Trojan War (1997)

You won't be disappointed!

Too much of everything

To me, this movie is perfection.

what a terribly boring film. I'm sorry but this is absolutely not deserving of best picture and will be forgotten quickly. Entertaining and engaging cinema? No. Nothing performances with flat faces and mistaking silence for subtlety.

The film opens up strongly, but then quickly descends after the "practice" scene. Leah's obviously in love with him, her movements and reactions couldn't express that any louder. Yet, Brad somehow ignores the fact that the girl who's leg he was holding was an inch away from passionately kissing him.From there on out, it became incredibly predictable until the end credits. The small problems become major problems, the "funny" bad guy (or girl, in this case) becomes reoccurring, the girl he's after turns out to not be the girl he truly wants, and the bad guy gets taken out by the good guy doing barely anything. What really bothered me about the final "climatic" scene was that the dog that he's had a problem with since leaving Brooke's house obeyed him in attacking Brooke's boyfriend, instead of attacking Brad. There was absolutely NO logic behind that.The movie then ends with him realizing that the entire quest was pointless, as his prize has been right there in front of him the whole time. Then they kiss for a while, and movie's over. We don't know what happens to the gang members he befriended, we don't know what his parents do after finding out what happened (especially him losing their car), we don't know if Brooke and Kyle get back together, nothing is solved in the end except Leah's want for Brad.There was a few solid laughs, but with it's 85 minute run time, a few isn't anywhere close to cutting it. I stared at the screen with a blank face for most of the "jokes" that were seemingly written by 10 year olds that try too hard to be funny. It wasn't very entertaining, but it did keep a "I still wanna see how this ends" type of vibe on me the entire time. Long story short, watch it if you want, but there's plenty other high school, sex comedies that do the job a hell of a lot better.

During my summer vacations over the years of seeing and reviewing movies, I was always happy and delighted to some movies that I'll always remember that particular summer vacation. Well, recently, during my summer vacation this year, I have to say that I've seen my first worst movie during the summer. And, it was not the last one I thought was terrible. In August of this year, I've seen another horrible movie. That movie was Harlem Nights, with Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor. At the end of my summer vacation, I had to ask myself one question: What movie would I not want to see again? My answer? Trojan War. And, if you're asking what's Trojan War is about, let me tell you what exactly Trojan War means in this movie. A high-school senior, played by Will Friedle, wants to woo the girl of his dreams. The girl in his dreams is a beautiful blonde, who's also friends with a high-school jerk. One night, he sees his chance to make out with her. One problem stands in his way: he doesn't have protection. In other words, he doesn't have a condom. So, he goes to a convenience store and buys the condoms, all right. But, once he's outside the store, his parents' car is stolen by a group of Hispanic thugs. Movie stereotyping being seen here. Throughout this whole movie, the poor kid tries to get one condom and in the midst of the madness, he embarks on a series of misadventures. Those misadventures includes: walking into a nightclub and having to be forced to dance with a voluptuous Hispanic woman, having to take a wild ride in a city bus, driven by a insane bus driver, who doesn't like it when the riders don't pay for their ride on the bus, and we see the young man being taken hostage by the same Hispanic thugs that took his parents' car. Now that I explain to you what's the movie about, you can see that the title of this movie is misleading. People might think this movie is about the legendary story of the Trojan War that was fought in the B.C. era. Wrong. To me, this story is ridiculous. Why do we care about this young kid, who want to love this blonde? The only thing I have to say before I forget again is the supporting character, played Jennifer Love Hewitt. What is she doing in a movie like this? She's a young actress, who has the talent to express to the audience. Here, her character goes nowhere fast. The movie is also predictable and the elements of this story are burrowed from other teenage romances. We have the kid who's in love with the blonde in the movie. He should love the brunette. I mean, if I was this kid, I would've went with Jennifer Love Hewitt. I'm again ready to forget this movie once again. But, just because I've seen my first and worst summer movie, I didn't miss out other good or great movies as well. If I had to pick the worst summer movie of 2013, Trojan War would be my choice. I would leave this one in the heat for good. ★ 1/2 1 1/2 star.

"Trojan War" is the typical fluffy teen fare with as much subtlety as an ice cream cone. And worse off, it's not funny! Silly, yes. Stupid, very. Funny, seldom. Original, scarcely.Come on, this is a funny premise! A great premise with great potential! "Booty Call" wasn't the smartest comedy, but it had enough charm, originality and wit to pull it off. It used the condom-chasing premise wisely, for the most part. "Trojan War" is simply a cartoonish farce that flings one goofy situation after another, all of which is over-the-top--sometimes obnoxious--but rarely funny. Wow, I'm surprised it went direct to video!Will Friedle is not a bad actor, but he's resorted to bumbling around like an ape. Let's face it, he has little comic talent. With his previous experience in the biz mainly being the lamebrain sitcom, "Boy Meets World," what do you expect? Who can pick up a great sense of timing and delivery on a sitcom aimed at pre-teens? All his dialogue delivery seems forced and artificial. Bad writing and half-assed acting? Not a good combo. Of course, we have the beautiful Jennifer Love Hewitt to keep our eyes open. I liked how she performed a few songs for the soundtrack. I think I'm about the only one who bought her CDs, so I'm probably the only one who recognized her singing in the background in two scenes. One of which she's driving in her jeep and listening to her own song on the radio! That I found hilariously ironic. She's a good actress, and has a really good voice. You go, girl! The few funny moments are mostly thanks to the (adult) cameos. Lee Majors plays the local officer. You can't get much cooler than Lee Majors! Anthony Michael-Hall plays a psychotic bus driver who REALLY makes sure his customers pay "exact change only!" Kathy Griffin has a brief cameo as a convenience store clerk. In a juvenile teen flick like this, you just want to applaud and applaud when grown-up actors like these make their appearances. It almost adds a touch of class.As for the plot, faggedaboudit! You can't get any more predictable! One thing that always bugs me out about these movies: The girl who the guy is chasing is always a lot less prettier than the girl (usually his best friend, like in this case) who had the hots for him all along. Marley Shelton is a pretty actress, but that dumb blonde floozie facade should've turned him off from the get-go. Meanwhile, we have the extremely beautiful JLH who has known this guy (Friedle) all his life, and he didn't once consider hooking up with her? Yeah, right! It's just another cheap cinematic conceit that filmmakers abuse to the bone. And the Shelton character is so unappealing, while JLH's very likeable, that you wonder why he went on this whole condom-chasing journey in the first place! It makes no sense.The disappointing thing is George Huang directed this piece of crap! This is the guy who wrote and directed the underrated dark satire "Swimming with Sharks" featuring one of Kevin Spacey's best performances. How did he make the transition from hilarious, biting satire to utter garbage? I think the two films bare no similarity whatsoever, and it's almost impossible to believe they were made by the same director.If your day consists of sitting on the couch watching marathons of "Saved By the Bell" and "California Dreams," this is the film for you!My score: 3 (out of 10)

Nifty movie! Will Friedle is fantastic. The film often drifted into extreme cheeseball territory, but Friedle kept it funny and charming nonetheless by shifting between frenetic and nonplussed as the scene needed. He's just enormously funny (though, a couple of scenes stirred up an interest in seeing him perform drama -- very charismatic actor). Danny Masterson and Jason Marsden were a hoot and a half as the film's Greek Chorus.This movie isn't a classic, per se, but I'll definitely rent it again, next time I'm in the mood for a good, light-hearted comedy!