Private Resort (1985)

best movie i've ever seen.

Best movie ever!

A waste of 90 minutes of my life

It is an exhilarating, distressing, funny and profound film, with one of the more memorable film scores in years,

Going by the standards of that genre known as the 1980s sex comedy, "Private Resort" is not one of the greats. Sure, it does tick off some of the boxes adequately, as there is plenty of girl-watching to enjoy (although, to be frank, there's more male nudity than there is female). And the script makes sure to include plenty of outrageous farcical situations in which to place our protagonists and antagonists. It's a gorgeous-looking picture in more ways than one, with very polished photography, and the pacing is acceptable enough to make the picture clock in at a fairly painless 82 minutes. It's not always terribly funny - in fact, sometimes it is lame and awkward - but it does have enough chuckle-worthy moments to make it an okay view.There are a notable amount of familiar faces here. Rob Morrow and Johnny Depp, right near the beginnings of their careers, are Ben and Jack, two young adults who are guests of the title locale. Their obvious mission is to score as much action as they can, but fate will have other things in store for them. The main story thread is that when Jack attempts to get it on with Bobbie Sue (Leslie Easterbrook, best known as Callahan in the "Police Academy" series), the two of them end up incurring the wrath of a supposedly professional jewel thief, "The Maestro" (Hector Elizondo).Rob and Johnny are lively and engaging, although it's been said that the two of them were so embarrassed by the movie that they vowed to track down and destroy every copy! Elizondo certainly does *look* embarrassed, but he still soldiers on admirably, and he and the rest of the cast do attempt to milk the material for as many laughs as they can. Emily Longstreth, Karyn O'Bryan, Hilary Shepard, Ms. Easterbrook, and Lisa London offer lots of eye candy, and it's also fun to see people like Dody Goodman, Michael Bowen, The Diceman (a.k.a. Andrew Clay), and Tony Azito."Private Resort" is no classic, but fans of the genre will likely be satisfied.Six out of 10.

Released in 1985, "Private Resort" stars Johnny Depp (who was only 21 during filming) and Rob Morrow as two adolescent guests at a Florida resort for the weekend. Their only interest is chasing beach beauties, but fate has much more in store for them.My title blurb is true: I've never seen such an assortment of bodacious babes in any other movie. I'll put it like this: Take any dozen similar-themed movies and I assure that "Private Resort" contains more beautiful women than all of them in just the first half hour! The top female, by the way, is the one with whom Andrew Dice Clay's character intends to cheat; the one the protagonists try to hide from the girlfriend in the apartment (it's impossible to pinpoint her name in the credits and, besides, I think she's uncredited). Second place goes to cutie Emily Longstreth, who plays Patti. Speaking of whom, she fell out of acting entirely by the 90s and reportedly fell into substance abuse, mental illness, and living in a homeless shelter in New York City. There's also credible reports that she died in January, 2015 (please correct me, if this isn't true). In any case, she shines here as Rob's potential girlfriend and shows-off her physical beauty in a white bikini in the last act.Aside from the women, there are a lot of compelling antics, like zany chases in the hotel and butchered haircuts. Despite the boys' obsession with babes, the movie drives home the point of landing the right female, who's beautiful inside and out. I've heard the movie criticized as misogynistic, but this is laughable in light of the focus on women and the celebration thereof. I suppose these critics object to the excessive and unnecessary top nudity and the like, which I agree with and this explains my somewhat mediocre rating. In other words, the women are incredible and this is a really fun beach comedy, but I can't in good conscience recommend it due to the tasteless elements.The move is short 'n' sweet at 82 minutes and was shot at Ocean Reef Club, Key Largo, Florida.GRADE: C+

Depp and Morrow play a pair of sexually starved teens who go to a very expensive Florida resort, with only one thing in mind.....Ladies.As you'd expect, things don't go as smoothly as planned in these sorts of films. Morrow falls for one of the waitresses, and Depp fancies another guest, but as her family are consumerist pig dogs, they wouldn't give him a second look unless he's a high paid professional....Add to the mix Hector Elizondo and Callahan from Police Academy as a couple bent on stealing a necklace, a security guard provided only for comic relief, Andrew Dice Clay as a stereotypical ladies man, and a young boy who is a bit of a pervert, you get a wannabe farce.These film were ten a penny in the eighties, the holiday comedy with a little bit of nudge, nudge, wink wink, cheeky cheeky thrown in.Summer Rental, Paradise Club, Fraternity Vacation, are just a few from a huge list, and they all have the same trope, the horny guys looking for a good time. Although in this movie, they are the centre of attention, but arguably the weakest characters in the movie.It's all the bonkers characters that appear in the rest of the film that elevates it from its mundane story line and narrative, from the weird Bill and Ted-esque stoner who comments on The Maestros ever decreasing appearance, to the barber. They are all absurd and bonkers, it makes the film more watchable.And come the final act,the makers realise that they have no idea how to end the movie, so they go for a Benny Hill type extended chase scene, that is admittedly, quite amusing.In the space of fifteen minutes we have cross dressing, buckets falling on heads, men mistaking men for women, a strong woman beating up a man, corridor chasing, gun fights that feel totally out of place, back injuries, and of course for no reason, pie throwing.But it's plot narrative really let's it down, as does its misogyny and borderline racism.But hey, it's still a bit of throwaway fun.

Obviously this isn't a movie to be taken seriously and it may even be arguably offensive to women but I would take 'Private Resort' any day over the supposed 'comedy' flicks that feature the likes of Adam Sandler and Seth Rogan. There isn't much in terms of story. It's pretty much about two young men in their early twenties who go to a private resort to get laid. Meanwhile a jewel thief looks to steal a diamond necklace from a martial arts expert grandmother. It's definitely very silly but highly amusing. There's plenty of slapstick and overall cheesiness but the humour works and it has the right energy. Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow's on-screen camaraderie is a delight to watch as they provide the funniest scenes. Both actors have come a long way since and it was fun to see them as their young selves playing horny kids. Hector Elizondo is funny too. There's plenty of nudity to keep the viewer further entertained. It also depicts the 80's fashion (with big puffy hair and funny clothes). Overall, it's a fun little flick that has some nostalgic value.