies.Let's ignore the fact that 100% of the film's jokes fall flat and that nothing of importance happens until somewhere around the movie's halfway point (or arguably ever). What about the characters themselves? Anyone relatable or semi-interesting? You can probably already guess the answer to that. I'm pretty sure I can skip Captain Butt here. Thor is our "hero" and the inevitable love interest for Galaxina. Our first glimpse into their budding love is when he attempts to grope under her skirt at dinner and gets an electric shock for his effort. He later tries to force himself on her in private (and gets electrocuted again) before getting his rocks off (you'll hear the pun a lot thanks to the rock eater) at an intergalactic brothel. Oh, and it's while spying on Thor in the brothel that Galaxina first shows signs of affection for him. So, analyze that. So Thor's a horrible human being. How do the rest fare? One-dimensionally. No one else gets more than a character trait or two to define them. Buzz is a good ol' boy. Maurice is some sort of man-bat with pointed ears and tiny useless wings on his shoulders, and Sam is a wizened old Asian man who's constantly stoned and speaks in fortune cookies. Then there's the fact that the movie sees women as nothing more than sex objects while the only two non-white characters are treated like lesser crewman (Maurice and Sam are the only characters absent from the dinner scene).GALAXINA earns minor points for surprisingly effective production design and cinematography. The miniatures used in the space sequences are believable for a few minutes before they just aren't. This movie looks a lot better than it has any right to but it's not enough to save it. There's nothing more painful to watch than comedy that utterly fails to be funny, and GALAXINA reminds me a lot of another garbage sci- fi/"comedy" from the '80s: MORONS FROM OUTER SPACE. I despised that movie too. GALAXINA might be a different type of bad from MORONS FROM OUTER SPACE, but it's definitely as bad.

Regarding my thoughts on "Galaxina", I can only concur with what my good pal BA_Harrison wrote. That poor, poor Dorothy Stratten! She became a lust object and Playmate of the Year at the tender age of 19, but what did she have to show for it? Two lousy movies and an affair with a sleazy director 20 years older than herself! Only one sole and turbulent year of success, between August 1979 and August 1980, tragically cost her life since she was barbarically murdered by her former husband/manager Paul Snider. This pathetic and otherwise completely forgettable little flick exploits her luscious female curves and cleverly camouflages her limited acting skills, since Stratten stars as a cyborg in a tight golden latex outfit. The film itself is a dire and non-humorous spoof of Sci-Fi milestones such as "Star Trek", "Alien", "2001: A Space Odyssey" and primarily of course "Star Wars". Writer/director William Sachs previously made "The Incredible Melting Man", which was supposed to be dead serious and petrifying but provoked hysterical laughter instead. With "Galaxina" he actually tries to be funny, but fails miserably. The plot is inexistent, the dialogs are dull and the gags are embarrassingly inept (and badly timed atop). Avery Schreiber does what he can to provide the film with a light-headed and cheerful atmosphere, but the script is just hopeless. "Galaxina" got released around the same time as Stratten's murder, and undoubtedly would have been long forgotten if she hadn't passed away. Imagine her poor parents' grief!

If go on Crackle you can watch this 1980 movie Galaxina. The movie deals with the adventures of the Spaceship Infinity and trying to recover this mysterious crystal the Blue Star. This movie is one of these spoof movies in which they were trying to poke fun at movies like Star Wars and Star Trek. Most of what happens is pretty dumb. You can tell this was a low budget movie.This is one of these movies which may make you want turn of the TV. I'm not going to say this movie was as boring as Gor. This movie is still pretty dumb. The movie starts out and it takes at least 6 minutes just to get through the opening credits in which nothing much happens. There isn't much action until they are told they have to find this Blue Star. For some reason they will have to go through cryogenic sleep for 27 years just to retrieve the blue star. You don't even find this out until part way through the movie.They eventually end up on this Alien Planet and this is when the movie turns into something that could resemble a spaghetti western. This is where it got really strange. They had aliens that eats humans. They even had a biker gang where the people actually worship a Harley Davidson Motorcycle. This movie was a real mess. You wonder who wrote the script for this movie.