Yor, the Hunter from the Future (1983)

Simply A Masterpiece

How sad is this?

It's an amazing and heartbreaking story.

Although I seem to have had higher expectations than I thought, the movie is super entertaining.

"He is from a future world. Trapped in prehistoric times. Searching for his past. A hunter of incredible power and strength. In his quest for his origin, he and the woman he loves must fight hostile tribes. Battle deadly beasts. And try to survive the violent forces of a newly born Earth."The first time I saw the trailer for this movie, – at the long-lost to a tornado Spotlite 88 Drive-In in 1983 – I exclaimed to my father, "We have to see this movie. It has to be the best movie ever."He replied, "It looks like a piece of sh*t."34 years later, I am here to tell you that my father was completely correct. He also couldn't be more wrong.Face facts — I cannot hate this movie. It's too insane and obviously made by maniacs who have no concern whatsoever for rational narrative structure to throw bon mots at. If this was made as an art film, people would celebrate the incongruity and sheer madness of it all. Because it's an Italian exploitation film — nonetheless one distributed in the US by Columbia Pictures — it gets looked down on as a load of feces. Which it surely is. But it aspires to be so much more.Please note: as you read this — and if you haven't seen Yor — you may wondering, how much stuff is in this movie? And once you read this, you'll wonder how so much can happen in just 88 minutes. Consider me a witness. I have watched this movie three times in one day just to confirm that yes, so much stuff happens in this movie. Literally, twenty movies worth of crazy happens in this movie.When we meet Yor (played by Reb Brown, TV's Captain America, the blondest man who ever lived), he's jumping all over a prehistoric desert (which is really Turkey, but please, let's not quibble. Let's stop being so snarky and just give way to the majesty which is Yor) until he runs into the luscious Kala, played by Corinne Cléry from Moonraker and The Story of O, and her old man protector Pag, who we of the before time know as Luciano Pigozzi from Blood and Black Lace. They're out hunting and start playing with a little dinosaur when a bigger one attacks them. Luckily, Yor has his axe and goes buckwild on the stego beast, making it bleed everywhere. Seriously — I have never seen a dinosaur with a crimson mask before.Look out, Yor! After the battle, everyone begins to celebrate and Yor proves why he's a little bit different than your average barbarian hero. He just starts lapping up the blood pouring out of this prehistoric beastie. Keep in mind, nearly everyone else is tripping out as this happens. He ignores them and just keeps on drinking blood. It's also worth noting that this monster is made from some of Italy's finest papier mache.YOR: YAAAAAAA! Drink! Drink it!KALA: It burns like fire!YOR: The blood of your enemy makes you stronger! Drink!PAG: I'd rather stay weak.YOR: I'm Yor the Hunter. I come from the high mountain. Help me cut the choice meats.That's how we meet Yor — running at full speed down a mountain until he kills a dinosaur, drinks its blood and cuts up the choice meats. I wish that I had a butcher pattern of a dinosaur showing me where the best cuts are so that I start serving it properly.Everyone asks about Yor's medallion — yeah, your boy is sporting a total 70s style gold piece — and a wizened old man smartens everyone up: "I have seen a similar medallion. Beyond the mountains it is worn by a woman who lives among the desert people. I have seen it glint on her chest when the sun's rays strike it. She is the daughter of the gods. They say she descended to the earth in a tongue of fire." Kala is like, um, alright, so, welcome to my village, we have some travelogue mondo style footage to show you here, so can we drop the Erich von Däniken sh*t? And with that, we're in the village. No one in this movie asks questions all that often. In fact, stuff just seems to happen to the main characters. And by stuff, I mean senseless death and destruction. PTSD does not exist in the world of Yor.After Yor takes in Kala's Paleolithic-era twerking, blue-skinned cavemen attack the village. They kidnap everyone but Pag, Yor and Kala. If you're wondering how, in this hero's journey, why said hero can blunder on such a monumental level, let me inform you: you ain't seen nothing yet.

It's great. It's TERRIBLE, and it's obviously a hacked together movie outta a TV show, but so? You have-Caveman Ray guns, bad rubber suited monsters, bad Star Wars type baddies, robots, fakey jungle settings, goofy UngaBunga stuff at the start, bad starlet acting, Reb Brown making Ahnold look like Brando.It's also a fun time to be had. It hits every cliché in the Conan genre flick right on the nose, and then some. It fails miserably on about every level save for you having an MSTK3 matinée any time you watch it.The Italians gotta be absolutely bonkers to make something like this. You've gotta be bonkers to watch it. And you'll thank me for seeing it if you haven't. It's a good time despite itself.** for the Cavemen ray guns and the rubber dinos.

This film was not the best movie ever made, but as far as the Conan clones that came out in other countries this one was certainly not the worst of that bunch. It tries to do some different things for a movie of its types while doing some of the things these types of movies are known for mainly the giant puppet monsters and the completely off the wall scenes like hang gliding with a flying dinosaur. What is a super cool caveman who questions who he is supposed to do? The movie goes by quick, I am guessing they knew it was not an award winning masterpiece or anything so keep it short and simple and throw in a really strange yet catchy theme song to really get the audience going. Or to make them more confused as you find out the strange truth behind Yor the hunter from the future, something tells me he is related to the Robot Ghost of Christmas Past From The Future of Aqua Teen Hungar force fame. Still, you have some interesting things to see here, there is action and you get to watch as they just launch a super powered jet as an explosion occurs cuing yet another round of that strange song that is most highly energetic. No, it is no masterpiece (let's face it Reb Brown is the star of this one), but it is bad enough to be rather entertaining in its own strange little way.

Ah, memories, sweet memories. I recall pulling into the movie theater parking lot with scant seconds to spare before YOR was to begin. I wanted to see YOR because of its title. It also was the only movie starting when we arrived, to be truthful. YOR was magnificently, superbly bad and one of the worst Italian muscle men films in history. And since this was released in the 1980s, our Italian friends threw in a little STAR WARS shtick in the second half for good measure. Reb "Captain America" Brown as Yor is an insult to actors everywhere. The special effects are laughable, on a par with a high school production. Everything you have read elsewhere about this film is true. I still can recall Brown fighting the head -- but not the body -- of a raptor and some bizarre gliding nonsense and a poorly executed laser battle near the end. I have seen some real stinkers in my time, but this one pretty much takes the cake. My wife and I and company snorted and chortled our way through the whole thing, which beat crying. YOR is a must-see for Z-grade film lovers everywhere! Remember those awful sword and sorcery flicks with the guy who played Tarzan in the late 70s? Remember that particular Tarzan flick? YOR is worse. But entertaining in a trashy way.