SnakeMan (2005)

Best movie of this year hands down!

Sadly Over-hyped

The movie's neither hopeful in contrived ways, nor hopeless in different contrived ways. Somehow it manages to be wonderful

The thing I enjoyed most about the film is the fact that it doesn't shy away from being a super-sized-cliche;

What a horrible, horrible thing they have done! The producers of this piece of trash, I mean. A ridiculous plot, amateurish FX and easily the worst acting I've seen in a long while. Let's be honest here, Stephen Baldwin can't act to save his life. I've seen more emotion from a block of wood than he displays at any time during this entire debacle. The only mildly redeeming part of this whole mess is Jayne Heitmeyer, who is not only a more skilled actor than Baldwin, but is not bad looking, either.The FX are, as stated, amateurish at best. A giant multi-headed fake snake likes to eat people. What's worse, it likes to pick them up by their legs and then the other heads join in, having a tug of war with the hapless prey until the screaming victim is ripped in half, then everyone gets a piece. Or, sometimes it picks them up and tosses them into the air in a complete flip before catching them and swallowing them in one gulp. If that isn't ridiculous enough, how about a remote tribe of natives who wear nothing but loincloths and pointy straw hats but whose chief speaks English like a Harvard grad? The Brazilian jungle scenes are striking but I've got to believe that the rest of the one million dollar budget for this stinker was spent on craft service. My only regret (beside actually watching this crapfest), is that I can't give it a lower rating than 1/10.

Snake King is one of the dumbest movies I have ever stumbled upon. The CGI has somewhat improved over other giant snake movies like Boa and Python, but is still pretty bad. The plot is bad and somewhat ripped off from Anacondas (a decent snake movie. The acting is also not very good either (although Stephan Baldwin did an acceptable job, although he was the only one). Snake King may look like it could be a pretty decent low-budget snake movie and at first, I thought it was going to be, but boy was I surprised. Like I said, this movie has several ripoffs from Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid, which was released the year earlier and became a moderately successful snake movie. This movie totally rips off it. First off, a scientific team recovers a specimen from the Amazon (like the first orchid found) and they learn that it (a human corpse in a tomb) was hundreds of years old before it died. And they learned that it was the Fountain of Youth (like how the Orchid promotes longer lifespans). So, a team is sent down into the Amazon to recover more of this life-extending substance so that they can sell it (another ripoff). And they run into a gigantic snake, although this one's a gigantic creature with multiple heads (not very convincing actually). On their trip down, they come across the village of Amazonians (ripoff again), but this time it's got people in it, who worship the giant snake. Eventually, most of the team wants to just get out of the Amazon, while one wants to continue (just like in Anacondas). And the snake kills off him and all who follow him. And speaking of the Amazonians, they totally ruined the plot. For a while, the story is concentrated on the snake and then it goes right to the dumb and boring people who worship it and stays with them until the ending, where the snake finally reappears. And what's more, it doesn't get killed. Overall, Snake King is a dumb movie that tried to be what Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid was, but failed miserably.

I watched it on the sci-fi channel. I couldn't help laughing at the special effects and the story line. Stephen Baldwin was horrible in it! Bad acting overall from everyone in the movie! Sci-Fi should be sick with themselves about this load of garbage! The story goes pretty much like this, Some researchers go out in search of a fountain of youth that is supposedly somewhere in the jungle. But there is one problem though, to get to the so-called fountain of youth water they have to get past the deadly predator (the snake king), or should we say CGI King. The storyline as I mentioned earlier is totally silly, the snake doesn't even attack some of the people for some reason, what's up with that, maybe he knows them (they must be buddies! Come on, please!) Also when the snake kills the people, it looks ridiculous. Also you never understand why the snake has 3 heads. Please don't waste your time with this garbage!

Someone at the Sci-Fi Channel must have thought making a movie about a giant, five-headed snake in the Amazon would make for a nifty monster movie. It probably could have if it hadn't been for the fact that the giant, five-headed snake is so huge that we generally only see one, two, or three heads on the screen at any given time. That is until the climax of the movie when all five are finally shown, albeit briefly, and even then you never really get a full body view of the creature to figure out how everything is interconnected. The movie establishes that the snake has a tail so they can't use the excuse of it having heads at both ends. I want to know where the hell the fourth and fifth heads disappeared to for the first three quarters of the movie. Were they on a smoke break? Were they given conscientious objector status for refusing to take part in the killing if innocent people? Were they off auditioning for a role in Python 3? Oh, but wait, there are still more problems with the giant, five-headed snake. Despite the fact that it appears to be big enough to give Godzilla a heck of a fight, this colossal, multi-headed snake is still able to hide undetected in the jungle brush until it's too late. The noise it makes when slithering through the jungle is minimal and keep in mind we are talking about an enormous monster with five-heads, each at least the size of an automobile. If it wasn't constantly roaring (This snake doesn't hiss. It roars.), then it would barely generate any noise at all. People are constantly running away before coming to a stop and looking up just in time for one of the heads to lurch down and nab them. Despite being gigantic it still consistently managed to not only move around unseen, it actually sneaks up on people.And if that wasn't enough, there are some serious continuity issues regarding the giant, five-headed snakes' size. It appears to suffer from Deep Star Six syndrome, and by that I mean its size changes depending on what is required of it in the scene. This is highlighted in the climax set inside its lair where it seems to shrink and enlarge at random. Each head is the size of an automobile and its cave entrance only appears big enough to fit one head and neck at a time so we don't even get an explanation as to how the thing even manages to get inside this cave chamber to begin with. Heck, at one point, this gargantuan serpent even manages to hide underwater in a small river just waiting to spring out and surprise someone. Good grief! These are just the problems with the monster. And don't argue suspension of disbelief because there is a huge difference between suspension of disbelief and insulting one's intelligence. Worst of all, the CGI used to bring the giant, five-headed snake is some of the least convincing I've ever seen in a Sci-Fi Channel movie, and believe me, that is really saying something.The fact that the monster turned out to be such a conceptual catastrophe is kind of a good thing because I'd hate to see a potentially cool movie monster wasted on a production as lame, formulaic, and downright dull as this stinker was. A complete waste of time and energy.