Samson and Delilah (1984)

Overrated and overhyped

Brilliant and touching

Yo, there's no way for me to review this film without saying, take your *insert ethnicity + "ass" here* to see this film,like now. You have to see it in order to know what you're really messing with.

Watching it is like watching the spectacle of a class clown at their best: you laugh at their jokes, instigate their defiance, and "ooooh" when they get in trouble.

As a horror fan, I have been known to appreciate the occasional biblical epic, many a yarn from 'the good book' delivering as much sex, violence and general chaos as your average scary movie. This made-for-TV version of the oft-told tale Samson and Delilah has been watered down a bit for the medium, but there is still plenty to enjoy here, even if some of it is for the unintentional laughs.Dancer turned actor Antony Hamilton may have batted for the other side in real life, but he is convincingly macho here as the Hebrew beefcake with the flowing locks who stupidly puts his trust in promiscuous Philistine Delilah (sultry brunette Belinda Bauer). The supporting cast is also pretty damn good, with Max von Sydow as nasty Philistine governor Sidka, a young(ish) Daniel Stern as Samson's best bud Micah, and Cecil B. DeMille's Samson, Victor Mature, in a small role as the hero's father.As usual with this type of film, treachery and deceit abounds, the innocent tend to wind up dead, there are bloody battles galore, and a unquestionable faith in God helps in defeating the bad guys. Considering its humble origins (this is no massive Hollywood extravaganza by any means) the production values aren't too shabby, with decent sets and costumery; some cheap props, however, lead to some of that aforementioned hilarity, funniest bits being Samson's fight with a lion-skin rug and his smiting of an army with the rubber jaw-bone of an ass.

Okay but not entirely satisfying TV account of the life & times of Samson, the last judge of Israel who dared to love the very Philistine women whose male counterparts he was supposed to defend his people from, slayed his enemies with the jawbone of an ass (donkey/mule), lost his mighty strength thanks to the machinations of the lovely yet devious Delilah, was blinded, cast into slavery by his enemies who then shamed and humiliated him every chance they got afterwards... until he tore down their temple, killing himself in the process. Granted, the other versions didn't get everything right either.As the title character, the late Antony Hamilton (an openly gay/homosexual actor & former ballet dancer who sadly died of AIDS at the tender age of 43 in 1995) certainly looks the part in terms of his physique. Like Eric Thal in the Samson TV film made in 1996 (a year after Hamilton died) unlike the movie Samson of 1949, the late Victor Mature (who died in 1999 and had a cameo in this TV film as the father of Samson, his first in many years since he retired from the film business and ultimately his last as he returned to retirement soon after), the 6'2" golden boy Hamilton actually was muscular and athletic looking, whereas Mature was just stocky/bulky looking. And yet, despite his superior physique and overall sincere performance, Hamilton lacked the magnetism that Victor Mature exuded so effortlessly, even though Hamilton was probably the better actor (a case Mature himself would not have argued over, as Mature knew he wasn't exactly the greatest actor in the world anyway).Belinda Bauer is seductively beautiful as Delilah, though one has to wonder: why is Delilah always given so much screen time when her actual part in the story, while crucial, was very small in the Bible.Max Von Sydow and the other actors carry themselves well enough.The production values waver between acceptable to ridiculous (the jawbone Samson uses to slay his enemies is way too big), though the final scene where Samson tears down the temple is pretty impressive.

What a truly atrocious movie! Even the 1950s shtick biblical epics (Samson with Victor Mature, Solomon with Yul Brunner) failed to observe the exact biblical accounts too, but that didn't give the producers the permission to come up with tacky, poor quality movies as a result. Samson And Delilah should be seen as an exercise in how to make the worst B-movie in human history and hope that it sells. I'd shudder to think which TV network would've aired this nonsense. Firstly, the music comes across as a soundtrack made for some low-grade 1940s movie, which was resurrected and dusted off for this film. Wide shots of the Nevada desert or Grand Canyon overlay a crummy narration about the Israelites and Phillistines living in Gaza. Since when did Gaza look like Arizona!? The camera-work is poor quality. The actors are accomplished and therefore deliver a passable performance, but are severely limited by the quality of the whole product. When Samson fights the lion, shots of a real lion and close-ups with a stuffed prop with lipstick red lips are inter cut. Give me a break! When Samson fights Sidqa's forces with the ass's jawbone, he's supposed to slaughter a thousand men, but in this version he dispatches about fifty while Von Sydow and his sidekick watch stiffly in the hammiest fight scene in movie history. If I could vote 0/10 I would. Truly appalling.

This movie heralded the "introduction" of bona fide Australian adonis Antony Hamilton, though he had done television and a low budget cult film, "Nocturna" previously. Hamilton in various stages of undress is the only reason to watch this film -- which is a good enough one -- though in the version I saw some of the body parts were vaselined out. The dialogue is 20th century American dreck; Victor Mature, the movie star Samson, gives an embarrassing performance eating a chicken leg; and Belinda Bauer is no Hedy Lamarr and let's face it, Hedy Lamarr was not the most exciting actress to hit the screen, even if she was one of the most beautiful. This movie concentrates on bodies making out in the pool, a near-naked Samson getting tossed into the lake by his buddies, love-making between nearly naked Samson and nearly naked Delilah and good looks at Samson's muscles throughout. As far as I'm concerned, this is a no miss, having nothing whatsoever to do with the story. It is depressing, however, to realize that Hamilton died at such a young age and, all kidding aside, that is a very sad loss.