3-Headed Shark Attack (2015)

So much average

Sick Product of a Sick System

It's fun, it's light, [but] it has a hard time when its tries to get heavy.

If the ambition is to provide two hours of instantly forgettable, popcorn-munching escapism, it succeeds.

The Three Acts:The initial tableaux: First snapshot: We see the monster in the first few minutes. We start at some sort of ocean-side resort where we have a skinny dipping dare. Right in the middle of this, the 3 headed shark attacks and kills a woman, then three men.Second snapshot: Maggie starts as a new intern at an oceanographic research station, The Persephone, a big chunk of which is underwater. The station is placed near the Great Pacific Garbage Patch to study the effects of garbage on the ocean ecology. Persephone aims to join forces with special interest groups to help save the planet. While on the initial tour with one of the special interest groups, Maggie meets Greg again, whom she knew in undergraduate school.Delineation of conflicts: The 3-headed shark is hungry, and eats people, while the people would rather go on living. Persephone staff try to keep people safe, but the shark has other ideas. After the shark destroys the station, a few survive and escape on a small boat. Max Burns diverts the fishing expedition he's leading to try to help. The shark diverts to attack a booze cruise ship. Resolution: Will the booze cruise be saved, or will clichés be enforced?

3 HEADED SHARK ATTACK is unsurprisingly a follow-up to 2-HEADED SHARK ATTACK. It's another monster flick from The Asylum, in which an unlikely creation goes after a group of partygoers and various assorted individuals off the coast of Florida.You know the score by now if you're familiar with The Asylum's work: this is a so-bad-it's-good piece of film-making cheese, loaded with unashamed dodgy special effects, lashings of bloodshed, and almost constant eye candy. The scenarios and situations are ripped off from various movies, including PIRANHA 3D, but nonetheless I found myself enjoying it. The film provides a near-constant stream of shark attack scenes with plenty of goofy acting to applaud.This is a step up from the previous movie and one of the most fun films from The Asylum that I've yet watched. They even have Danny Trejo making an extended cameo in a spin on his character from MACHETE. Really, though, it's all about the likes of Dawn Hamil and Brianna Ferris parading around in their form-fitting bikinis to titillate male viewers, and some better than average CGI effects used to animate the three-headed shark. Normal cinema-goers will hate this film, but B-movie fans should get a kick or two (or three!) out of it.

Let's just say that each time the "shark" ate someone, I was hoping it had room for one more. I simply cannot understand how anybody would want to invest other than time in watching this piece of crap, and I do believe the producers should have their heads examined along with the people conceiving the plot. I actually like and respect Danny Trejo as an actor, but he should definitely have passed this part along with the remains after his breakfast. More specifically, it is the profound idiocy in this movie that really turns me off. I don't mind watching D-movies as long as they are have a certain minimum of innate logic, and to point to some examples I better first write this:SPOILER ALERT:Don't read this if you want to see this movie without first learning about some of its more blatant flaws. The actual action starts when this 3-headed fish arrives and for some reason decides to rip a large underwater research facility apart. At first it just swims a little around and is spotted by some visitor named Brad who see its shadow, complete with a large tail fin swinging from side to side some distance away. Now, everybody knows of course that a whale will swing its tail up and down, but Brad, who according to his own statement ("Nah, it's fine professor. We've all kicked it with whales before!") should have known better, mistakes this typical fish-mode of swimming for that of a large whale and waddles out in the water to have a better look. The water is not deep at all so when this guy almost reaches a large collection of floating debris it reaches no higher than a little bit below his knees. In the mean time wee see this gigantic shark, which I estimate to be something like 15-30 meters long (its size seems to fluctuate throughout this movie) and perhaps 2-3 meters tall and with a back fin no less than 2 meters in height, approaching with its head immediately underneath the floating debris. The back fin turns out to be no problem because it somehow manages to tuck it away so it does not stick up through the floating debris, thus warning Brad. Then it finally comes close enough to initiate a giant leap out of the water, and we are talking a leap at least twice as high, relatively, as one of the great white jumping sharks you might have seen on TV, and who requires at least a depth of 4-5 times their body lengths to build enough speed for the jump. Brad is of course just standing in his knee-deep water with open mouth and an expression of surprise all over, and then the shark slams right down on him and disappears deep below the surface of what must obviously be solid sand. Amazing. The rest of Brad's buddies on shore then run for the only safe place on this atoll that have probably been above sea level for hundreds of years - yes, they of course run deep down into the facility, which is then trashed by the shark, that also manages to snatch some guy sitting on a toilet by jumping up through the floor. At this point in the movie I actually started to expect the shark to start jumping out the faucets, but no. Then they all run upstairs and decide to swim out to a little boat one by one rather than staying in complete safety on land, and the rest is so stupid that it is hard to fathom. Why can't the shark catch a couple of slow swimming "actors" when it has no problem swimming faster than a speedboat on other occasions? How come the water is completely still around the boat while the "actors" discuss their options when we have just seen one of them fire it up at half speed? Why would I waste maybe half an hour of my precious life writing this critique when I have seen at least ten movies just as bad, or worse? Who reads these reviews anyway?

3 Headed Shark Attack (2015) ** (out of 4) A group of scientist come under attack by a mutated three-headed shark and soon the creature is attacking anyone that it can. Soon the group realizes that the sharks are going after pollution, which leads to a cute political message about keeping the world clean.2-HEADED SHARK ATTACK was a decent monster flick and you know what they say, three heads are better than two. Well, at least this film proves that. Much like the first film, you'd be downright insane if you went into a picture like this expecting any kind of art. Just so you know, there are countless logical issues with the story but if you're willing to watch a movie called 3 HEADED SHARK ATTACK then can you really question logic? Again, if you're a fan of this type of film then you already know what to expect. A movie like this just needs to be entertaining in a so bad it's good kind of way and I think this film succeeds at that. There are all sorts of bloody attack sequences, which are pretty much and I must admit that the actual look of the shark is quite good. The CGI effects are obviously very cheap but at the same time they at least look better than the majority of the films like this. The performances are decent for what they are and it's Danny Trejo who does the celebrity small part.3 HEADED SHARK ATTACK is exactly what it sounds like and for the most part it's cheap entertainment.