Ninja Terminator (1985)

Strong and Moving!

Boring

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very long time. You have to go and see this on the big screen.

I have just watched Ninja Terminator on DVD (which cost me less than a packet of crisps) and I have to say "WOW". I have no idea what just happened. But what I do know is that it involved a jaguar, a woman's blond wig on a bearded Japanese man, robotic toy robots that manage to walk right into peoples houses, a golden action man with swords, martial arts (and/or gymnastics), stylish ninja jogging, ponchos of various colours, less blood than a heavily censored episode of the teletubbies, and some kind of plot ...or two.For those wondering what a "Ninja Terminator" is, I can tell you this- I have just watched the movie and I still have no idea! The name of this film is justified by dubbing in one line that says "...and I am the ninja terminator!" at a really random point. Other more suitable names could have been: "The man with the golden wig", or "insert name here".This movie is about as "B" as a b-movie can get, without buzzing around the room stinging things. It's getting a 10 out of 10 for being the best crappiest movie I've ever seen --with the exception of Jack Frost (the killer snowman), but that's a whole different genre, and a different kind of 'cult'.Ninja Terminator. Get it, watch it, laugh at it.

I have seen way too many Joseph Lai/Godfrey Ho ninja movies, and most are completely unwatchable. About 1/10 may have something decent in it. Luckily, Ninja Terminator is one of those in the minority. The dialogue is so bad that it is actually good. It is laugh out loud funny at times, but I don't think it was supposed to be. If you can make it through a script that seems to have been written by a 5 year old, you may be able to make it through this. It doesn't help that this is 3 movies spliced together, and it doesn't make any sense. But if you love bad movies, you can't pass up this masterpiece of horrible cinema. In one scene, the bad guy uses a toy robot to send a message to Richard Harrison. The toy robot arrives with smoke and can talk. Godfrey Ho really wanted to show off his $5 budget. And if you like to see people kick a lot, you will get plenty of that. Jack Lam (named Jaguar Wong in the movie) and Hwang Jang Lee give great kicking displays. Hwang only participates in the final fight, but Jack Lam gets to show off his kicking skills throughout the entire movie.I have the Videoasia DVD and the picture quality is decent, and the English dubbing is classic. Sometimes a guy will have a redneck voice, and sometimes it will sound like a little kid. Fans of cheesy movies will love this Godfrey Ho classic. "I don't usually smoke this brand, but I'll do it for you."

If anybody has sat down to watch a decent Jackie Chan or Bruce Lee film and thought to themselves 'Hold on, you know what would make this better? Really bad ninja fighting that has little to do with the actual story, a story that makes absolutely no sense, and some of the most random quirkiness ever witnessed on screen, that'd make a GREAT film!' Then Ninja Terminator may be the film for them.However, if they added to that 'Also, I'd like to see a love scene set to Pink Floyd's Echoes, twice, and perhaps a guy in a blonde wig for no reason at all'. Then 1) Ninja Terminator IS for them and 2) They have uncanny and ultra-specific pre-cognitive powers.Ninja Terminator takes the whole 'so bad it's good' movie ethos to stratospheric levels, even beyond movies like Troll 2. What works here is the movie that Godfrey Ho is tacking his usual ninja battles onto is just about as crazy as the ninja battles themselves. I swear, there must be a kung fu fight every five minutes or so, each of them getting increasingly stranger until the penultimate fight on the beach (followed only, of course, by the bizarre ninja showdown).Without going into specifics and spoiling things, I'll make a vague-ish list of what's nuts about this film: 1) Pink Floyd and Tangerine Dream on the soundtrack. 2)Split second ninja costume changes 3) Weird use of children's toys 4) Crabs 5) Pawning jackets 6) Random jacket changes 7) Feet that dig sand 8) Dramatic wig removal 9) etc etc...I've watched a few of these ninja films so far, and it's by far the greatest one I've seen.By the way, if you like actual good films, just reverse everything I've said and take it as a warning.

This is the most fantastically spectacular movie i have ever seen...well well well worth a viewing, and repeat viewings, if only to try and figure out the following conundrums: 1. Why does the villain wear a blonde woman's wig? 2. Why does the ninja attack a man with several guns with a slingshot + folded piece of paper? 3. Why does he have a Garfield phone??? 4. Crabs???!! 5. HARRY and BARRY the ninjas????????and a camouflage ninja-suit?(genius) What a movie...And I love his tennis suit, which he wears during morning ninja-workouts. And the amazing special effects, such as reversing a backflip off a ledge to make it look like a frontflip onto said ledge...