The Captain Hates the Sea (1934)

Waste of time

It’s fine. It's literally the definition of a fine movie. You’ve seen it before, you know every beat and outcome before the characters even do. Only question is how much escapism you’re looking for.

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

They drink, they dance, they drink some more. They romance some, then drink. It's highball after horse's neck after the ship's best Irish. Then, they drink. Captain Walter Connelly already seems like he's had a few shooters when he accuses assistant Leon Errol of being drunk. Who should come aboard ship but silent screen has-been, playing, guess what, a disillusioned journalist on a seemingly endless bender. When meddlesome nouvo riche Alison Skipworth shows up at the captains it table and proceeds to rearrange the seating, more drinks flow, simply to make her somewhat tolerable. By the time this cruise is only half way done, the ensemble of this pre- code comedy will have more booze in them than a hillbilly's still.There are far too many characters and story lines going on to sustain interest in this poverty row attempt to emulate MGM's "Grand Hotel" and "Dinner at Eight". At the time, Columbia wasn't among the five majors, but it's obvious from this, that they were working on increasing that number. In its 90 minute length, it focuses on the fight over stolen bonds, the revelation over the secrets of a married woman with a past, attempted suicide and a revolution in a third world country. And that's not between drinks, but during them.Among the ensemble are Victor MacLaglen, Helen Vinson, Wynne Gibson and Fred Keating. Character performers Donald Meek and Walter Catlett offer some amusement. There are some very clever lines, and Connelly is hysterically funny as the cynical title character. But when a film has this much going on, it should come with character cards to describe who is who and how they are involved in the story. And considering how much booze flows, a wine list wouldn't be bad, either.

Most of the actors in this film are second-string actors or people like John Gilbert whose careers are in decline. That's because this film was made by Columbia Pictures--either a very low-budget major studio or the best of the 'Poverty Row' film studios depending on your perspective. Columbia managed to create a lot of lower budget films during the 1930s and 40s and despite lower costs, the writing and acting tended to be pretty good.In many ways, this is a soapy film whose structure is a lot like MGM's prestige film "Grand Hotel"--but set to sea and with these less famous actors. There are many different characters, plots and some romance all thrown together--and now that I think about it, it's even a bit reminiscent of "The Love Boat"--but with less love! I think the best thing about this movie is the cast. John Gilbert has long been unfairly maligned for having a weak voice--though I have never seen a talking picture in which his voice was thin. Despite being a hard-core drinker and nearing a very premature death, he still was in top form here. I also loved seeing Walter Connelly--a wonderful character actor who also unfortunately also had a life shortened by drink. Additionally, Victor McLaglen and several other good actors are on hand. But to me the biggest surprise was seeing tiny cameos by by the Three Stooges as members of a three-man band. What made this particularly interesting is that they played these roles straight--and with their non-Stooge hairstyles, it's hard to see that it's even them! Now placing them in these roles really wasn't that big a stretch. The team had only been with Columbia a short time and they still were relative unknowns--and I'm sure the studio had no idea what to do with them--especially because MGM never really hit on a formula for the boys--prompting their exodus to this new studio.Overall, it's an enjoyable little film despite it's unimpressive pedigree.

Captain Hates the Sea, The (1934) ** (out of 4)Disappointing comedy has pretty much been forgotten by everyone except for die-hard film buffs who will probably remember the film not for its quality but due to it running over budget thanks in large part to a cast full of drunks who spent more time drinking than actually acting. The GRAND HOTEL type story takes place on a ship where we get several small stories including a P.I. (Victor McLaglen) tracking some stolen bonds, a writer (John Gilbert) suffering from alcoholism and of course a Captain (Walter Connally) who is constantly making the life of his steward (Leon Errol) a mess. For a comedy this thing really lacks any laughs and perhaps the funniest quote took place off the film. If legend is true, Columbia president Harry Cohn telegraphed director Milestone saying, 'Return to studio. The cost is staggering.' The director would reply, "So is the cast!" Who knows if that's the truth or not but it's certainly funnier than anything else in this film, which is a shame because we're given a very talented cast and most turn in fine performances but in the end there's just not much anyone could do with this screenplay. Considering the troubled production, who knows if there was more to this story that hit the cutting room floor but we're left with a pretty big mess. It seems that the film struggles to connect all the stories but that doesn't matter too much because none of them are overly interesting. I'd say the most interesting one deals with Gilbert but at the same time you have to question why he was given this part. Well, considering John Barrymore was a major alcoholic and ended up spoofing it in his later films I guess you can see why director Milestone would want Gilbert for this role. He certainly looks in pretty rough shape and appears to have aged fifteen-years from what he looked like in a few of his earlier talkies but at the same time he's certainly giving it his all and actually manages to turn in a memorable performance, which would be his last. McLaglen will put a smile on your face in a few of the scenes as will Errol who is constantly getting into trouble. Alison Skipworth, Donald Meeks, Wayne Gibson, Fred Keating and Helen Vinson are some of the supporting performers and they too deliver fine work. The Three Stooges appear as band members but the studio gives them very little to do. In the end, this is a real disappointment considering the talent involved but I'm sure film buffs will get some mild entertainment out of seeing all these familiar faces in one place.

A rather innocuous comedy The Captain Hates The Sea marked the farewell performance for silent screen star John Gilbert. After failing to make a comeback with his greatest co-star Greta Garbo in Queen Christina, Gilbert was given his walking papers by MGM. He was fourth billed in this film whose star was Victor McLaglen.Given the incredibly good cast of familiar character players The Captain Hates The Sea should have been a lot better than it was. But it's hampered by a confusing script.The main plot line involves former cop now turned private detective Victor McLaglen after some stolen bonds and he believes that Fred Keating and Helen Vinson have them. If one is used to seeing McLaglen as some of the oafish characters he played in later John Ford films, you'll be in for a surprise. He's by no means a dummy in The Captain Hates The Sea, though he does think a bit with his male member when it comes to Vinson.John Gilbert who by this time had descended into alcoholism in real life is cast as a dissolute playboy looking to take the cure on the sea voyage. It was a part hitting too close to home, but that may have been the reason he was so good in it.Another story line involves married couple John Wray and Wynne Gibson. She was a woman of easy virtue whose self righteous husband never lets her forget it.Such familiar people as Walter Catlett, Donald Meek, Alison Skipworth and even the Three Stooges get their moments in the film. Presiding over all of this is Captain Walter Connolly who is constantly berating steward Leon Errol. Leon Errol who was born in Australia in the only time I ever heard him on film actually uses an accent from the land of his birth. Which makes me wonder if that was his natural speech or did he lose it in his years on stage and screen on both sides of the pond and only recall it for this film.With such a colorful cast of familiar players The Captain Hates The Sea should be viewed. You'll probably like it as I did, but can see definite room for improvement.