The Long Ships (1964)

Thanks for the memories!

Please don't spend money on this.

One of the worst movies I've ever seen

The best films of this genre always show a path and provide a takeaway for being a better person.

The name of Frans G. Bengtsson features on the credits. He must be turning in his grave. He was an outstanding Swedish writer, and the author of several novels and historical works, including an exciting best-seller, in two parts, which was translated into English as "The Long Ships", and into 22 other languages. This film, so far as I can tell, has virtually nothing whatsoever to do with that excellent book. The film does have a character called Krok, who bears no resemblance to his namesake in the book. Otherwise the whole production is a ghastly travesty.Richard Widmark was of Swedish descent, and he does look quite Swedish. However, he doesn't look anything like a Viking. His acting in this film is atrociously inappropriate. None of the other actors seem anything like Vikings or Moors, especially not Russ Tamblyn and Sidney Poitier, or any of the variegated British crowd. Leonard Rossiter and Lionel Jeffries for God's sake! Was this meant to be a comedy ? It's riddled with plot holes and serious impossibilities, including a bell made of solid gold, perhaps the least suitable metal for a bell, 18 foot tall.The film starts off immediately on the wrong note with an excruciating introductory narrative in a light, gentlemanly English voice, by an actor called Edward Judd. Strange that characters in films of this era, notably females, always have impeccable hairdos, even if they've just been dragged through a storm backwards. The wife of the head Moor (was that really Poitier ?) has an exceptionally dishy deshabille.Widmark is reported as having said of the shoot, which took place in Yugoslavia during the rule of Tito, that "It wasn't a happy time." That is apparent. It's an unhappy film. There are one or two good maritime scenes, hence the extra star. Made for uncritical ten year olds.

This 1964 effort from Jack Cardiff could (with some recasting) have been Monty Python and the Big Bell or Carry on Viking. Glum faced actors mouth woeful dialogue while the action scenes are so stagey and stilted they might as well have left the clapper board at the beginning of each one. All this is accompanied by the most discordant, ghastly "music" score by the justifiably obscure Dusan Radic. The golden bell manages to roll down a cliffside without a scratch or the slightest deformation while clanging all the way (gold is too soft to behave like this). All in all this falls into the category of "has to be seen to be believed".

Every Tale, fable, or legend has a basis in some small fact. In this film called " The Long Ships " we have a Viking reciting a legend which was once told to his people of a great bell which was as high as 'three tall men.' Said to have been created by the monks of Byzantium, in actuality, they had indeed cast one out of solid gold, but was small enough to be handed as a gift to the German emperor, for his personal chapel, during the middle ages. As with most 'fish' stories, the size of the bell grew with each retelling. For this movie, the seekers are Northmen, not Germanic knights as in the original tale. Still, the movie is entertaining enough due to the major stars in it. Here we have, Richard Widmark as Rolfe, a seafaring Viking who is captured by Aly Mansuh, the Moorish prince (Sidney Poitier) who threatens him with torture is he does not reveal its location. Then there is Russ Tamblyn as Orm, his very agile brother and then of course there is international star Oskar Homolka as Krok, who is their father. All in all, a good film, for an otherwise lazy afternoon. ****

I absolutely fell in love with this movie in 1964 at age 11. I saw it a dozen times in the 2 weeks it was at a local theater. The spectacle, action, humor, setting, characters totally absorbed me. I'm glad other viewers caught the humor. One of my all-time favorite movies. I have always had a fascination with Medieval History (Byzantium, North African Muslim, Spanish, Viking) and I think this movie contributed a lot to it. The setting in the vaguely North African "emirate" just did it totally for me. Richard Widmark was one of my first gay crushes (nice hairy chest) And I didn't realize until my 30's just how much I liked Colin Blakely. I wanted to be taken captive by a bunch of Vikings. I loved the scene where the Vikings took over the harem. Funny, very entertaining and just well choreographed.