The Losers (2010)

Undescribable Perfection

Let's be realistic.

Exactly the movie you think it is, but not the movie you want it to be.

One of the worst ways to make a cult movie is to set out to make a cult movie.

For me, this is a difficult one to judge. It's full of bumbling personalities, exciting set pieces and comedic one liners, yet it lacks depth. A dull clichéd plot that is as unmemorable as the eponymous group. So do I view this as an exercise of mindless action, or take it as a decent adaptation of the graphic novels? An elite black ops group are tasked in preventing a mysterious individual, simply known as Max, from unleashing a device that can dematerialise the vicinity that it is activated within. A "Snuke". It quite literally sucks nearby mass into oblivion like an obese person hoovering up the crumbs of the pizza they had last night with their mouth, leaving no trace of its existence. Environmentally friendly and explosively potent, how thoughtful. Much like the plot device, the narrative is rapidly paced. Lightning fast dialogue, each bursting with unique characterisation, that humorously creates an enjoyable flick. It is undeniably watchable, no question. The onscreen talent makes it even easier to sit back and relax, knowing that Morgan, Evans, Saldana and Elba are powering through the script. The bombardment of action set pieces enhances the entertainment value substantially. Yet despite all of the above, there is a sense of mediocrity. A sense of familiarity. Ahhh yes, 'The A-Team' remake that was released in the same year. These two films draw impeccable comparisons that unfortunately deters from any originality that this film attempted to acquire. The plot in itself was rather generic, filled with clichéd character choices that you could see coming from a mile away. White's directing style was far too frantic with extreme usage of zooms, quick cuts and lack of camera focus that made certain combat scenes hard to follow. The visual effects were noticeably awful, particularly explosions such as the motorbike crashing into the jet scene. The antagonist was far too mysterious that actually he made no impact to the story. Needless to say, The Losers is unmemorable and consequently is not a winning blockbuster.

I hated this movie. I tend to dislike movies that require me to take cartoon type, leaps of faith, which this required every few minutes. It felt like they were making it specifically for 8-13 year olds. It could have been good. The cast was decent. Jeffrey Dean Morgan is always good. But, the direction was poor, the stunts were stupid, and the entire story as inane. Where the genre-refreshing Kick-Ass' introduces you to a spunky 11 year-old superhero you can't get enough of, Zoe's Aisha feels more like a worn-out retread right out of the Hollywood action flick recycle bin. The same can be said for the rest of this tired production, from the lame-brained plot to the cheesy f/x to the sloppy stunt work to the profusion of cartoonish, one-dimensional characters. Saldana is really wasted here. As is Morgan, and Patric. And Elba? My oh my. It was the Nicolas Cage school of reading scripts. How much? OK, I will take it. The story opens in the jungles of Bolivia where a team of U.S. Special Forces commandos led by Colonel Clay (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) are on assignment to bring a drug kingpin (Peter Francis James) to justice. The other members of the elite squad include getaway car driver/daredevil pilot Pooch (Columbus Short), ruthless, money-hungry Rogue (Idris Elba), computer hacker Jensen (Chris Evans) and sharpshooting sniper Cougar (Oscar Jaenada).The operation goes horribly wrong when their helicopter is hit by a rocket-propelled grenade and explodes into smithereens while hovering in midair. Fortunately, instead of Clay and his unit riding inside, the chopper was filled with 25 orphans they had altruistically arranged to airlift to safety.Realizing that they've just been betrayed by a mole inside the CIA, the quintet opts to make believe they actually did perish in the air disaster. Trusting no one, other than Aisha (Saldana), the mysterious temptress who materializes out of nowhere to seduce Clay, they proceed to track the shadowy figure (Jason Patric) they suspect was behind the attempted hit.That trail takes the gun-toting globetrotters from Bogota to such ports of call as Miami, Puerto Rico, Houston, Mumbai and Los Angeles. The film indulges in an array of high body-count shootouts and poorly-shot pyrotechnic displays en route to the totally predictable finale.Don't expect to see anything special in this under-budgeted homage to bad B-movies. Unfortunately, the outdated special effects employed here, like an exploding, green screen fireball everybody manages to keep one step ahead of, render the movie more laughable than suspenseful. It is a bit liking watching the movie Speed. Yes, buses can jump over rivers, if they can get enough speed before they jump. Right. Losers? Definitely.

Spoilers followI like bangs and flashes, and the film certainly delivers those. But it also delivers big big dollops of disbelief straight to my back through a suspension running right down on its shocks. Now, I have suspended bigger amounts of disbelief if the ending deserves it, but in this film... it doesn't. Does anyone else think the plot would have been so much better as a sting rather than a traitor? Idris sitting on a big bundle shooting up the villain smells much better than the scene we got. As it was, Skippy the Tech guy died under the panicky guns of the fat security guards. The colonel said, "for Chrissake, I'm old enough to be your father, get out". Someone other than the black dude got shot. Silly hat sniper chap went into modelling and made a mint without shooting anyone. All these suggestions come free and would have given the film greater depth.

I don't understand the hate for this movie. Sure, it's not the most original, but few action flicks are these days. But at least from this one you get some pretty great laughs, solid acting with a couple of stand out performances, and an all around fun ride. For me, performances not to be missed include Idris Elba as the intense, skeptical, yet practical second-in-command, pre-Captain America Chris Evans as the utterly obnoxious, yet hilarious motor mouth tech guy (the scene where he goes in under cover as a Journey belting bike messenger is my favorite), and Jason Patric as the possibly insane, unnervingly cheery, bad guy. Columbus Short as Pooch definitely deserves honorable mention. And Zoë Saldana never disappoints.With that said, yes, there are things that don't work for me, like the gratuitous and cliché romance between Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Zoë Saldana. And at times, sure, it is definitely a little too over the top ridiculous, but I think this is by design, and I challenge you to find a contemporary action flick, especially one based on a comic book, that is not. To me, the A-team movie was so much worse on that score.Still, this movie deserves a watch, especially if you're a fan of action flicks. Provided you don't try to take the movie more seriously than it takes itself, you won't be disappointed!