Machete Kills (2013)

Save your money for something good and enjoyable

good back-story, and good acting

Absolutely the worst movie.

This film is so real. It treats its characters with so much care and sensitivity.

What a terrible mess it may as well be a loony tunes episode!!! The first film is Excellent & a revenge Action Thriller but this sequel is a STUPID spoof, just TERRIBLE

OK, not really true what with the violence, objectification of women, and the explosions, but this movie is absolutely great. Ol' Bobby Rodriguez still has his touch. This is definitely one of the great movies of the 21st century. It will hold a place near the top of the list of great films of our time. Machete Kills is a modern marvel of cinematic achievement. A high water mark of film making and civilization itself. This movie has it all: action, suspense, beautiful scantly clad women, explosions, disguises, nuclear bombs, and a cast of stars. It also provides quality instruction on how to hold, swing, carry, and use a machete in extreme situations. I found myself taking notes and practicing moves while watching this movie on repeat in my living room. In fact, by the Machete School of Mexican Arts rules and regulations, I am a red belt! This movie is the best and everyone should watch it.

Continuing my plan to watch every Mel Gibson movie in order, I come to Machete Kills (2013)Plot In A Paragraph: The U.S. government recruits Machete (Danny Trejo) to battle his way through Mexico in order to take down an arms dealer (Gibson) who looks to launch a weapon into space.In nothing more than a glorified cameo (Playing a villain on screen for the first time) Gibson hams it up in full pantomime villain mode, playing essentially a Bond villain. We don't even see him until the hour mark. How you view Machete Kills will totally depend on your frame of mind when you watch it, and how you feel about B movies in general. I was in the mood for something silly, and I enjoyed it's craziness!! Like an Expendables movie, this is loaded with stunt casting that looks like they were filmed over a couple of days!! Jessica Alba, Vanessa Hudgens, Cuba Gooding Jr, Lady GaGa, a grown up Alexa Vega (who only has one line throughout the film, but what a bum she has!!) and Sofia Vergara and her double D's. It amused me to see Charlie Sheen credited under his real name, Carlos Estevez (He even has an "introducing" billing lol )Machete Kills tanked at the domestic box office, only grossing $7 million dollars. Which sadly ended the franchise before we got to see 'Machette Kills Again In Space' which is a shame as I thought it looked hilariously entertaining.

I love Machete. The character is incredible, the premise is perfect, literally everything about it just screams B-movie stupidity, and it's insanely awesome. I actually saw this movie before the first Machete so I wasn't sure what to expect, and I laughed until it hurt. Seriously, it was everything I wanted in a silly action movie. Machete Kills is somehow even more ridiculous than the first one, this time with president Charlie Sheen ordering Machete to go after a lunatic nuclear arms dealer played to perfection by Demian Bichir, and Mel Gibson wants to destroy the world and colonize space. Yeah, and you thought De Niro playing George Bush was crazy. Mel Gibson is basically a Bond villain in this movie. This is another revenge story, except this time it's Machete's love interest Jessica Alba who is killed in front of him. Needless to say when President Sheen asks him to go on this suicide mission, Machete isn't exactly in the best frame of mind. Then again, it's f*cking Danny Trejo, so he's awesome at it anyway. The first half of the movie focuses more on Machete going after this crazy arms dealer, with random villains like Sofia Vergara with machine gun tits coming after him. There's also the shapeshifter El Cameleon played by Cuba Gooding Jr, Lady Gaga, and Antonio Banderas. Literally the best plot device to get as many famous people in a movie as possible. Then Mel kicks in during the second half of the movie and that's where it goes full-on ridiculous mode (in the best way, as if it wasn't ridiculous enough before).After seeing Machete and Machete Kills back to back, I realize the only thing that makes Machete Kills slightly weaker is that the laughs aren't as consistent. Machete had me on the floor 90 percent of the time. Machete Kills is more like, 70 percent hilarity and 30 percent of jokes that either don't hit or are just repeated to the point of desensitization. Still, when the jokes hit, they are laugh-out-loud funny. There are gags in this movie that make the original Machete look like a documentary. Oh, and Amber Heard is the special agent helping Machete this time, and she tries to do an accent every once in a while and fails miserably, but who cares because she's sex on a stick. That's basically the trend in these movies. You try to analyze something and then think to yourself, "Who cares?" It's so damn entertaining you don't have to think at all. Just lay back and enjoy the gratuitous violence, T&A, and everything else you'd want in a ridiculous action-packed B-movie. I, for one, cannot wait for the sequel.