Repossessed (1990)

Thanks for the memories!

Absolutely the worst movie.

The performances transcend the film's tropes, grounding it in characters that feel more complete than this subgenre often produces.

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

My original viewing of Repossessed, back in 1990 (yes, I was one of those who stupidly paid to see this garbage at the cinema), was an experience far more disturbing than my first viewing of The Exorcist, the film it sets out to spoof (only 17 years too late): Leslie Nielsen's desperately unfunny antics and Linda Blair besmirching her own legacy prove far more difficult to endure than anything in William Friedkin's 1973 horror classic.Written and directed by Bob 'Meatballs 4' Logan, Repossessed is a succession of quick-fire gags that repeatedly fail to hit the target. Dated topical jokes and crap sight gags abound, Ned Beatty's career hits an all-time-low with a role as a TV evangelist, and wrestler Jesse Ventura proves even more cringe-worthy than he was in Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe (also 1990—what a great year that was for terrible Jesse Ventura movies!).It really is hard to believe how anyone ever considered any of this funny: the film makes the Scary Movie series seem like comedy gold by comparison, which is no mean feat. The finale, where Nielsen defeats the devil through the power of rock and roll, miming badly to a god-awful song while imitating several famous musicians, must go down as one of the single-most embarrassing attempts at humour I have ever witnessed.

Repossessed (1990) * 1/2 (out of 4) Seventeen years after having the Devil removed from her soul, adult Nancy Aglet (Linda Blair) finds herself possessed yet again so she brings back Father Mayii (Leslie Nelson) but this time a fake preacher (Ned Beatty) wants to put it on live television to make some money. A spoof of THE EXORCIST with Linda Blair returning and Nelson coming off THE NAKED GUN should have meant a sure-fire hit but sadly this is a rather boring, unfunny and at times painfully bad movie that probably had more cash in its eye than anything else. There's so much that could have been done with the material but this is a perfect example of why certain films work and why others don't. Stuff like AIRPLANE, HOT SHOTS and THE NAKED GUN work because of the talented screenwriters who make the jokes work. Writer-director Bob Logan simply doesn't get the material to work for a number of reasons but the biggest is that the jokes are all rather lame and just seem forced. One such example of Blair fixing her kids pea soup. Another has a priest saying something about "head" and it of course being taken the wrong way. The stuff with the preacher and his wife is so forced and annoying that it just never gets any laughs. Even worse is how the story structure is because for the most part we see Nelson teaching in front of a class and then we see the "other" story dealing with Blair. We go back and forth between the two and usually we get Nelson making a few comments but those two are unfunny. Nelson seems bored in his part and Beatty simply overplays his. Blair doesn't give a very good performance but I'm not going to blame her since the material just wasn't right and she appears to really be forcing herself to try and get laughs. REPOSSESSED should have worked and probably could have worked in better hands but as it is the movie is just cheap and weak.

Leslie Nielsen was always at his best when he could hook up with the "Airplane"/"Naked Gun"-team, which consisted of gifted writers like Pat Proft, Jim Abrahams and the Zucker brothers. "Repossessed" is written and directed by the guy who made "Meatballs 4". That should probably give you a fair idea of what this movie is like, though it does feature less Corey Feldman water-skiing than expected. Somewhat surprisingly there are some jokes in here that work (the bible vending machine ruled), but overall this just really feels like everyone's trying way, way too hard. Especially the visual gags have that bothersome "laugh, damn it!" feel to them, they're so close to "Naked Gun" but just not quite. Same goes for the obligatory breakings of the fourth wall, not bad but not really focused enough to generate big laughs. Nielsen's talents are rather wasted here, though I must say he is about the only element that made me keep watching. It's also a very nice touch that Linda Blair agreed to do this movie, even though I have absolutely no idea why she did. Not because of the solid screenplay, I'm pretty sure of that. This is in all ways a sub-par spoof, but I reckon it's still watchable for avid Nielsen fans.

This is one major disappointing and occasionally even downright insufferable horror-parody. Ironically enough, the funniest aspects about "Repossessed" are the trivia details behind it. Apparently the initial screening tests didn't fail just once, but twice! At first the script contained almost exclusively jokes and typical situations referring to the 1973 horror landmark "The Exorcist" but, being released no less than 17 years overdue, a large part of the target audience was too young to already have seen that film and hence didn't comprehend the humor. Subsequently, entire parts of the script got replaced with more general and contemporary 80's comedy (for example: an extended sequence set inside a fitness center with guru Jake Steinfeld) in order to appeal more to younger viewers, but it still failed because … well, the movie simply isn't funny! Writer/director Bob Logan's only remotely praiseworthy accomplishment was that he (or at least his producers) managed to trap Linda Blair into playing a mocking version of the one role that made her world famous. But even that you have to put into perspective, as Blair was probably so tired of getting typecast that she considered a comical part her last resort to get rid of her 'that-Exorcist-girl' reputation. Leslie Nielsen, with his almost naturally comical charisma, narrates the events of "Repossessed" in front of a class of college students. The films opens with a flashback of Nancy's first exorcism in 1973, but then jumps forward 17 years in time, when she's a married woman with two annoying brat-children. Via the TV-set, the devil takes possession of her body and yet again she spurts gooey green stuff all over her beloved ones. Father Mayii is reluctant to perform another exorcism because of his heart condition, so Nancy relies on the inexperienced young priest Father Brophy and a couple of power-hungry Televangelists that don't even believe in demonic possession. There aren't any truly laugh-out-loud moments in "Repossessed" at all. If you're lucky, you might briefly chuckle once or twice but the majority of jokes are just plain embarrassing. There are numerous lame literal jokes and uninspired puns that'll make you roll your eyes in disbelief. For example, one character says: "The word on the street says that your career is history…" and at the same moment the camera actually shows a piece of street with the words "your career is history" painted on it. Lame! The finale is pitiable and seems to go on forever, especially when the entire cast starts imitating the greatest rock stars of the eighties. Remember the intro of "Scary Movie 2" (which simultaneously is the only worthwhile sequence in the whole film) where James Woods does a wacky 10 minutes re-enactment of "The Exorcist"? Well, it might be crude and vulgar, but that scene is much funnier and more effective as this dud.