The Cottage (2008)

The Worst Film Ever

This is one of the few movies I've ever seen where the whole audience broke into spontaneous, loud applause a third of the way in.

This is a coming of age storyline that you've seen in one form or another for decades. It takes a truly unique voice to make yet another one worth watching.

The story-telling is good with flashbacks.The film is both funny and heartbreaking. You smile in a scene and get a soulcrushing revelation in the next.

Reviewing a comedy is difficult. If you examine the jokes too much, they fall apart. If you quote various lines out of context, they lose their impact. 'The Cottage' is very much of the type that deserves to be watched, enjoyed and left at that.To skirt over the story, David (Andy Serkis) and Peter (Reece Shearsmith) have kidnapped Tracey (Jennifer Ellison) but the situation becomes more complicated than any of them could imagine. Then, those complications become complicated … and so on. Even in the very last scene, the situation that has taken on such satisfyingly ridiculous proportions becomes … even more complicated.My one real problem with this are the excessive profanities. At the risk of sounding like everyone's elderly parents, I found such expletives are shockingly funny to begin with, but become wearisome once they are established as the normal way of speaking. Other than that, this is a fine slice of black comedy. Politically incorrect in places, but mainly the laughs come from the extravagant blood and gore on display.Tracey's large breasts only feature once as the focal point of the comedy, serving only as a distraction allowing her to get the better of Peter. The males are the subject of the humour here, their ineptitude and consistent failures causing the mayhem that propels the story. It's good to see Hellraiser's Doug Bradley in this, but a shame his appearance is limited to a 'villager with dog' credit.All performances are enjoyable, with the excellent Shearsmith getting the brunt of the gory punishment. With Serkis, it is easy to note his performances as a number of CGI creations in other films, but this is a reminder what a good 'physical' actor he is too.

I had seen the DVD for this film numerous times, I remembered two or three of the stars in it, and I knew it was obviously a scary movie, I had wanted to see it for a long while, and I was glad when I finally did, directed by Paul Andrew Williams (London to Brighton, Song for Marion). Basically brothers David (Andy Serkis) and Peter (Reece Shearsmith) have kidnapped Tracey (Jennifer Ellison), the stepdaughter of underworld crime boss Arnie (Octopussy's Steven Berkoff) (only seen after the end credits, in a short and pointless cameo), they have brought her to a cottage in the countryside. Peter, who is very clumsy, makes the call to the stepfather and ask for a ransom of £100,000 to be delivered to the step-brother Andrew (So What Now's Steven O'Donnell), but Andrew is a moron and does not check the content of the bag, instead he is followed by two Chinese hit-men, hired by Tracey's stepfather. David and Peter discover the bag is full of scraps of paper, so David drives to the nearby village to make a phone call and demand the money, when he returns he finds Andrew fainted, and Tracey has managed to escape and reverted the situation by making Peter her hostage. Tracey drags Peter into an old and secluded cottage, taking him inside they find a series of severed heads, the cottage is occupied by an insane and deformed Farmer (Dave Legeno), he has killed the killers looking for the brothers, and he kills Tracey. After a series of chases and the Farmer killing Andrew, the two brothers try their best to stick together and survive the night of violence, in the end David is impaled by a pick axe, and Peter is trapped in a basement surrounded by the Farmer's cannibalistic wife and daughters. Also starring Simon Schatzberger as Steven, Hellraiser's Doug Bradley as Villager with Dog, Mike and Angelo's Katy Murphy as Farmer's Wife and This Is England '86's Johnny Harris as Smoking Joe. There are certainly good recognisable faces in the cast, it is a little predictable with two bumbling criminals trying to get a ransom and then the film switching gear, but I agree with critics, this is trying too hard to be like An American Werewolf in London and Shaun of the Dead, a film trying blend scares and laughs together, it does fine with the amount of gory violence, over-the-top kills and stuff, but it only made me giggle a little bit, all in all it is an average comedy horror. Okay!

In a remote part of the countryside, a bungled kidnapping turns into a living nightmare for four central characters when they cross paths with a psychopathic farmer and all hell breaks loose.My experience with Paul Andrew Williams has been brief, though with his limited filmography this probably is no surprise. The first thing of his I saw was "The Children", which was excellent. However, being that he only supplied the story and did not write the screenplay or direct, his influence is hard to gauge.Next I saw "Cherry Tree Lane", which I do not particularly care for. I will admit that if you want a realistic story of a family being terrorized by teenagers, this is about the best job that could be done. But it is not my cup of tea, and did not leave me overly impressed.And so, I entered into "The Cottage" a little bit less than confident, and was immediately impressed. Williams has a phenomenal script here, seamlessly blending a crime drama, a comedy and a horror film without missing a beat. As the genres blend together or flow from one to another, it never seems forced or awkward. The success of this feat alone make the film worthwhile, as I am unable to think of any other picture that has even tried this blend.But beyond the script, the characters are excellently cast and acted (it is nice to see Andy Serkis in a human role). The special effects are well above average. The makeup is quite good. And there is enough action, suspense and humor to really keep just about everyone interested in the picture.Ultimately, a great film that received too little publicity at the time of its release. Hopefully it is not too late to save it from obscurity.

For 4 years it was laying on the shelve 'not seen' at my place. finally i had a look at it and I must say that it enjoyed me a lot. As a comedy it doesn't fulfill but as a horror it does deliver.Due it rather started as a crime flick it quickly turns into a comedy when the hijacked girl Tracey (Jennifer Ellison) goes berserk and turns against the hijackers Peter (Reece Shearsmith), the nerd and David (Andy Serkis), the brain. From there on you can't see what's coming and slowly it turns into a gory flick. If you just can stand the first 10 minutes then you're into a nice flick.But it is the combination of Tracey, Peter and David that works here in this flick. They all gave a sublime acting and it's weird to see that Jennifer stopped also in 2008 with acting. Of course Reece already came from a comedy/horror Shaun Of The Dead (2004). Andy of course we knew from doing voice overs for the ape Ceasar in Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (2011) and in TinTin (2011) as the Hadock voice. Don't go watching it for the icon Doug Bradley, he's only a few minutes in it. But do watch it for the gore and funny situations. ExcellentGore 3/5 Nudity 0/5 Effects 4/5 Story 4/5 Comedy 1/5