Play-Mate of the Apes (2002)

Excellent, Without a doubt!!

A waste of 90 minutes of my life

A Major Disappointment

It’s not bad or unwatchable but despite the amplitude of the spectacle, the end result is underwhelming.

This movie seems to be playing on cable all the time. It's a very cheesy parody of "Planet of the Apes". The jokes are extremely silly and corny. But I must admit that the sex scenes are kind of hot especially the ones with Misty Mundae and the all out orgy towards the end. These are the kind of movies that back in the 1960's would have played in "adults only" theaters. Plenty of soft-core action and bad attempts at humor. Will probably be enjoyed best with a six pack of beer.

As movies go, it stinks. But it's so campy, it's worth watching for the skin & the laughs. It's like a Grade B mix of "Planet of the Apes" and a version of the 1959 "Immoral Mr. Teas".Put the kids to bed, kick back, pop the top on a couple cold ones, & enjoy it.

So what can you do with 5 women who are willing to do very bad lesbian pseudo-porn, a dozen guys and all the leftover ape masks from the local halloween shop? Make this movie. Its bad, its supposed to be bad, but wow is this bad. If it weren't for Misty Mundae playing a girl stuck in a bad film, i might have simply turned it off, but she's actually funny and worth watching, (most of the rest of the film isnt).

Are you sure this wasn't the latest installment of that lesbian porno franchise "Where The Boys Aren't"? If you don't know what HLA means, it means "Hot Lesbian Action", and there was plenty of it in this flick. These women like nothing more than to have girl-on-girl fun from beginning to end. Granted, I haven't seen a film on Skinemax that had this many girl-girl scenes (usually there's only one or two a film, if that), but the funny sequences and the tongue-in-cheek dialogue scores points with me.It starts out with three women from Earth cruising in outer space. Commander Gaylor, the star of the film (Misty Mundae, who looks like she's 15, honestly) is asleep in her chair. Lt. Fornication, a blonde with huge knockers (Sharon Engert) and Lt. Pushkintucushkin, a tall European girl with silver hair (Anoushka) start the girl-girl fun with a scene right off the bat.Lt. Fornication begins screaming loudly, flailing her left hand dangerously close to a button that....and I'm just guessing here....does something wrong. This wakes up the commander, but it's too late....they crash land on a planet filled with apelike creatures who stand upright and talk like humans.If you haven't realized it yet, this movie is a spoof of "Planet Of The Apes." If the title didn't tell you that, well....by now you'd know.What follows are tests and demonstrations on the now-captured trio by the apes, who have hilarious dialogue. Of course, this doesn't stop our three lovelies from having sex with each other at the drop of a hat. The apes also seem to have another woman captive, Dr. Cornholeous (Debbie Rochon, YOUR scream queen of the future). Don't worry, she has sex with the girls too.Further on in the film, we find our three gals running through the forest (this time they've got clothes on, earlier in the film they're naked) when they stumble upon a Barbarian Queen, a good-looking brunette with huge knockers (Shelby Taylor). From here we have even more girl-girl sex, culminating with a four-way love fest with all the ladies involved.There's a funny scene about 2/3 of the way through where the women are rapping...yes, I said it, rapping. If there's one scene you've gotta see, it's this one.I'm not nitpicking here, but it seems that some of the sex scenes just seemed to go a bit too long. Maybe it's because of the exaggerated movement, but a few of them did seem that way. Seeing big boobs all over the place made up for that, though.The ending was pretty anticlimactic, but that's alright....I really didn't expect this film to have much of an ending.Women: A+ (There were five principal women in this film, and all of them brought that little "something extra". For those guys who like women who look like, but aren't teenagers, there's Misty. For those who are suckers for big boobs, like me, there's Shelby Taylor and Sharon Engert. For those who like the exotic types, there's the tall, leggy Anoushka. Did I forget about Debbie Rochon? Well, she's here too. There's something for everyone here!)Sex: A- (It's all girl-girl, but it's still something. A few scenes seemed to drag on ad infinitum, which means I gotta take off 2/3 of a point. The number of three-ways and that four-way toward the end keeps the grade high.)Story: C (I'll be generous and give this film a Story grade of C. The writers of this script must be commended for throwing enough funny moments in there to break up the "monotony" of sex scene after sex scene. At least these writers acknowledge that the plot IS a vehicle to link the sex scenes together. For that, you folks get a C.)Overall: B+ (This was a funny film, despite the sex scenes that seemed to go on forever. Can we get some more women in softcore who look like Shelby Taylor and Sharon Engert? Please? I'll be looking for more Seduction Cinema flicks in the near future if they're as entertaining as this one.)